My fiance keeps cancelling our wedding plans

BritneyNicoleM

I don't know what to do!

Every time I start to make plans and tell some people about the date, a week or two later he freaks out and decides that we can't do it.  (Always with the excuse that it's too much money, but we haven't actually PAID for ANYTHING yet- with the exception of my dress, which I paid for myself and it wasn't an expensive one.)  I'm trying to find the least expensive options possible while keeping it classy and giving ourselves plenty of time to pay for things, but just the idea of making any kind of concrete plan freaks him out and then he decides it's not happening.  I've put a lot of time and effort into coming up with ideas that he'll be happy with, and have planned three or four different weddings, all of which he's cancelled before we've ever paid a deposit or put a plan into action.  Not to mention, all this time, his parents are pushing and pushing about how we should get married ASAP and I end up looking like an idiot because I tell the parents/ close relatives about the new date/plans, etc and then I have to tell them it's cancelled.

I apologize if I seem like I'm ranting, but I really don't know what I can do to fix the situation and I could use some advice.  :-/

ReturnOfKuus

It doesn't sound like he wants to get married right now.  Did his parents pressure him to propose?

hmonkey

are you actively saving? as in, do you have a separate wedding account? once he sees there's money actually saved for the wedding, he might be more willing to spend it.

BritneyNicoleM

Thanks for the advice.  You bring up a good point @hmonkey- we have not been actively saving for our wedding, we've been more planning to pay out-of-pocket what/when we can.  I bet if we started a separate savings account for wedding expenses, he may come around.

As far as not wanting to get married, I guess that could be it too.  Although, I don't think he felt pressured to propose- we've been together for over 5 years, so he definitely took his time.

SBmini

You need to establish a budget. Go to sites like www.costsofweddings.com to give you a baseline of what other brides are paying. Add that to a spreadsheet and then put YOUR costs next to it. If he starts to freak out about a $1,000 ceremony site, you can show him how it fits into the budget and that everything is fine.

dharmabunny

Ummm, I remember this exact kind of process. Only instead of wedding, it was grad school. As application deadlines got closer and closer, i found every excuse in the book not to complete applications, do the research, or even download forms. You know what I figured out? It was a subconscious stranglehold on me indicating that I just wasn't ready for that step. No justification needed. FYI, I applied the next year, no hesitancy.

Maybe this is just a no-money panic attack some budgeting could fix. But money is the easiest excuse to throw under the bus. I'd have a nonjudgmental no pressure heart to heart over it. Allow him the breathing room for that moment of lucidity. GL!

AddieCake

Have you discussed a budget with him at all? 

dakotapa92

I agree with PP before you look at anything I would establish a budget. Pick a number your both comfortable with weather its $2000 or $100,000 then figure out how much you are comfortable with saving each month then from there pick a date with him.

 

But I also feel like he may just not be ready I would go a few weeks with out wedding talk. Just spend alot of great quality time with him. I made the mistake of laying everything on my fiance all at once right after he propsed and he also freaked out and was doing the same thing your FH is doing. I cooled down for a few weeks and were are set to get married next month : ) so I would panic thinking he's never going to marry you guys just liek to move a bit slower!

Wzz

stop worrying about what other people are saying to you, or what they might think about you and yuor FI/your wedding. maybe if you focused less on what other people expect, you and your FI can focus on what you expect from each other and this wedding.

 

all i read in the OP is that other people are saying this this and that, and that you are worried about what they think. who cares. it's your wedding.