When to take a belated "honeymoon"?

ellemichelle

DH and I got married January 2nd, 2010.  We did not take a honeymoon after our wedding as we were seniors at our university attending full-time and working part-time, and both school and work resumed on Jan. 4th that year.  Also, our finances would not cover a big honeymoon like we dreamed of, so we decided to wait until our 5 or 10 year anniversary to take a nice vacation.

We are now debating whether to go for our 5 or 10 year anniversary.  If we go for our 5 year, DH will be in his first year of his PhD program and we will have to start saving money and planning location/dates soon.  However, if we wait until our 10 year he will hopefully be in his second year as a professor at a university somewhere and although we should be more financially stable, who knows what his schedule would look like.

If you were in our shoes, when would you prefer to take a belated "honeymoon" vacation?

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_when-to-take-a-belated-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:6997cf37-17ff-40d5-acdd-1dcb283d03b6Post:494cbfc0-9013-4832-830b-73b67a43965a">When to take a belated "honeymoon"?</a>:
[QUOTE]DH and I got married January 2nd, 2010.  We did not take a honeymoon after our wedding as we were seniors at our university attending full-time and working part-time, and both school and work resumed on Jan. 4th that year.  Also, our finances would not cover a big honeymoon like we dreamed of, so we decided to wait until our 5 or 10 year anniversary to take a nice vacation. We are now debating whether to go for our 5 or 10 year anniversary.  If we go for our 5 year, DH will be in his first year of his PhD program and we will have to start saving money and planning location/dates soon.  However, if we wait until our 10 year he will hopefully be in his second year as a professor at a university somewhere and although we should be more financially stable, who knows what his schedule would look like. If you were in our shoes, when would you prefer to take a belated "honeymoon" vacation?
Posted by ellemichelle[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I love to travel, so I vote for 5 year.  You can research now, but you really don't need to book until 6 months or so before.  Especially airfare, you don't want to book that too early.  Start saving now regardless if you can.  Even if you decide to wait, the worst that will happen is you'll have extra money in the bank.  Also, I don't think I would call it a belated honeymoon......I would instead call it an anniversary trip.

</div>

anssett

Are you locked into the 5 or 10 year idea? Have you considered an in-between year option? The first year of a PhD is excruciatingly busy and stressful. It's like nothing he's ever experienced. As for having a job as a professor, I think that's a hopeful scenario rather than a realistic one. There is no way to know how long his PhD program will take, whether he'll end up doing a post-doctoral fellowship afterward, whether he'll get a teaching job the first year he applies for them, etc. Don't get me wrong, I hope only good things for him in his career goals, but I've been there. I have a PhD. I've been through all of it. 

So, my suggestion is that you consider something in the middle. Start saving. Start dreaming. Then when he has settled into his program (and possibly in his 3rd year and done with classes!) then do a big fancy trip. No one else will care whether you do a 5th year vs. 7th or 8th year anniversary trip. It'll be a celebration of your love and your marriage and whenever you do it it'll be wonderful.

monkeysip

I would take the vacation as soon as you can afford to.  Obviously you don't want to take a vacation if it means going into debt or spending your entire savings.  I'm not saying be irresponsible.

At the same time, you never know what the future holds.  You never know how busy you will be, what you'll be doing.  If you get an opportunity... whether at the 5 year, 6 year, or whenever mark, take it!  It will be special anytime!

And it also doesn't need to be really expensive.  There are always ways to save money on vacationing.  

ellemichelle

Thanks for the replies.

I'm completely OCD about numbers, which is why we were thinking 5 or 10 years.  If I can get over my weird issues that 5 or 10 year anniversary is more "important" than the other numbers, it might would fit better into our schedule to choose one of the in between years.

DH is one of the top in his field and the professors he works with around the country believe he has a good chance at getting a job after graduation.  His PhD program will only be 3-4 years, so our optomistic outlook is that he will be teaching by the 2019-2020 school year.

We were also tossing around the idea of doing a private vow renewal on a beach during the vacation.  We got married very young (he was 22, I was 21- goodness, we're still young) and we want to celebrate still being together even though we are changing as individuals as we continue to mature.  If did decide on a vow renewal, we feel 5 years may be too soon for us, and perhaps we should wait until the 10 year anniversary.

It's definitely true that we don't know what the future holds and we should go as soon as financially feasible.  Any tips on how to save on vacations would be appreciated as well.

monkeysip

If you want to do a vow renewal, I agree that 10 years would be the better option.

But if possible, I wouldn't wait for my vacation.  I'd take one sooner, but just not as fancy.  Then your 10 year one can be a big shebang and vow renewal.

tiny speck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_when-to-take-a-belated-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:6997cf37-17ff-40d5-acdd-1dcb283d03b6Post:1e91e234-c4b4-4bc3-8eed-e86103e5708e">Re: When to take a belated "honeymoon"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would take the pressure off yourselves by thinking of it as just a really nice vacation.  I don't consider a trip taken after more than a year of marriage to be a "honeymoon."  That ship has long sailed.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

I kind of agree with this. Just think of this as a great vacation, and do it whenever you can afford it and when your husband is able to take the time off from his studies so he's not stressing out during the vacation. I also just finished with my PhD a couple months ago (just before getting married) and even if he's a top scholar these will be stressful and such busy years for him.

I also would advise against counting on him getting a job in his field immediately after graduating because you really never can know. Just trying to put things in perspective for you, especially if you like to have concrete plans and numbers to work with. I'm like that too, and things just don't always work out the way we'd like. All the best to you and your H though! :)

AddieCake

We got married last March and haven't taken ours yet. We moved to a different state shortly after the wedding, so that and now our house have been priority. We are going to take a cruise when we have time and can afford it. We're not worrying about it being on an anniversary or anything like that. We'll do it when we do it. Like PPs said, it's just a vacation. 

dazyabbey

I agree with the other ladies on here. Stop limiting yourself to the 5 or 10 years. I understand that in your mind those numbers make the most sence to you. But in reality the numbers seem to not be lining up with what is in your head and future. Stop making your honeymoon into this huge oh my god type moment. In reality a honeymoon is just a trip. It really is nothing less or more than that. Just calling it a honeymoon does not make it any more romantic then a regular vacation unless you make it that way.

Start saving now for something. If you can take it at the 5 year mark go for it. If you get to 6 1/2 years and realize that is the moment and you will both have the time and money for the trip you want then do it. If you insist on waiting 10 years then wait. But there will never be the 'perfect' time to do it honestly. There can always be excuses and reasons why it doesn't work. That could be anything from Kids (10 year anniversary you might have kids), work, more school, vacation time or money.

ellemichelle

Thanks all.  I do need to stop putting so much importance on the vacation.  At the time, I didn't care that we couldn't have a big trip right after the wedding, but I think now I'm disappointed that we couldn't fit a honeymoon into our schedule.  It's probably comparable to the brides who feel their wedding wasn't perfect and want a do-over PPD.

The university he will attend for his PhD has a fantastic record for job placements.  99% of those graduating from his department are able to get a job as a professor right away.  That's why I have such a sure attitude regarding what he'll be doing at our 10 year anniversary.  Of course, we could have terrible luck and he wil fall in the 1%, but I really hope that doesn't happen.

I need to get my obsessive-complusive personality under control, calm down, and stop trying to plan things down to the smallest detail.  We'll take your advice and start saving, and just see what we can afford and schedule during the next few years.  Thanks for trying to knock some sense into me; I need that every once in a while.

tiny speck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_when-to-take-a-belated-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:6997cf37-17ff-40d5-acdd-1dcb283d03b6Post:04a0fa04-e0e1-4ae0-a810-dda12b30739a">Re: When to take a belated "honeymoon"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks all.  I do need to stop putting so much importance on the vacation.  At the time, I didn't care that we couldn't have a big trip right after the wedding, but I think now I'm disappointed that we couldn't fit a honeymoon into our schedule.  It's probably comparable to the brides who feel their wedding wasn't perfect and want a do-over PPD. The university he will attend for his PhD has a fantastic record for job placements.  99% of those graduating from his department are able to get a job as a professor right away.  That's why I have such a sure attitude regarding what he'll be doing at our 10 year anniversary.  Of course, we could have terrible luck and he wil fall in the 1%, but I really hope that doesn't happen. <strong>I need to get my obsessive-complusive personality under control, calm down, and stop trying to plan things down to the smallest detail.</strong>  We'll take your advice and start saving, and just see what we can afford and schedule during the next few years.  Thanks for trying to knock some sense into me; I need that every once in a while.
Posted by ellemichelle[/QUOTE]

Sounds like you have a better perspective now. As to the bolded, keep reminding yourself of this as often as you need to! I know I need to stop and remember this now and then too! :)

jemmini6

Take it when you can afford it!  An old family friend used to post on FB about how she was waiting for her 30th birthday to take a big vacation...she died in a car accident in December, she would have turned 30 a few weeks ago.  Life is too short to wait for an arbitrary number to do something you want to do!

alithebride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_when-to-take-a-belated-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:6997cf37-17ff-40d5-acdd-1dcb283d03b6Post:494cbfc0-9013-4832-830b-73b67a43965a">When to take a belated "honeymoon"?</a>:
[QUOTE]DH and I got married January 2nd, 2010.  We did not take a honeymoon after our wedding as we were seniors at our university attending full-time and working part-time, and both school and work resumed on Jan. 4th that year.  Also, our finances would not cover a big honeymoon like we dreamed of, so we decided to wait until our 5 or 10 year anniversary to take a nice vacation. We are now debating whether to go for our 5 or 10 year anniversary.  If we go for our 5 year, DH will be in his first year of his PhD program and we will have to start saving money and planning location/dates soon.  However, if we wait until our 10 year he will hopefully be in his second year as a professor at a university somewhere and although we should be more financially stable, who knows what his schedule would look like. If you were in our shoes, when would you prefer to take a belated "honeymoon" vacation?
Posted by ellemichelle[/QUOTE]

if you're already up to taking 'anniversary' trips calling it a HM is out.

so start saving money and planning for places to go. you should be doing this anway.

i think you need to just take a trip already rather than hold off due to speculation about you or he being here or there. just go already.