S/O: Name Change horror stories

squirrly · June 2010

Brie's comment about having a horrendous time changing her name prompted this. Legally, mine was easy. All the financial stuff that I've done so far has been easy. Work has been a PITA - I had three different names yesterday.

IF my first name was Jane, my middle Sara, my maiden Smith, and my married last Jones, my name yesterday looked like this for awhile:

SmithJones, Jane Sara

Uh, really? Now it's Jane Smith Jones in some systems and Jane Sara Smith still in others.

What are your horror stories/irritations/fears/etc. about changing your name?

danieliza1127 · June 2010

I was happy when mine changed at work because my partner and I had the same last name. We're about the same age, she's a few years older, but I'm white and she's African American. So people would want to make the joke about whether we were related, but it was awkward because obviously we're not. I don't know, I was glad when it changed.

I didn't really have any horror stories or problems changing mine though.

FutureMrsTR · June 2010

I'm mostly worried that I will mess something up. Like sit in the SS office for hours and then not have the right papers or mail the wrong thing to the wrong place or something.

It's kind of been like that with everything WR. If I have control over it, I'm worried about it, haha. That's why I keep putting off doing a DIY day-of hoodie - I just know I'll mess it up. Same with the escort cards, I'm super nervous about those because they involve me actually working on them. Sorry for the tangent.

Trifury2007 · June 2010

I was just sad to give it up. After 40 years with the same name you get used to it. The process was quite easy since I still use my maiden name professionally.

shellydiane820 · June 2010

According to my bank I'm still Shelly Maidenname...That's all I got.

stephl3055 · June 2010

I didn't have any issues changing mine, but people see my married name (a very common Asian last name) and then see me (I'm white) and they have a hard time putting two and two together.

For instance, at the doctor's office.
Nurse: "Mrs. Lastname, we're ready for you."
Me: I get up and say, "Hi, that's me."
Nurse: "I"m sorry, I said Mrs. Lastname."
Me: "Yes, that's me."
Nurse: Awkwardly stares at me for a second
Me: "My husband's Asian..."
Nurse: "Oh! I'm sorry, I was really confused for a second."

louisvillebride21 · June 2010

I told you, but I'lls hare here. I waited an hour at SS and didn't have everything I needed. Went back the next day, as SOON as they opened, and there was a line. So I had to wait another hour.

My birth certificate says Julia middle name1, middle name2, last name. That's what I've ALWAYS gone by. I was going to replace middle name2 with my maiden and thake FI last name. So I was going to be Julia middle1, maiden, H last name. The guy at SS said that wasn't my name. Talk about being confused! He was not happy that I wanted him to go in and change it so I would have 4 names.

danieliza1127 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-horror-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:18c3e888-8e49-4021-8bf5-dcbe9c4cfe51Post:54dc157f-ec77-42aa-a585-b2f10e432ff0">Re: S/O: Name Change horror stories</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't have any issues changing mine, but people see my married name (a very common Asian last name) and then see me (I'm white) and they have a hard time putting two and two together. For instance, at the doctor's office. Nurse: "Mrs. Lastname, we're ready for you." Me: I get up and say, "Hi, that's me." Nurse: "I"m sorry, I said Mrs. Lastname." Me: "Yes, that's me." Nurse: Awkwardly stares at me for a second Me: "My husband's Asian..." Nurse: "Oh! I'm sorry, I was really confused for a second."
Posted by steph13055[/QUOTE]

Dude, that is SO rude! People can be so clueless.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-horror-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:18c3e888-8e49-4021-8bf5-dcbe9c4cfe51Post:54dc157f-ec77-42aa-a585-b2f10e432ff0">Re: S/O: Name Change horror stories</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't have any issues changing mine, but people see my married name (a very common Asian last name) and then see me (I'm white) and they have a hard time putting two and two together. For instance, at the doctor's office. Nurse: "Mrs. Lastname, we're ready for you." Me: I get up and say, "Hi, that's me." Nurse: "I"m sorry, I said Mrs. Lastname." Me: "Yes, that's me." Nurse: Awkwardly stares at me for a second Me: "My husband's Asian..." Nurse: "Oh! I'm sorry, I was really confused for a second."
Posted by steph13055[/QUOTE]

I think Amoro mentioned she gets funny looks too. But she thinks they're amusing.

JenGin74 · June 2010

I had no problems changing my name. Social Security took about ten minutes and I was at the DMV for maybe a half hour. Everything else I did online or on the phone.

temerityjane · June 2010

I haven't changed mine yet, by my soon-to-be last name appears easy when written but is extremely difficult to say over the phone or to anyone attempting to write it down from just hearing it.

While I'm not going to write out the last name here, it's easy enough to figure out from how it usually goes.

"No... no, like the bird. The BIRD. Just like the bird? You know. The bird. BIRD. Did I say like the MOTHEREFFING COOKIE? THE BIRD. LIKE THE BIRD."

Hopefully changing it won't be so difficult, I just need to get it all done pretty rapidfire and in the appropriate order for DEERS and ID and all of that. I've got my fingers crossed for an easy time of it, but I suppose that's rather unlikely.

squirrly · June 2010

steph, that sucks. Our last name is popular with an ethnicity other than ours, and H gets really irritated when people assume the wrong thing for him, particularly at work (he'll get emails for the affinity network associated with that ethnicity by accident).

Actually, when we got our marriage license, the lady just filled in my race/ethnicity without asking me (I'm SUPER pale, it's pretty obvious looking at me that I'm just caucasian). She asked then-FI, though. I think tanning + the last name was why she didn't want to assume incorrectly, either direction.

LesPaul · June 2010

Just that first, middle, maiden, and married are all first names. So I'm often addressed by my last name, or people assume I didn't fill out a form correctly and mix up the names.

missy68 · June 2010

I went to the SS office first, and (apparently because we got married in Las Vegas- something to do with there not being a "name change" on the certificate) they wouldn't do my card until I had something with my new name on it. Um, hello? That's why I'm here! They sent me to the DMV first. I had to sign an affadavit saying what my new name was going to be first name maiden name new last name - smooth as silk, cost all of like $1 or something.

Back to SS - show him my license, he does the processing, new card comes in - and it is wrong. First name middle name new last name. So I go back. Show him my license again. This time, he gives me a printout to review, and it is right. So instead of 4 weeks (it took 2 weeks to get the certificate from Clark County), it took 6 to legally change my name. After that, work was a breeze. She just looked at the SS card, and wrote it down, and it changed my email, my paycheck, the directory, etc.

Bank - go in to change my name - show her my driver's license, marriage certificate, and she needs my SS card. Well, who carries those around? So we copy it at home and email it to her.
I get my new credit card, new ATM cards - and they did the exact same thing SS did the first time. Go back, and they get ATM cards fixed quickly, but can't get credit card fixed, and have never sent me new checks. So I called the 800 # and got the paper I need and made the copies I need to send in.

I haven't messed with the other stuff yet.

FutureMrsTR · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-horror-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:18c3e888-8e49-4021-8bf5-dcbe9c4cfe51Post:0844f8bc-7121-4d23-b3ad-9b87b5d5f46c">Re: S/O: Name Change horror stories</a>:
[QUOTE]"No... no, like the bird. The BIRD. Just like the bird? You know. The bird. BIRD. Did I say like the MOTHEREFFING COOKIE? THE BIRD. LIKE THE BIRD."
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

DED. FI tells me that people will forever spell my new last name wrong. It's easy to pronounce, but usually spelled a different way.

squirrly · June 2010

TJ, all the military stuff for me was easy. All I had to do first was Social Security. I went one morning, did SS, and went that afternoon with my temp SS card to post. Did all the stuff there. Except Tri-Care, because I already have ins, and H is getting out the end of the month, so it didn't seem worthwhile to get double coverage for a month.

It's really just been my job that was so difficult. And, really, it was easy the first time. Then I changed divisions, and when they did that paperwork, they overwrote my name with my maiden name. It was downhill from there.

temerityjane · June 2010

squirrly, that's good to hear. I wasn't looking forward to it. Hopefully it will go smoothly for us as well, especially TriCare, because I'll have been uninsured for almost 2 years by the time we get married.

Brie2010 · June 2010

I'm mostly irritated with mine because I want my maiden name 100% GONE, especially at work. It's a common female first name, so I was constantly getting business emails addressed to Dear LastName. I work at a university, and dealing with HR to get my email changed everywhere has just been a nightmare. In some places I'm Brie Maiden, and in some I'm Brie Married, for awhile I was Maiden Married in one place (again with the female first name as my maiden name thing). Also, I fly a lot, so I am trying to get everything taken care of before I fly again in a few weeks. I think I'm okay, because I have a new license and SS card already, but I was worried for awhile that I wouldn't get everything done in time.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

CQTM about someone thinking that the name of a cookie could also be a last name...

squirrly · June 2010

I don't think Tri-Care will be bad at all, even with a coverage gap. I don't believe they have the right to deny or limit coverage for you - they take everybody.

H will be back on orders via the NatGuard later this year, and I'm not sure if I'll switch then or at the end of this calendar year, but I'll probably switch, at least for a while. It's more of where you have to go to do the paperwork than the paperwork itself.

We did all the rest - ID, adjustment to H's BAH, registered my car on post, and two or three other things that I don't remember what they are, in about 90 minutes. It's a different post, for sure, but I think that stuff is pretty universal. No sweat.

stephl3055 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-horror-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:18c3e888-8e49-4021-8bf5-dcbe9c4cfe51Post:0ef2d3cc-cc82-425e-bd05-170aff5c7a6b">Re: S/O: Name Change horror stories</a>:
[QUOTE]steph, that sucks. Our last name is popular with an ethnicity other than ours, and H gets really irritated when people assume the wrong thing for him, particularly at work (he'll get emails for the affinity network associated with that ethnicity by accident).
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I've had the same thing happen at work too. I also got slightly offended at the fact that the emails were only in Vietnamese. Not even all Vietnamese people can speak it. :/

opalsky007 · June 2010

Mine have been pretty easy so far, except for my car insurance. It took SIX tries to get my name, my driver's license number and state (which didn't even change!), correct on the policy. They still have half of our other info wrong. We're switching to Geico, like, yesterday.

mwhitson14 · June 2010

I haven't had any issues at all, but I am dreading the bank name change, because I hate ordering new checks and a new debit, plus changing the name on the accounts. My bank is SO incompetent, but we only have 2 in town, so it's either a local bank or a national bank.

pooh8402 · June 2010

ask this question again in a couple of months... gotta take my state boards first with my legal (maiden) name THEN I can legally change my name.

goheels05 · June 2010

I've had a couple difficult ones, but here's the worst.

One of my doctor's offices had to be told every single time I went there that my last name has changed, and I used to see that doctor about once every 6 weeks. It's like it reverted back to my maiden name every single time they changed it. Seriously? Get that fixed. I personally don't care, but because of it, my insurance was denying their claim every single time and I got billed for covered visits every single time. My insurance was through my job, the one I was laid off from last May. Several months after I was laid off, I got a bill from that same doctor. I knew it was going to be a headache to get a claim filed for insurance I don't even have anymore, so I just ignored the bill, didn't call them or my old insurance. I figured it's just $70, surely they'll just stop billing me and write it off eventually.

Now it's been over 14 months since that doctor visit, and they have sent that measly $70 to collections. I wrote a letter to the collections agency and CC'ed the doctor's office on it. I wish I had the letter on my work computer, because it's hilarious. But in summary, I realize that I am very unique in that I am the first person in the history of the world to get married and take my husband's last name, but there must be some sort of solution here to this dilemma. Oh, and good luck getting reimbursed by my insurance company when I haven't had that insurance in over a year. Sorry, not my problem.

Celles · June 2010

Damn it. I am going to spend the rest of the day trying to think of a bird that is also a cookie.

Celles · June 2010

And by rest of the day, I really meant the next six seconds, because it just came to me.

thesuninherhead · June 2010

To the best of my knowledge (looking at phone numbers through white pages online) there is only one other family outside of my H's with our surname in Australia. Given that his dad has returned to Germany, it's just H, BIL and wife, and SIL that have the same surname.

As it's a rare name, no one ever knows how to spell or pronounce it. If I say it (Kaltner, pronounced 'kolt-ner' , much like we would pronounce 'halt' as 'holt'), they want to spell it, 'Coltner'. If people read it, they pronounce it, 'kaalt-ner'.

Although, to be fair, at home in Germany his cousins pronounce it, 'koit-ner' as bavarians have their own style of pronunciation, so who knows how it is supposed to be said.

Morfudd · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-horror-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:18c3e888-8e49-4021-8bf5-dcbe9c4cfe51Post:d95f8863-3b1a-48cf-849e-8b348deb3e36">Re: S/O: Name Change horror stories</a>:
[QUOTE]I told you, but I'lls hare here. I waited an hour at SS and didn't have everything I needed. Went back the next day, as SOON as they opened, and there was a line. So I had to wait another hour. My birth certificate says Julia middle name1, middle name2, last name. That's what I've ALWAYS gone by. I was going to replace middle name2 with my maiden and thake FI last name. So I was going to be Julia middle1, maiden, H last name. The guy at SS said that wasn't my name. Talk about being confused! He was not happy that I wanted him to go in and change it so I would have 4 names.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I'm not looking forward to the four names argument.

Or doing it all from abroad, really. And without a driver's license, so I can't even offer that proof to the SSA...

katiewhompus · June 2010

I still have a couple things in my maiden name which is annoying. Bank account is in my married name, but the debit card is maiden. They don't want to reissue me a new card because it expires in less than a year, but I still worry about the day someone checks my license the two names don't match up.

I was worried about getting a home loan, because my student loan is also still in my maiden name (need to start calling them constantly as well) but everything went through fine.

I'm just glad I have an easy to pronounce last name now. My maiden is spelled phonetically, but people butchered it to high hell. Anyone who was learning to read was fine because they just sounded it out, anyone over 10 couldn't get it.

I'm still trying to figure out a last name that could be a cookie or a bird. I think I know, but I also think my guess is way off. Where's facebook...

ebonyivory10 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_name-change-horror-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:18c3e888-8e49-4021-8bf5-dcbe9c4cfe51Post:0844f8bc-7121-4d23-b3ad-9b87b5d5f46c">Re: S/O: Name Change horror stories</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't changed mine yet, by my soon-to-be last name appears easy when written but is extremely difficult to say over the phone or to anyone attempting to write it down from just hearing it. While I'm not going to write out the last name here, it's easy enough to figure out from how it usually goes. <strong>"No... no, like the bird. The BIRD. Just like the bird? You know. The bird. BIRD. Did I say like the MOTHEREFFING COOKIE? THE BIRD. LIKE THE BIRD."</strong> Hopefully changing it won't be so difficult, I just need to get it all done pretty rapidfire and in the appropriate order for DEERS and ID and all of that. I've got my fingers crossed for an easy time of it, but I suppose that's rather unlikely.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]
This is driving me crazy. LOL<div>
</div><div>Edit: Nevermind, I'm slow.</div>

S/O: Name Change horror stories

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