Invitation ?'s

cncanderson2014

My fiance's family will be coming out of town for this. I don't want to invite all of their kids, but all of his relatives will be at the wedding, so it seems rude to tell them they can't bring their kids, because then they won't be able to come. Also, certain kids in the family will be in the wedding, so I don't want them feeling left out. Soo, we are inviting the 12 kids, plus our 6. How do I delicately mention they better have their kids in check? A few of them are mischevious boys (age: 9-14) and the venue itself is not a place to have kids roaming around. Secondly, how do I explain on the invite that only out of town children of the grooms will be allowed to attend and of course those in the wedding? My other family and friends in town have tons of kids and I'm already dreading that conversation.

Dietary requirements. We have TONS for such a small wedding. Chris and I don't have any, but everyone else in our family does. LOL

We have shellfish allergies, sugar allergies, fruit allergies, glucose, vegetarian, vegan, dairy, etc. etc. LOL

Our menu will be very crazy but we want to accomodate all. So How can I ensure I get a good count? Can I add the menu and ask them to choose when they return the reply? If they don't reply in time, can I call them and ask? I'll need an answer 2 weeks out.

 

 

AllieBear725

There is no delicate way to do this. It's rude to allow some OOT children, but not in town children, and there's definitely no nice way to tell parents to watch their kids to be sure they don't cause any trouble. I urge you to re-think this. 

AllieBear725

cncanderson2014 said:

My fiance's family will be coming out of town for this. I don't want to invite all of their kids, but all of his relatives will be at the wedding, so it seems rude to tell them they can't bring their kids, because then they won't be able to come. Also, certain kids in the family will be in the wedding, so I don't want them feeling left out. Soo, we are inviting the 12 kids, plus our 6. How do I delicately mention they better have their kids in check? A few of them are mischevious boys (age: 9-14) and the venue itself is not a place to have kids roaming around. Secondly, how do I explain on the invite that only out of town children of the grooms will be allowed to attend and of course those in the wedding? My other family and friends in town have tons of kids and I'm already dreading that conversation.

Dietary requirements. We have TONS for such a small wedding. Chris and I don't have any, but everyone else in our family does. LOL

We have shellfish allergies, sugar allergies, fruit allergies, glucose, vegetarian, vegan, dairy, etc. etc. LOL

Our menu will be very crazy but we want to accomodate all. So How can I ensure I get a good count? Can I add the menu and ask them to choose when they return the reply? If they don't reply in time, can I call them and ask? I'll need an answer 2 weeks out.

 

 

As for the food allergy, I would just have a decent option for each issue. You don't need a huge array of food choices, just be sure you have enough for a meal for each allergy if it's during meal hours. Or enough for a heavy appetizer if only a brunch or non-meal time. 

cncanderson2014

Well the OOT children are traveling from very far and my family/friends all have relatives. His relatives will be at the wedding. Maybe tell his Dad to figure out a babysitter? Like I said, our kids will be at the wedding (their cousins); hate them feeling left out, but some of those kids can be a nightmare.

AllieBear725

cncanderson2014 said:

Well the OOT children are traveling from very far and my family/friends all have relatives. His relatives will be at the wedding. Maybe tell his Dad to figure out a babysitter? Like I said, our kids will be at the wedding (their cousins); hate them feeling left out, but some of those kids can be a nightmare.

I understand your concern. If it were me, I would either do an adult only deal, or just have the immediate kids in the WP. There's really no other way to do it without hurting someone's feelings. 

Jen4948

I don't think you're required to invite any children other than those in the wedding party.  It's certainly possible that out-of-town guests (as well as local guests for that matter) will decline the invitation if it's adults only or their particular children aren't invited.  You and your FI have to decide for yourselves about that.

But there is no polite, let alone "delicate," way for you to explain on your invitation who is or isn't invited or ask parents to watch their children.

You can put a line on any reply cards asking them to indicate any dietary needs below it.  And yes, if someone doesn't respond in time, then you'll need to call them and find out if they're coming and get their dietary information from them.

MyNameIsNot

It really isn't a good idea to pick and choose which children to invite.  If you did first cousins only or family only, it would be ok, but many guests will be hurt that their children weren't invited if they arrive and see other children about.  In this situation, I would limit it to the children in the wedding party and be done, or no children at all.  (6 in the wedding party is too many).  

There is no way to explain to people which children are invited or to tell them to watch their kids.  You simply address the invitation to the people who are invited.  You never mention the people you've chosen not to invite.  Likewise, you can set up a kids' room, but you can't tell parents to "keep their kids in check."  Again, if these parents are incapable of caring for their children, it's probably best to go adult only.  

If you're doing a plated meal, ask people to mark their menu choice on the RSVP card.  If you don't need early menu selection, you can ask for dietary restrictions if you need the info.  If anyone doesn't RSVP by the deadline, you need to call and clarify.  This is true no matter which route you go with the menu.  

NYCMercedes

Against the grain today for me. Just as you can pick and choose which adults you want to invite, you can pick and choose (within limits) which kids you want to invite. If you want to invite family only kids, then go for it. If you want to invite only OOT kids, then go for it. Be sure not to split a family unit and be sure to have a definite line in the sand as far as whom you are inviting. If someone were to question you why X's kids were invited and why hers were not, be sure you have the clear answer: hers are OOT and yours are not; or, those kids are our nieces and nephews.

libby2483

cncanderson2014 said:

My fiance's family will be coming out of town for this. I don't want to invite all of their kids, but all of his relatives will be at the wedding, so it seems rude to tell them they can't bring their kids, because then they won't be able to come. Also, certain kids in the family will be in the wedding, so I don't want them feeling left out. Soo, we are inviting the 12 kids, plus our 6. How do I delicately mention they better have their kids in check? A few of them are mischevious boys (age: 9-14) and the venue itself is not a place to have kids roaming around. Secondly, how do I explain on the invite that only out of town children of the grooms will be allowed to attend and of course those in the wedding? My other family and friends in town have tons of kids and I'm already dreading that conversation.

Dietary requirements. We have TONS for such a small wedding. Chris and I don't have any, but everyone else in our family does. LOL

We have shellfish allergies, sugar allergies, fruit allergies, glucose, vegetarian, vegan, dairy, etc. etc. LOL

Our menu will be very crazy but we want to accomodate all. So How can I ensure I get a good count? Can I add the menu and ask them to choose when they return the reply? If they don't reply in time, can I call them and ask? I'll need an answer 2 weeks out.

 

 

1) You don't.

2) You don't.

3) You have a line for guests to indicate any special dietary restrictions on the RSVP card.

NYCMercedes

Oh, and you can't tell parents to be sure their kids behave. You can only ask them to rein in a kid who is misbehaving. ...And...just put a line on your reply card thusly: Dietary Restrictions______________

cncanderson2014

Thank you all for your replies. I'm going to have to put a lot of thought into this one. I decided I will put a little bird in my Fiance's ear that he talks to his Dad to have his Dad speak to the Aunts & Uncles with children, that it's not a very kid friendly place and certain areas can be dangerous/hazardous. Give them an option to get a babysitter or keep an eye on their kids.

Could be dangerous because: We are getting married on a old German settler Homestead with a ton of old barns and houses and the old tools, pitchforks and machinery they used back in the day. Also - we live in Texas and that area is a prime spot for rattlesnake hiding. They won't be close to our ceremony/reception area, but their is plenty of running around behind the buildings and getting into stuff.

Jean0715

I think that limiting the kids to family (son/daughter/nieces/nephews) would be ok. But if your inviting of Mr & Mrs Jones children and your Aunt Nancy's children, but not Uncle Lou's children then you have a problem and it would be rude. If you want to limit children to the bridal party, fine. If you want to limit children to family, fine as long as ALL family children get invited. If your going to pick and chose from here and there, its rude. 

Ask for dietary restrictions on the RSVP card. If they don't RSVP you have to call and make sure their either a. not coming or b. coming and you can make arrangements.