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Helping a Friend

thefuturemrsxthefuturemrsx
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in Snarky Brides
Hey, everyone.

FI and I have a friend who is going through a messy divorce and he is having a really difficult time with it. So, we wanted to get him a book (or something) on coping with divorce. (He is considering counseling, so this will be to supplement that).

Does anyone have any suggestions on books that may (in general) help someone through a tough situation? Any tips on how to talk or what to say to him about it? (He's been coming to my FI to talk almost everyday for the past few weeks).

TIA for your help/recommendations.
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Re: Helping a Friend

  • NicoleSaharaNicoleSahara
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    Without knowing the details of the divorce, and this isn't a counseling book but more to make light of things, you could get him this book:

    http://www.amazon.com/101-Uses-Ex-Wifes-Wedding-Dress/dp/0451235894

    I know that's not quite what you were looking for, but maybe some comic relief could help cheer him up.
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  • Smash AdamsSmash Adams member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    When I was going through my trainwreck of a divorce, it was nice just to know that I had friends to hang out with who were concerned about me.  It wasn't so much what they said, just that they were there to listen to me if I wanted to talk.

    I would try to avoid the cliche "better off without her" "it is what it is" "just wasn't meant to be" crap, though.  That did get on my nerves.

    No recommendations for books, sorry.  You guys are good friends for trying to help.
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  • kd.josephkd.joseph
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_helping-a-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:01151a01-32d8-4f00-b0ce-6d7274aad572Post:859de3fd-f720-4ccd-a9ef-528b05ece3d0">Re: Helping a Friend</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think a night out, like Dot said, would be nice. You could also have him over for dinner and offer your ear if he wants to talk. If I was going through something tough, I really <strong>don't know how I'd react if my friends gave me a book.</strong>  That is something to consider before you toss a self-help book his way.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    Yeah as always I agree with Duds. Just be there for him, no books are necessary, if he needs something I'm sure he and his counselor can find what he may need.

    Cook dinnner and be available when he needs to talk. Maybe even cook a few meals he can freeze for later. I know when I was going through my divorce, my friends ears were all I needed.
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  • lbarr088lbarr088
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited July 2012
    Nodding my head in agreement with Duds. I think your intentions are great but I'd do what Dot suggested. Just BE there for him. I'd take a night out for beers or hanging out to distract me over a book of "why my marriage failed"
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  • LizzieyounceLizzieyounce member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I have to go with PP's here...when I was going through my divorce, I was so grateful to my friends for the shoulder to cry on, the dinner's out and for the freezer and just the companionship.  It was nice to know that someone had my back.
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  • bongebonge member
    100 Comments
    If i was going through a rough divorce i would NOT want a book from my friends. I know it comes from a place in your heart but that won't help him. A night out without talking about the divorce (unless he brings it up) might help or a cookout with friends or something sounds better. 
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