Can't decide local vs destination wedding

chicky13

My fiancé and I are having a tough time deciding between a local wedding and a destination wedding (we are thinking Punta Cana or Jamaica). Neither of us have been to either place nor have we attended a destination wedding, so we really don’t have much to go off of other than what we've read online. Any thoughts or advise either way would be appreciated.

saric83

We had a destination wedding, and we wouldn't change a thing about it!  However, if you have a DW, you need to be prepared to deal with certain things, such as people not wanting to or being able to attend, difficulty controlling all aspects of the planning, etc.  So it just depends on what is leaning you guys towards each side. 

If you both really want a big day with everyone in your lives by your side, or if you have elderly grandparents who you wouldn't want to be there without yet who don't travel well, or if you have some must-attend people (from your perspective) who probaby couldn't afford the travel, a DW probably isn't the best idea. 

We chose it due to wanting to keep the day with just our nearest and dearest (we made a guest list for a local wedding, and we were 300+ with just first cousins and just our closest friends - bleh!), something where I couldn't get too caught up in the details and had to focus on the most important thing (our marrige, not the wedding), an outdoor location (we live in MN where an outdoor wedding is always a bit risky), and we just wanted something different. 

For everyone, this list is going to be different, so I'm sure we could offer more suggestions if you gave us an idea of want makes you lean towards each one.  Good luck!  

chicky13

@saric83 thanks for your input! We live in WI also a wild card for outdoor weddings - but we both love the outdoors. So from that point we like DW because we could do something outside on the beach at a resort. Also I am 31 and he is 34, we feel like we are a little "older" and don't need a big to do. Another reason for DW. However like you said his grandparents can't travel so they wouldn't be able to attend and his mom has already expressed her disappointment in the idea of a DW. There are also people (specifically his brother and sister) that we are unsure of from a money standpoint if they would be able to attend a DW. I have a small family and have already talked with my mom, dad, brother and his wife and they would all be willing to attend a DW. So those are the main reasons we are 50/50. You mentioned difficulty controlling the planning - would you be willing to expand a little more. We talked to one travel agent to get some ideas. She gave me a big wedding packet from one of the resorts but it was a little hard to understand. Do you pick a wedding package from what they have to offer and whatever comes with it that is it? I don't have any experience with DW so the unknown is a little bit of a concern. However with some more research and talking to someone who had one I think that it would be easy to overcome that point. Thanks again for your reply!

amorg334

Chicky I sent you a Private message.  

saric83

That does sound a little tough.  If his grandpa and brother and sister didn't make it, would that be a deal breaker for your FI?  Another thing to consider that might be nice for people who can't make it, which we did, is having a webcast of the ceremony for peeps to watch, if they wanted to.  We only did it per my dad's request for some relatives to see it, but it was really nice for some of our friends to check out too.  And it seems like there are a lot of people on here with at least one parent who does not "approve" of the DW.  I had been threatening my parents with it for years, so they were prepared.   But I think if it were up to my mom, she never would have wanted the DW for us.

In terms of location, would you guys ever consider doing something outside of your city where people could travel but something much more manageable, such as Door County?  Maybe you could find a location with an outdoor ceremony location but with a back-up, just in case the weather doesn't cooperate?  Then you could still keep the list smaller without hurting feelings (if that's a concern for you.)

For the planning, we had our travel agent help us deal with the onsite coordinators for the resort.  We did pick a package, but we couldn't finalize details outside of that until 60 days out.  Just the distance and cultural differences made planning challenging, but it was still completely do-able!  Things like waiting for the onsite coordinator to respond via email for a week or two (which is completely normal for the culture) could be frustrating.  It was fine since we stuck on just a few things that were really important to us (such as the song I walked down to and ceremony decorations), and everything else just fell into place without much input from us.   

It was all amazing and worked out great, but to some degree, you just have to be willing to not be a control freak with some details and just go with it.  

[Deleted User]

We are from WI too!

We picked a DW because I didn't want to worry about all the little details. Originally we wanted to do Hawaii or Puerto Rico but a lot of our "must have" guests were worried about the cost so we ended up going with California instead. I feel like I'm having to do a little bit more of the "details" with that but not as much as a local wedding. For us - we would have had to have a HUGE local wedding and I am so not a center of attention person so the DW also lets us have a smaller guest list (35 as of today!)

Jells2dot0

I've done both! I had a fancy, super traditional, over the top wedding for my first marriage. Pros- you can be super involved in the planning and your VIP guests are present. Cons- cost, too many people to worry about. My second marriage was held on a tiny island in the Great Barrier Reef. It was only the two of us present. Pros- for us, it was WAY more intimate. I also avoided major family drama. Cost was a plus, too. While we spent a ton on the travel portion of the trip, the wedding itself (wedding package, photographer, dress) was under $8K. Cons- some hurt feelings from family and having to trust the wedding coordinator, especially in my case since a site visit was out of the question because of the distance. I poured every ounce of myself into planning my first wedding. It was stressful and time consuming, but everything was perfect and amazing (minus the groom...). This time around, I picked out a few things and just let the destination speak for itself. I also really enjoyed the privacy and very personal meaning with saying our vows in a special place. I think if you want something ornate, want to hve control over many aspects,or just want a ton of guests, a traditional wedding is the way to go. If you want to have a unique experience, keep costs lower, and not have to worry, a DW is a great choice.