My Fiancee's first cousin will have a 3 week old by the time our wedding rolls around.
She asked if she could bring the baby, otherwise she "can't" attend the wedding.
Though if you ask me, there are ways she would be able to at least come by for the ceremony.
Children are not invited to the wedding. The only child that will be there will be his daughter, our flower girl.
I felt really bad saying no, and my fiances doesn't understand why its not ok for her to bring the baby.
I also have a cousin flying in from Florida to New Hampshire that will have just had a baby one month before our wedding. Also, a good freind with a 2 week old. How can I let one person do it, and not any others. I have to draw the line somewhere, right?
Another freind with a 6 month old cant find a sitter, but has never asked to bring the baby...she just realizes she can't attend the wedding, and I am ok with that. I understand. There are alot of parents with kids/babies and I can't accomadate everyone elses needs.
I just feel bad and need reassurance I am doing th right thing??
Re: Newborns at a wedding?
[QUOTE]My Fiancee's first cousin will have a 3 week old by the time our wedding rolls around. She asked if she could bring the baby, <strong>otherwise she "can't" attend the wedding.</strong> <strong>Though if you ask me, there are ways she would be able to at least come by for the ceremony.</strong> Children are not invited to the wedding. The only child that will be there will be his daughter, our flower girl. I felt really bad saying no, and my fiances doesn't understand why its not ok for her to bring the baby. I also have a cousin flying in from Florida to New Hampshire that will have just had a baby one month before our wedding. Also, a good freind with a 2 week old. How can I let one person do it, and not any others. I have to draw the line somewhere, right? Another freind with a 6 month old cant find a sitter, but has never asked to bring the baby...she just realizes she can't attend the wedding, and I am ok with that. I understand. There are alot of parents with kids/babies and I can't accomadate everyone elses needs. I just feel bad and need reassurance I am doing th right thing??
Posted by LL921[/QUOTE]
The baby will be 3 WEEKS OLD, it's not that easy for new moms to leave their babies at home that soon, especially if they are breastfeeding.
Which is why, generally, infants are the exception to the 'no kids' rule. You don't have to allow the infants to come, but don't you dare judge them for deciding to stay home with them if that's the case. You can't have it both ways on this.
[QUOTE]It's considered good form to allow young babies at the reception. Would you leave your two week old to go to a wedding? I wouldn't. Also, if the new mom is breastfeeding it could be very difficult (and potentially painful) to leave the infant at home.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]
<div>Thank you for wording this so well. I was trying to figure out how to say this but my response would have been a lot...less polite. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newborns at a wedding? : Thank you for wording this so well. I was trying to figure out how to say this but my response would have been a lot...less polite.
Posted by ArynBaker[/QUOTE]
Well the first thing I typed (and subsequently reworded) was much less polite if it makes you feel any better.
[QUOTE]It's considered good form to allow young babies at the reception. Would you leave your two week old to go to a wedding? I wouldn't. Also, if the new mom is breastfeeding it could be very difficult (and potentially painful) to leave the infant at home.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]
All of this.
There's a difference between a 3-week old baby and a 6 month old baby.
The newborn will likely sleep most of the time if you do allow her to go. I wouldn't blame the mother for not going either, because I wouldn't attend in that situation either.
[QUOTE]I feel as though your bigger problem here is not including FI in the decision-making process.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]
<div>This is precisely what I was wondering. OP, you and your FI should really be in agreement on this issue. It was kind of crappy to just say no without asking his opinion first. It is especially crappy if he would have said it's okay.</div><div>
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I have two kids and I respect the couple’s decision to not allow children. if your cousin really wants to attend she can find a babysitter. I think she’s just victimizing herself so you give in and allow her to bring her newborn but this would be very unfair to the other couples with babies.
SO and I have been to several adult only receptions and there’s ALWAYS someone who brings the kids anyway (which I find completely rude and unacceptable). Those poor children are bored out of their minds. I’m open to kid’s reception but most of our family has common sense and will leave them with a sitter.
[QUOTE]My BM had her baby 3 weeks before our wedding. Kids were not invited to our wedding. She came to get ready a little later than the rest of the girls, pumped when necessary and she and her H arranged for her parents to watch the new baby (and their 4 year old) at the hotel. They stayed until the end of the reception and she was breastfeeding at the time. <strong>You guys don't have to invite the babies if you don't want to. Some people will decline to come and some will make it work/arrange child care. Some may go against your wishes and bring them anyway.</strong>
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
<div>Those are my feelings on it. Talk to your FI, you guys make whatever your policy is going to be about babies at the wedding together, and then stick to it. I'll also agree with the PP who said that you make your decision, and your guests will make theirs, but you can't get too pissy if they don't come and don't judge them for it. Some people have family or babysitters that they are fine leaving infants/newborns with (my mom was back at work about 4 weeks after I was born, I stayed with my grandmother, mom still pumped and breastfed), some people don't. </div><div>
</div><div>For everyone making the assumption that most newborns are quiet, that's kind of a crapshoot. My MOH's daughter. who is almost one, is and was a dream baby. Slept a lot, woke up to eat, and didn't cry, would have been totally quiet at a whole night of wedding festivities. Her son, who is almost 4 now, was an absolute hellion child. She's said so herself. He didn't shut up and barely slept for almost 3 months. She wouldn't take him anywhere that wasn't family or the doctor. He's adorable now. It's also a crapshoot that parents will take loud children out, judging by the level of noise in certain Masses I attend. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newborns at a wedding? : Those are my feelings on it. Talk to your FI, you guys make whatever your policy is going to be about babies at the wedding together, and then stick to it. I'll also agree with the PP who said that you make your decision, and your guests will make theirs, but you can't get too pissy if they don't come and don't judge them for it. Some people have family or babysitters that they are fine leaving infants/newborns with (my mom was back at work about 4 weeks after I was born, I stayed with my grandmother, mom still pumped and breastfed), some people don't. For everyone making the assumption that most newborns are quiet, that's kind of a crapshoot. My MOH's daughter. who is almost one, is and was a dream baby. Slept a lot, woke up to eat, and didn't cry, would have been totally quiet at a whole night of wedding festivities. Her son, who is almost 4 now, was an absolute hellion child. She's said so herself. He didn't shut up and barely slept for almost 3 months. She wouldn't take him anywhere that wasn't family or the doctor. He's adorable now. It's also a crapshoot that parents will take loud children out, judging by the level of noise in certain Masses I attend.
Posted by divinemsbee[/QUOTE]
Sure, I agree that not all newborns will be angels and sleep the whole time, but I've heard a lot do. ha, I was colicky for the first few months so I'm sure my Mom would not have been able to go anywhere, let alone a wedding with me.
That said, I can't imagine bringing a 3 wk old to a wedding unless the event was very casual.
So no, when she says she can't, she can't. It's her baby, her family, not your decision, nor your business.
Therefore, if you say no, she can't come. You and your FI need to decide which is more important to you.
40/112
[QUOTE]I have two kids and I respect the couple’s decision to not allow children. if your cousin really wants to attend she can find a babysitter. I think she’s just victimizing herself so you give in and allow her to bring her newborn but this would be very unfair to the other couples with babies. <strong>SO and I have been to several adult only receptions and there’s ALWAYS someone who brings the kids anyway (which I find completely rude and unacceptable).</strong> Those poor children are bored out of their minds. I’m open to kid’s reception but most of our family has common sense and will leave them with a sitter.
Posted by mcda04[/QUOTE]
People really do this? I'm a little nervous now, because we also are doing adults only, and I fear that my fiance will be very unhappy if someone brings their child. . . . I can picture exactly who might too, even though we have expressed our wishes to her. I have a feeling she may decline the invitation, since her husband already dropped out of the bridal party with a B.S. excuse. . . . . . this is the same mother that tried to tell us her 18 month would be an angel the whole day, probably just sleeping, not making a peep. I've spent some time with the child. . . . . that is definetly not that case!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newborns at a wedding? : People really do this? I'm a little nervous now, because we also are doing adults only, and I fear that my fiance will be very unhappy if someone brings their child. . . . I can picture exactly who might too, even though we have expressed our wishes to her. I have a feeling she may decline the invitation, since her husband already dropped out of the bridal party with a B.S. excuse. . . . . . this is the same mother that tried to tell us her 18 month would be an angel the whole day, probably just sleeping, not making a peep. I've spent some time with the child. . . . . that is definetly not that case!
Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]
It varies in every family. If you've personally told them kids are not allowed maybe they'll respect your decision. You should expect a few no shows though. It all depends on your relationship with the guests on whether or not they'll make special arrangements to attend your wedding.
It seems like the problem is with a drama couple.... you don't need them there anyway. let them use the "no kids" excuse to not show up. :)