Tight Budget&&So confused, I'm a hot mess SOMEONE HELP ME!!

BrocksMommy13

Me and My Hubby are on an extremely tight budget. We have a baby boy who is only a couple months old and he is taking all our money. We were planning on having no wedding and no reception at all. We were going to marry at the courthouse and save the reception for a later date. But I have lots of friends who want to party and celebrate my wedding with me after... I don't know if I should go to the courthouse and have a big reception, or if I should just go ahead and have both a wedding and reception. I have very little money to play with and im DIY-ing most of it to save money. These are my options:
 
Marry at the courthouse with a big reception
Have a cheap wedding with a cheap reception
Have a wedding and skip out on a reception and just party at a friends house
or marry and save the reception for a later date

My hubby says it's completely up to me, and doesn't seem to want to help plan anything. He feels that as long as we are together hes okay with it.. Should I make him get involved more?

&& What do I do about a bachelor & bachelorette party? Are they essential to have? 

We are planning on staying at a cheap hotel in our home town or a town over for our honeymoon. We don't have money to go somewhere. Are hotels enough to keep the romance or should we scratch that idea. Should we wait and have a honeymoon later on too??

Ladies, I need help. Someone give me some advice. I'm planning this alone and can't affordd to hirea professional to help me!!! 

mlg78

You have no planning role in your bachelor/bachelorette party.  Those are parties thrown FOR you by other people.  As for the honeymoon...why waste money on a hotel a few towns over for a few days? Just stay at home and save your money and take a trip in the future. Many people delay their honeymoon.

Determine what is a priority for you and look at your guest list.  Is it important for you to have dozens of people there or just 20 of your nearest and dearest? That will make your decision quite simple.

monkeysip

PPs have great advice.

I will just add that if I couldn't afford a honeymoon right now, I'd still want to spend a night or two at a hotel somewhere.  Staying a hotel is fun and romantic to me, even when it's in my own city.  

That's just me.  It totally depends upon your preference and budget.

You need to figure out what you really want and your budget.  These boards are really great though with helping you figure out how to cut costs (while not violating etiquette)!

ingedesign

I totally get it you just want one or two nights to focus on you two... have baby stay with someone... my FI and i live with his parents and i would totally do the same thing...

as far as what level of wedding you have im in the same boat think about whats important for the two of you... our guest list is 170people (aunts & uncles, 1st cousins) and ive got 5,000$ maybe 7,000 if my parents cover the reception hall fees.  I keep talking to him about whats im portant the vows not the rubery chicken, the dress and a few great pictures of us... and yummy cake!

alithebride

who cares what your friends want? they're not paying for it. if YOU Can't afford it you don't do it. simple as that.

getting married at the court house IS having a wedding. a wedding is getting married. the reception is the party part.

Maggie0829

First, realize that the bulk of your budget will be spent on the reception, so whether you have your ceremony at the courthouse or in a park or at your home that will be the least expensive thing you will pay money for the entire day.

Also, stop worrying about what your friends want and think about what you and your FI want.  Look at your budget and plan something that works within that amount and will make the two of you happy.

Finally, a bachelorette/bachelor party and a honeymoon are not essential.  Any pre-wedding party like a bach party is not planned by you anyways, they are parties that are gifted to you by friends and family.  If no one wants to throw you a party then you just don't get one.  For the honeymoon, many brides wait to go for months or even a year later to save up money.

BrocksMommy13

Thanks Ladies, My mom suggested having a wedding at a park, but I know many people who have tried and it always ends up so stressful. With the winds and people walking by/ driving by. I'm a very kept person. I stay to myself most of the time, and the guests would practically all be family. Also, my Mother in Law owns a camp. I would be able to have my wedding or hold a reception there but it's about an half an hour drive from my home town. I would hate to have everyone drive so far with gas prices. My hubs grandma also has a huge yard and a fairly good size house. Grandma has welcomed me into using her home, but would this put a lot of stress on her? It's also a little drive from my town. I would prefer to have an outdoor wedding, but the weather scares me. I can't make the weather be a certain way. Has anyone had an outdoor wedding that was perfect? When's the best time to have an outdoor wedding??

BrocksMommy13

I love the idea of an outdoor wedding at park. I initially wanted to have a bonfire for my reception. Everyone knows me as the chilled, laid back kinda girl. I LOVE smores and small candies. I was thinking of having a Bonfire and  having a serving table full of candies and things to roast. But would this run into supper time?? If I do this should I pan on serving a meal? I have lots of family to help me DIY. My cousin does cakes so she is going to make me a sample cake( I think it's called).  A little cake for my hubs and a little cake for me. Then she is going to serve sheet cake to everyone else. This way we can make different kinds of cake to let the guests choose, and we won't have to pay for a huge elegant cake.

BrocksMommy13

I see where you're coming from. We wanted a place to go and relax for a day. Instead of going on a huge honeymoon we just want to have something small and simple, like stay in a hotel. But I agree, a hotel is just a waste of money. How do we get the feel of being somewhere else though? We have two dogs and No matter what we do we'd still have to care for our dogs. My dogs are my babies so they NEVER let us have alone time..

BrocksMommy13

Well, my FI and I are living in an apartment. It's not that big and barley holds 15 people. His grandma will let me use her house but im afraid it would put too much stress on her. Being worried about her knick knacks getting broke, mud on the carpet, flowers being trampled, ect. I do not want to stress her out.

BrocksMommy13

I wish he would get more involved because I feel like all the pressure is on me. I want him to enjoy his night too. I know what he likes and His favorite cakes and colors but I don't want it to be a surprise to him about the options I choose. He says he's willing to go for anything I want. I WANT his opinion, I WANT him to tell me no and tell me he LOVES something. I don't want this to be MY day I want it to be OUR day.  I'm scared he feels his opinion doesn't matter, and when I ask him questions he just says I don't care..... UGH!!

Maggie0829

You can have an outdoor wedding just make sure to have a plan b in case of the weather.  Even better, rent a tent (with sides) to hold the reception (and ceremony if weather does not cooperate). 

If you hold your ceremony at around 8pm you can get away with not serving a meal at your reception, but I would still have some savory finger foods to go along with your desserts.  This way you can still have your bonfire and such.  If you do decide to host a meal look into local restaurants for catering, usually that will be less expensive then going with an actual caterer.

Since your FI grandmother offered up her property for your wedding I would have a serious talk with her about the logistics if you want to take her up on her offer.  It would be best if you could keep everyone out of her home at all times (even though they are all family) just so she wouldn't have too much to worry about.  You can rent nice portable bathrooms for your guests to use and that can be placed off to the side so as not to be the main focus.

As for your FI, you need to talk with him about how you are feeling.  He probably thinks he is doing you a favor by just saying "whatever you want".  Let him know that you want him to be involved and that you really do want his opinion on things.  This will be both of your money you are using and he really should have a say in the planning.

Ella and Pedro

Whoa.  I have never seen a comment thread here where the OP posted as many comments as the responders.

Hey, OP.  Take a deep breath.  Remember, a wedding is about marrying the person you love.  The majority of what people consider 'wedding' stuff is optional and is your choice.  If I was you I would work with the idea of having your reception at Grandma's house, but rent *nice* portable bathrooms.  Serve snacks and punch, and avoid dinner, which is more expensive.  Have the marriage at City Hall (which is cheapest) and later have the reception at Grandma's.  Say 2-5 PM.  Use an i-pod for music.  Decorations can be crepe paper flowers and streamers.  Candles on picnic tables, folding tables, whatever.  Serve food on nice quality paper plates and use plasticware, so you are not figuring out dishes for 100 people.  Wear a beautiful eyelet lace sundress and a wide-brimmed hat with silk flowers around the brim - country garden chic.  Decorate with wildflowers = sunflowers, daisies, black eyed susans...they will work with this type of event perfectly, just as if you had hired a florist.  Board your dogs for three days.  Day before, get flowers at a local farmer's market or Costco- check into this now.  Day after, have a mini-honeymoon.  Book a nearby motel, hotel or cottage for the three days.  Use the cottage as the place you get dressed, store florals, store your dress etc.  Book it near Grandma's.  That's your mini-honeymoon site.  Baby with or without, your choice.  Use vistaprint or Michael's crafts invitations.  Don't worry about paying for booze, this will save you money.  If friends are not pleased to join you in celebration, what kind of friends are these?  Everyone who loves you will love an old-fashioned, family-friendly, outdoor bbq/picnic/fingerfoods get together.   Spend the effort on the food being tasty and properly hot or properly cold, and plentiful, and everyone will say it was amazing.  At 7 pm the night of, you'll be able to relax with just your baby and new husband. 

QueerFemme

We had an outdoor wedding in a park and it was perfect. Like, perfect perfect.  You just have to research your options.  I went to this park at varying times of the day and night to see what the foot traffic was like. 

Also, 1/2 hour drive is not a big deal.  Even with these gas prices.

BrocksMommy13

Sorry, I've never really blogged before. And haven't really been on here to figure it out. I'D love to have my son go on our honeymoon. He's a really good baby, but I don't want his presence to ruin the romantic feel. Even though he's still young me and my hubs don't want to engage in sexual activity when he's home with us, or in this case, in a hotel with us.

Is it wrong to say BYOB? I have a bunch of rednecks as family and we like to drink on special occasions. Not get wasted, but drink.

 

QueerFemme

BrocksMommy13 said:

Sorry, I've never really blogged before. And haven't really been on here to figure it out. I'D love to have my son go on our honeymoon. He's a really good baby, but I don't want his presence to ruin the romantic feel. Even though he's still young me and my hubs don't want to engage in sexual activity when he's home with us, or in this case, in a hotel with us.

Is it wrong to say BYOB? I have a bunch of rednecks as family and we like to drink on special occasions. Not get wasted, but drink.

 

yes, it's horribly wrong to say BYOB.  Host what you can afford. If that means you have a dry wedding, that's what it means.  Host iced tea and lemonade. If you can afford wine and beer, you can provide that also, but do not ask your guests to subsidize your wedding reception.

BrocksMommy13

Well, my mother in laws boyfriend always has beer in his cooler in the back of his truck. ALWAYS.  I would hate for people to take all his beer because it wasn't supplied. Should I at least tell people though facebook??

erinlin25

BrocksMommy13 said:

Well, my mother in laws boyfriend always has beer in his cooler in the back of his truck. ALWAYS.  I would hate for people to take all his beer because it wasn't supplied. Should I at least tell people though facebook??

No to facebook! Unless you are inviting all your facebook friends, leave wedding planning off facebook.  You can make affordable invitations.  Go to Michaels (they have 40% off coupons weekly) and buy invitations you can print right off your computer.  Or many online sites are very affordable.  Vista Print usually has groupon deals where you pay $10 and get $50. 

OP-- make a budget and host what you can afford.  Use grandma's house; BBQ in the backyard or do cake and punch as others suggested.  1/2 hour is not far to travel at all.  My guests are traveling 1.5-3 hrs to come to our wedding.  Some cannot make it and we understand.  If you can host beer and wine or make a signature drink, do it.  Have a "mini-moon" and stay somewhere the night of your wedding w/o baby so you and hubby get a break.  Or, stay at home with baby.  Save up for a vacation to take in the future. 

One of my best friends had a JOP ceremony; we were invited back to her house for cake and drinks (they had beer, wine and easy cockails: rum/coke; vodka/cran, etc). she had some snacky foods too. There were probably 30 people;  It was great.  we were all happy to celebrate her and her husband.  Their son was 6 months at the time.  They plan to take their "honeymoon" next summer in Hawaii for their 5th anniversary.         

QueerFemme

BrocksMommy13 said:

Well, my mother in laws boyfriend always has beer in his cooler in the back of his truck. ALWAYS.  I would hate for people to take all his beer because it wasn't supplied. Should I at least tell people though facebook??

Do not tell anything anything via facebook.   I don't know how many guests you are planning to invite, but beer can be very cheap.  Look for it on sale, and start stocking up a case here & there and find a corner in your home and stack it up.  Or, buy a pony keg.  Even a full keg of cheaper beer (Miller lite, etc.) can be purchased for about $100.00. 

If you have a dry wedding, and your family is full of drinkers, they will figure out it's a dry wedding as soon as they show up to the reception, and it might just make the party end a little earlier. But, I really don't think you should be notifying anyone that it's a dry wedding ahead of time, in any way.

mmmiler346

Keep it simple. You guys are already busy with your little one. I think having a little get together at a friend sounds perfect. People will get to congratulate you and spend time with the ne couple.There will be plenty of time for fun vacations especially when the little one is older.

BrocksMommy13

Thanks Ladies!! I have a lot more ideas now. I think I was more focused on making my family happy then myself.