FI Possibly Converting, I have Questions

divinemsbee · November 2011

I actually never thought this would happen. FI isn't against religion or Catholicism by any means, but he didn't have any sort of religious upbringing, so I assumed he would support me and our (future) children in the Church. The other night we were just talking about churches, I've moved here recently and have been going to several different parishes to try to find one where I fit in, so it's been a topic of lengthy conversation, and he's gone with me a couple of times too, which has been great, yet unexpected. So I asked in an off-hand way if he had ever thought about becoming Catholic. His answer was "Not at first, but more and more lately, I'd like to look into it." I would love advice or book recs to help him decide if this is the right spiritual decision for him. I know this is a very big deal, and I don't want him to enter it without all the information. Do parishes have classes that aren't necesarily RCIA that he could attend? I haven't seen any, but am curious.

I was a lapsed Catholic after my Confirmation during my late teens/early 20s, but a couple of years ago I came back to the Church and it has been so wonderful for me. I would love to share that with him.

Also, I think we've missed the RCIA cut-off this year, and I don't want him to rush into it. If he converts through RCIA after we are married, what does that change in terms of our marriage in the Church? You'd think after 13 years of Catholic school I'd know, but I have no idea. Thanks for any and all advice.

agapecarrie · November 2011

You can go to RCIA to just learn, you don't have to be part of the actual rites and process. However, the only "cut off" for the process might be "rite of welcoming". You can still look into the classes for this year.

If he is not baptized, you get married, then he gets baptized, your marriage will then become a sacrament.

Riss91 · November 2011

That's really great that you're carefully supporting him.

I would definitely check out this thread: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-questions-returning-catholic

because it has tons of good info in it. And definitely stick around here and ask questions :-)

Also you said "You'd think after 13 years of Catholic school I'd know, but I have no idea."

Trust me, you're not alone in feeling that way! There's a ton of basic info that I learned on this board that I really "should" have been taught at some point, but wasnt :-)

professorscience · November 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_fi-possibly-converting-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:c2e77d90-2127-44ae-867e-f36aa7f399fdPost:a34f715f-469b-4b8d-8b1b-1184556242b1">Re: FI Possibly Converting, I have Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You can go to RCIA to just learn, you don't have to be part of the actual rites and process.</strong> However, the only "cut off" for the process might be "rite of welcoming". You can still look into the classes for this year. If he is not baptized, you get married, then he gets baptized, your marriage will then become a sacrament.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

This. I would talk with the parishes around there and see if he can still participate in the classes. Some parishes have a max number of classes you can miss before you're not allowed to be confirmed, but that doesn't mean you can still go. At the end of my RCIA, I had a sit-down with the teacher where we talked for a LONG time about whether I was ready to become catholic. No one holds a gun to your head at Easter and makes you do it. =)

As far as books, some of the books we were given at RCIA were Believing in Jesus, Why Be Catholic?, and several others I can't remember off the top of my head. I also get a ton of info just listening to Catholic Answers Live on the radio.

chelseamb11 · November 2011

Honestly I'd double check he didn't miss the cutoff. I started in early November last year and was confirmed at Easter Vigil this year.
It sounds like you are being the perfect amount of supportive. Keep up the good work!

Jay&Marissa · November 2011

My father went through RCIA while my parents were engaged and got special permission for his First Communion to be at their March wedding...I always thought that was neat!

divinemsbee · November 2011

Thanks so much you guys! I'm going to check with the church I'm going to to see fi he can still sit in on classes and get some books.

agapecarrie · November 2011

Just to clarify:

RCIA is technically for those only that need Baptism. It's actually a full process with rites built in.

Most parishes (I don't know of any that aren't like this) lump all those needing any initiation sacramental prep into this as it gives blanket basic catechesis that most people need anyway. They do this because usually its not large numbers and its efficient, and good support of each other etc. Those only needing Confirmation are able to get confirmed with the rest of the class on Easter Vigil because the priests have faculties to confirm at that mass only (with extra exceptions at other times). Outside of Easter Vigil, the candidates have to go to the Bishop for confirmation (again, there are exceptions).

There are many and good reaons that a pastor would require someone to go through the whole RCIA process for their education and formation, however they also can make exceptions for people--such as a wedding-- someone needing only Confirmation, etc. An exception can also be made on the other end: such as the deisre to complete the sacraments on Easter vigil with a wedding closely after, but missing the beginning of the RCIA classes. People can be catechized separately from class, makeup classes, etc. If there is a sincere desire for this.

Karadee1 · November 2011

This story sounds so familiar! Same thing happened with me and my FI. He called the church to ask about anything he could attend or do to learn more, and they encouraged him to go to the first few RCIA classes. I've been going with him, and we've been learning so much. I was never really involved with the church or anything, and I'm learning so much attending with him. It's been so wonderful, I highly recommend it!

lisag76 · November 2011

It really is best to talk to your parish RCIA coordinator. Some parishes do have a cut off where they will not accept any more people for that year, and others do not. Also, if your fiance is baptized in another Christian denomination that uses the trinitarian baptism "I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit" then your marriage will already be a Sacrament on your wedding day. If he is not baptized at all, then your marriage will become a Sacramental one at the time of his baptism. Also a great book is one by Matthew Kelly called "Rediscovering Catholicism".

lmeade62 · November 2011

This sounds somewhat similar to our story, only somewhat in reverse. I just went with my husband (we weren't engaged yet then) and fell in love with it.

Oddly enough, the book that gave me the best introduction without being too heavy was "Catholicism for Dummies." It had a lot of good basic information - it is written by a priest and another individual - and the light touch was great.

Linda

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