really?! cant believe we are....vent

dkk05310609 · August 2012

Really??? We are fighting about setting the date. At first it was june 15but thats fathers day weekend so we decided to move it to our anniversry weekend june 8th...now after spending the morning at his moms with his bit sister who both hate me ge informs me he wants to move it to the 20th and asks if thats a monday...i said no its a thursday and he said well how about a monday! Wth!! Whats with the weird days. So i asked him why do you want to move it and his answer...cause its better. Better, better how? Better for who, your mom who never got married and is trying to turn our wedding into hers?! Its not better its worse, we live in the freaking desert! The closer to july the higher the tempurters...would you really want to sit in 9298 degrees in a church and an outside reception? I wouldnt and its our wedding. So i said fine you want that specific day then we move the venue up to tahoe where its colder and i give up my dream venue because your mom wants it so close to july! I hate when your so angry you cry. Am i wrong? Should i just change the date?

icefog34 · August 2012

I believe in compromise, but you two set the date to June 8th. You got a venue that you're in love with. He seems like he's not exactly setting his foot down on the date, so maybe you can. Tell him NO, this is the date we picked because of ....... and that's what it's going to be! You have less than 10 months, it's time to start reserving and getting things lined up. Can't be wishy-washy now! Good luck with this and I hope your dude can man up and realize that if he's going to be marrying you, you need to come first, not his mom and sister. Just my opinion, wrong or right.

Sjmiller418 · August 2012

Aww Im sorry your going through this. I wouldn't change the date unless he has some reason to and so far doesn't sound like he has a reason. Also a monday would be really hard for people to attend since they have to take even more days off work to be there.

But in the end you really need to figure out by talking to your fiance what his reasons for this date being better and weather aside picking the date that would mean the most to both of you and that the most important people are availablet to attend.

iloveu4ever · August 2012

I agree! If you want the June 8th then it is your wedding not hers. Just try to talk it over as adults and maybe it can be taken care of.

Berry327 · August 2012

I've just got to ask...why would he want to get married on a Monday?

anastassiiat · August 2012

I agree with the PPs. Especially since you've already set the date and even booked the venue! I would maybe have your FI talk to his mom and politely explain that it is your wedding and you get to choose how and when it will be done. Good luck, hope you guys can resolve it! Hugs!

dkk05310609 · August 2012

Thanks girls but now that he told me his reason im even more ticked off. His sister wants us to move the wedding because she has a "dance recital" ok maybe im being bridezilla here...but shes 22?! Why does she need to be at some dance recital from some dance school she is too old to dance for? Instead of taking 45 mins out of her selfish dancing just for the ceremony. I dont even care if they are there for the reception. Now i know how he felt growing up and his sister getting everything she wants! He was perfectly fine with the venue the date everything untill his sister says no change it. Thats totally bs. Why should i have to change everything because of her? My parents are ticked off too now, not really about the.money...ya kinda...but about me having to be upset and start everything all over again and change the venue when ive had their wedding info pack for almost a yr! Im so mad

dkk05310609 · August 2012

Guess its a good thing that i decided to hold off on having our wedding date embroidered on my dress while its at alterations right now. ugh.

ciligirl · August 2012

First off, I give you a ton of credit for even having your dress in alteration. I'd gain 20 lbs dealing with the kind of stress you are dealing with. I could see if she was dancing the lead in Swan Lake with the NYC ballet that day but give me a break! And even then they have understudies. I totally agree with you. For God's sake it is her brother's wedding.

Weather can be a huge issue for my area too. So, yes, that needs to be a major factor in choosing your date especially if outside.

I am getting married on the 15th and Father's Day is a big day in our family because my first husband (my daughter's dad) died. My sister got married mother's day weekend and the only thing is now her husband cheats her out of a gift...lol. And my first wedding was Super Bowl weekend in a blizzard. All that bothers me less than picking a date that isn't good due to the weather.

ciligirl · August 2012

See, you got me so stressed just reading your post I just ate a snickers...

dkk05310609 · August 2012

See im sitting here between a tredmill and my two yr old watching her eat cookie dough ice cream and how much i want a spoon lol. Thanks, im still working out to get at the weight i want for the wedding so im sure it will go back to alterations lol

anastassiiat · August 2012

How in the world does she already know her recital date, it's almost a year from now! I honestly think she is just doing it for attention, especially since it sounds like she is used to getting things her way. I would definitely just stick with the date. Would your FI be super upset if she ends up not making it to the wedding? Oh, and a side note, you girls are making me hungry with your mentioning of sweets, I think I'll go roam my kitchen now. lol

dkk05310609 · August 2012

In Response to Re:really?! cant believe we are....vent:[QUOTE]How in the world does she already know her recital date, it's almost a year from now! I honestly think she is just doing it for attention, especially since it sounds like she is used to getting things her way. I would definitely just stick with the date. Would your FI be super upset if she ends up not making it to the wedding? Oh, and a side note, you girls are making me hungry with your mentioning of sweets, I think I'll go roam my kitchen now. lol Posted by anastassiiat[/QUOTE]
i agree! Shes is always getting what she wants. I dont think its for attention though, bottom line is they just dont like me at all, they have been trying to sabtoage this wedding from day one and i think this is just another attempt cause they know im gonna get mad, fi will never stand to them, so they think im gonna call it off if i get sick of them...haha look i was sick of them a yr ago and guess what i still love him. I dont have to love his family. Idk if he would be upset or not, he knows that shes always got what shes wanted and i know hes said hes sick of it sense he was a little kid so idk about that

iloveu4ever · August 2012

I have had the worst sweet tooth ever!

ems27 · August 2012

I think it's fully feasible that she knows her dance recital date already. Question: is she a dance instructor? That could be posing a difficulty for her, as she might need to be there for her students if she is choreographing and teaching them a routine.

If she is just performing, I would be firm. It is a difficult choice for her to make, but sometimes that happens... I sacrificed my last dance show my senior year of high school so that I could go to my sister's college graduation. I would explain that the only two weekends that were feasible were the two you've considered, and that due to (reasons) June 15 was out of the question for the pair of you and your families. You understand that it is a difficult decision for her to make, but you cannot change the date at this juncture.

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with all this uncertainty!

dkk05310609 · August 2012

In Response to Re:really?! cant believe we are....vent:[QUOTE]I think it's fully feasible that she knows her dance recital date already.nbsp; Question: is she a dance instructor?nbsp; That could be posing a difficulty for her, as she might need to be there for her students if she is choreographing and teaching them a routine.If she is just performing, I would be firm.nbsp; It is a difficult choice for her to make, but sometimes that happens... I sacrificed my last dance show my senior year of high school so that I could go to my sister's college graduation.nbsp; I would explain that the only two weekends that were feasible were the two you've considered, and that due to reasons June 15 was out of the question for the pair of you and your families.nbsp; You understand that it is a difficult decision for her to make, but you cannot change the date at this juncture.I'm really sorry you're having to deal with all this uncertainty! Posted by ems27[/QUOTE]
no shes not an instructor, her last yr dancing with this school was supposed to be last yr because shes too old. Idk what to do now. If i dont change the date its not happening so idk. Might as well just give in. But now she wants to change it the weds the 6th, which is closer to our anniversry but now my parents think we should have it in the mountains in tahoe because the theme is turning more into rustic then vintage western, but its still going to be cold in tahoe that early in june. Idk anymore

ems27 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_really-cant-believe-we-arevent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:b9aa5537-0912-4b7f-a986-ed9972215a7aPost:0da9e48f-9cd1-46fa-849e-def7801db6ee">Re:really?! cant believe we are....vent</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:really?! cant believe we are....vent: no shes not an instructor, her last yr dancing with this school was supposed to be last yr because shes too old. Idk what to do now. If i dont change the date its not happening so idk. Might as well just give in. But now she wants to change it the weds the 6th, which is closer to our anniversry but now my parents think we should have it in the mountains in tahoe because the theme is turning more into rustic then vintage western, but its still going to be cold in tahoe that early in june. Idk anymore
Posted by dkk05310609[/QUOTE]

If you do decide on Tahoe, it sounds like that opens up the later dates in June which might be less controversial.

Maybe sit down with just you and your FI and go through the list of priorities and what you really want your wedding "feel" to be- and where. It's ultimately a choice that the two of you have to be happy with; if he's unhappy changing his date because of his sister, then stick with the early June. If you'd be unhappy with your parents being upset the wedding isn't in Tahoe, move it to Tahoe. Other people and their agendas can only influence you as much as you let and want them to!

Writing pros/cons lists is not a bad idea either. And try to give FI a heads-up that he will need to articulate what makes a date "better." It could be that a date was better just because it'd give him some peace and quiet.

This is a personal preference, but I would not have my wedding on a Monday or a Wednesday- the only weekday I would consider would be a Friday night, as I would not want my guest attendance to be low due to work schedules- this is just one of my priorities. Another thing to consider while discussing dates with your FI!

Good luck!

dkk05310609 · August 2012

Thank you! The pros and cons list is a great idea! I already thought of two places in tahoe that still have the mountains feel but still the western vintage 1800s thing lol. I called and they are both sending wedding info packeta. Fi says when they get here we should sit down and write pros and cons for all three places and in genoa i can already think of three. Him, my parents and his mom are all ok with tge end of the month, and i guess if i can find a different venue that i really love i would be ok with changing the date. Thank you very much that is a great idea and really helps

[Deleted User] · August 2012

I wish you the best of luck with this...

my mom passed away in May, but despised my (then boyfriend) FI because of ONE comment he made once that was just a sarcastic remark... it was funny to me, my mom found it 'disrespectful' and didn't speak to him and held it over his head (without even telling me until she was on her death-bed) for 4 1/2 years...yeah... petty.

The unfortunate truth is that you are going to be (by marriage) related to these two and eventually will have to all get along (hopefully)... so I really wish you the best of luck and hope that they will stop being so selfish when it comes to you two... but remember, its celebrating your love that is important.

I hope you guys are able to find the perfect place and the perfect date

really?! cant believe we are....vent

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