Nightmare MOG

jesssmi5465

My future mother in law has been such a nightmare!!! We have been waiting on her guest list for MONTHS now and everything is being held up because of this.  She also insists that FI cut his down instead of the other way around, which he has already done to accommodate her people.  She also told us she is uninterested in our wedding because she is not involved in making decisions, even though she is not giving us a dime towards the wedding.  Is there a polite way I can tell her to take a back seat?<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

mrsconn23

Have your FI give your FMIL a cut-off date for her list and then send out invites once that date comes and goes.   Stop catering to her.

Also, how many people are on her 'list'?  I mean, aren't most of your FI's relatives and close family friends invited?  How many other people could she want to add?

jesssmi5465

She wants to invite 55 family members to the wedding.

dharmabunny

Grow a spine. Calmly, but matter of factly, giveMIL a deadline for a guest list. Period. No guest list, you work with what you have.

Even if you are a pushover, your vendors aren't. They need a firm number. They won't give a rats ass about silly power plays. No numbers, no orders, it's the client that will deal with the consequences.

VarunaTT

FI needs to give her a date and a number. Have FI tell her that if her list isn't in by the date, you'll only be inviting those on the lists received.  If her list has too many, you'll be taking the first "X" names on the list.  She can GIVE you 55 names, that doesn't mean you have to invite all those 55.

Be glad she's not interested.  Don't discuss anything else wedding related with her besides date and number.  Once you get to actual hammering out of details, tell her what you want her to do, if anything, for the ceremony.  She doesn't have to be interested in your wedding.

PirateBarbie

jesssmi5465 said:

My future mother in law has been such a nightmare!!! We have been waiting on her guest list for MONTHS now and everything is being held up because of this.  She also insists that FI cut his down instead of the other way around, which he has already done to accommodate her people.  She also told us she is uninterested in our wedding because she is not involved in making decisions, even though she is not giving us a dime towards the wedding.  Is there a polite way I can tell her to take a back seat?

You don't have a fMIL problem, you have a FI problem. If your FI is too much of a wuss to stand up to his mother about wedding guest list/count, how will he react when she starts dictating how the two of you live your lives? When she starts telling you where to live/how to raise your kids/where to spend holidays/etc. 

mrsconn23

I agree with Barbie. 

Also, are you intending to invite the people on her list or what?  If you're not, then why are you entertaining this charade? 

And 55 family members in addition to the ones that are already on the list?

FI needs to draw the line in the sand and move on from this issue. 

doeydo

Give her a due date.  If she doesn't get the list to you on time, then she won't get to invite anyone.

SBmini

Why would she want more responsibility if she can't even get you a guest list in time?