What to say to my cousin... HELP, FAST!!!!

drandreasalazar

My wedding is in 4 days and after double confirming my cousin & her bf from Wisconsin last week, I get a text message from her saying "my boyfriend had something come up and im not going to be able to make it.  i feel bad bc its short notice.  there's no way i can make it."  I feel like not even acknowledging her text message but im so mad I want to respond.  My parents had separated and paid (nonrefundable) for hotel accomodations for her and her bf  for the three nights she said she was coming also.  What should I say to her?

PirateBarbie

drandreasalazar said:

My wedding is in 4 days and after double confirming my cousin & her bf from Wisconsin last week, I get a text message from her saying "I'm so sorry but my boyfriend had something come up and im not going to be able to make it to the wedding.  i feel bad bc its short notice.  there's no way i can make it."  I feel like not even acknowledging her text message but im so mad I want to respond.  My parents had separated and paid for hotel accomodations for her and her bf also.  What should I say to her?

"Cousin - sorry that you won't be able to make it. hopefully everything is ok. i'll miss seeing you there. - OP"

PirateBarbie

usually hotel reservations can be cancelled up until the day of/day before with no fee. 

AuntFlo

I'm sorry you can't make it!  Let's catch up after the wedding.  

?????

It's not that difficult.

MNNEBride

Be gracious and follow Barbie's suggestion.  This is not a hill to die on.

delujm0

every single bride has to deal with at least one last minute cancellation.  it's not the end of the world.  yes, no one wants to pay for food that won't be eaten, but there's nothing you can do about it now.  let it go - it's not important.

 

tell her you're sorry she won't be there, and cancel the hotel room - usually cancellation policy is 24 hours notice. 

AuntFlo

Wait.  You're a DOCTOR and you can't figure this out?

msdds51

I agree with PP.  Hotel reservations can be canceled with no problem.  Your venue might even let you change the head count by just.  Tell her you're sorry she can't make it.  Her life does not revolve around your wedding.

drandreasalazar

 

PirateBarbie said:

usually hotel reservations can be cancelled up until the day of/day before with no fee. 

It's nonrefundable.  But its more about than the $100/plate & hotel room.  Its the lack of etiquette and consideration

drandreasalazar

delujm0 said:

every single bride has to deal with at least one last minute cancellation.  it's not the end of the world.  yes, no one wants to pay for food that won't be eaten, but there's nothing you can do about it now.  let it go - it's not important.

 

tell her you're sorry she won't be there, and cancel the hotel room - usually cancellation policy is 24 hours notice. 

yup this is cancellation #3 & 4

AuntFlo

I'm pretty sure she was following etiquette by letting you know. (ok - maybe via text wasn't that great, but that's how you kids communicate these days).  You'll find out that some people will just not show up to the wedding even though they RSVP'd, with no explanation.

The hotel thing seems like it's between your parents and your cousin.  Also, I'm sure they can find someone to use the room. 

delujm0

sometimes things just come up.  your wedding isn't the most important thing in her life the way it is in yours.  you need to get over this.  When FSIL got married, she had 8 last minute cancellations (there were only 125 people at the wedding - so that was basically 5%).  It doesn't matter.  you have more important things to think about.  You are about to marry the love of your life.  Move on.

 

Also, at least she told you in advance - at most weddings i've been to, people just don't show up the day of the event and don't give any indication beforehand that they're not coming. 

 

Perhaps you know someone who could use the hotel room since it's already been paid for?  Maybe one of your in-town friends would like to use it so that they don't have to drive home after the reception or something?  that way it won't go to waste.

jojobrn

If she can't come, she can't come. You are not the center of everyone's universe.

AuntFlo

Oh, you double confirmed?   Burn her at the stake!!!!

GBCK

drandreasalazar said:

 

PirateBarbie said:

usually hotel reservations can be cancelled up until the day of/day before with no fee. 

It's nonrefundable.  But its more about than the $100/plate & hotel room.  Its the lack of etiquette and consideration

Like the consideration you show people you love when they have tocancle because they have lives?

drandreasalazar

 

delujm0

Since you've had 4 last minute cancellations, depending on the per-person cost, you may be able to talk to the caterer and be like "i had 4 last minute cancellations - is there any way i can use that $XX and aply it to something else?"  Sometimes they will give you an additional appetizer or upgraded booze or something in lieu of the 4 extra meals. 

 

i know you're not as concerned about the money, but it would be nice to not completely waste it if you don't have to.

PirateBarbie

she *DID* let you know - it's your problem that you can't deal with the timing or method. 

did you *double* confirm  with all of your guests - or just this one since you thought there may be a problem from the start?

we had no/call no/shows, and we had other people show up that never let us know they were coming

sh*t happens. 

drandreasalazar

 

delujm0 said:

Since you've had 4 last minute cancellations, depending on the per-person cost, you may be able to talk to the caterer and be like "i had 4 last minute cancellations - is there any way i can use that $XX and aply it to something else?"  Sometimes they will give you an additional appetizer or upgraded booze or something in lieu of the 4 extra meals. 

 

i know you're not as concerned about the money, but it would be nice to not completely waste it if you don't have to.

Reception place wont after the deadline but good idea

PirateBarbie

6fsn

I like to give the benefit of the doubt.  Something big probably came up- health, work, etc.  Make sure she and bf are ok.

PMeg819

I'm taking bets that in a couple of months we get another post from OP ratning about how this cousin cancelled, they were out their plates at the reception and a non-refundable hotel room, but the cousin didn't give a large enough gift.

I got $20 on it.

msdds51

Maybe you're being honest but I find it SOO HARD to believe you can't cancel the hotel.  I feel like you might just be mad and want to stay mad.

delujm0

kss20 said:

Maybe you're being honest but I find it SOO HARD to believe you can't cancel the hotel.  I feel like you might just be mad and want to stay mad.

This isn't necessarily true...a lot of times hotels offer their cheapest rates as non refundable, pay in advance rates.  So if her parents just went online to grab a hotel room for this one cousin, it's entirely likely that the cheapest rate they could find was a pay-in-advance rate.  let's give her the benefit of the doubt on that at least.

dharmabunny

Just a thought.

As far as the empty reception per plate charge,, would your venue/caterer be willing to give those plates to your vendors that are working that evening? Like the photog, DJ, videographer, live band, coordinator, etc? Therefore you don't pay additional for their meals? My reception site did that. Worked out fabulously

As far as hotel, anyone you know, or one of your slightly OOT guests that might want to take that room, maybe partially compensate for what was spent (if the rez was made through Orbitz, it may be an act of Congress to get that changed). Or assign it as the drunk tank sleep it off place

Overall, bury the hatchet and move on with the rest of your life. It's not the only time money gets wasted and it won't be the last time someone bails last minute.

doeydo

Someone else can stay at the hotel, I'm sure.  People have lives, things happen and the fact that you are getting married doesn't mean that other people's lives go on hold.  You are getting married in a few days, breathe, be happy.  

kmmssg

Does she have a habit of flaking out on things? I think you say nothing except "you will be missed." FTR I do have a sister who pulls this crap without fail. After reading this i am starting a pool with my DDs and other sister on what she pulls for DD's wedding next summer. I will give you a tiny benefit of the doubt here based on my gene pool. Let it go.