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Ok ladies.. Flame if necessary

Danes983Danes983 member
1000 Comments Combo Breaker
in New Jersey
My MOH just had surgery so is laid up for a few weeks.  When i went to see her she said she wants to do stuff for the shower while she is at home and unable to work and stuff.  With that being said she asked me about the guest list. She said from what she is gathering from both families the shower will be huge (80ppl). So I kindly asked her to tell me how many ppl the room can hold (or how many she wants to have max) and that from there I will tell her how many friends I would like to invite and then I will split the rest between my mom and FMIL. That I really want an intimate shower not a huge one so I can spend time with my family and BM. So am I being to involved and asking to have to much say?  She didnt seem to mind, but then again she would probably not tell me. I dont want to sound like pushy bridezilla.
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Re: Ok ladies.. Flame if necessary

  • cvl105cvl105
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    No, I think it's fine for you to tell her you'd rather have a smaller shower.  She'll appreciate it $$ wise too.

    I gave lists for my shower.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • akmackayakmackay
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I gave the guest list for my side for the shower. I think as long as this is the only part you are wanting to have say over, you'll be fine.
    *~allie~*

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  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    How is this being pushy? She needs a guest list to mail invites.
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  • Danes983Danes983 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Because i am saying I want this and i want that. Your right she does need a list, but she could easily get that from my mom and FMIL.
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  • kathymariekathymarie member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it's pretty standard for the bride to give the MOH a guest list. Might not be smiled upon by Emily Post, but it's realistic. Everyone I know did this.

    Just make your list and leave the rest up to her. As a MOH I found it difficult to deal when the bride set parameters "no place that serves pizza, not in someone's" etc.

    I'm surprised your BMs are planning your shower so early! Wedding's not for 10 months!
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  • kathymariekathymarie member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    *not in someone's house, etc.
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  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ok-ladies-flame-necessary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:d4e78057-0be9-4c8f-8877-5373b3238815Post:609753e8-2ea6-438b-a7cf-ad371db1bdf5">Re: Ok ladies.. Flame if necessary</a>:
    [QUOTE]Because i am saying I want this and i want that. Your right she does need a list, but she could easily get that from my mom and FMIL.
    Posted by Danes983[/QUOTE]

    I don't really get how giving your mom the guest list to then turn around to hand to her is any different.  I think by naturally handing her a small guest list you're getting the point across loud and clear that you want a small shower.

    I really wouldn't worry so much. I have heard of far pushier things.
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  • Danes983Danes983 member
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    edited December 2011
    Hey kathy!  We miss you!!

    All I told her parameter wise was please dont break your bank, have it on a sunday and not huge. lol.  I could care less about the rest.  She could serve pizza and beer I would be fine with that. or better yet chicken fingers and fries. very me!

    I was shocked too. She even told me she picked the date and the place ALREADY!
    I guess she just doesnt want to be overwhelmed. We are also going to Vegas in Oct so maybe thats why she is being so proactive.
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  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Curious why you prefer a Sunday?
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  • Danes983Danes983 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Because I work a 2nd job and I would prefer not to take off since I am saving money for the wedding. Plus anything I have been invited to on a Saturday I have turned down for that reason. So if they are doing a surprise, they have a better shot of me rsvping yes on a sunday.  Yes I know its a Sunday, but I have a feeling they will be doing it hella early. Like not waiting until 1 month out or whatever. Also FI works his regualr job on Saturdays which means he will have to take off too.
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  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Makes sense!
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  • cvl105cvl105
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If it had to be on a saturday your FI wouldn't have to take off though. He doesn't HAVE to show up.  MH didn't come to my shower that was in NJ.
    ~Chelsea~
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  • MD0510MD0510 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think just that fact that you asked this means you're not a Bridzilla, so don't worry! :)  I think its totally ok that you gave your mom a list of your friends and told her what you had in mind.  As long as she knows that in the end, no matter what she does for you, you will be happy and appreciate it, I think you're all good!  The fact that you said you rather it be intimate is only a plus for her because it might cut back on the expense.  And if money is a concern for her, what you said will only make her feel better about maybe cutting things down a bit without feeling like she is skimped out on her daughter. 
    Good luck!  
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  • rachaelb16rachaelb16 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Not pushy at all!  When I was MOH I wanted a list and an idea of what kind of party she had in mind. 
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  • Jaytee501Jaytee501
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
     "So am I being to involved and asking to have to much say?"

    Ohhhhh, Dana. My BP was totally delinguent (<-- MH's term); I made the guest list, scouted out the place, picked the favors with my mom, chose the menu.

    My mom would have had to pay for the entire thing if my 8 months pregnant-and-traveling-from-Boston BM & her family hadn't insisted on paying for it in its entirety.(she was NOT delinquent & would have helped PLAN if she was not out of state & very pregnant!)...

    do you feel better? LOL ;)
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  • matiffbengy11matiffbengy11
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No I don't think so at all, most MOH will want some impute before they plan it to know your expectations. Nothing wrong with expressing how you  envision something. I had to intervene a bit when my FI told me his Mom put people on my shower list that aren't even invited to the wedding.....sometimes you have to have a little say.
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  • Danes983Danes983 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Much Better Jamie.. and thanks to the rest of you ladies for the imput..
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  • soontobemrsrlbsoontobemrsrlb
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You are not being pushy.  I was very up front with what I wanted (maybe a little too much so) when it came to my shower but if I was the one planning a shower I would prefer the bride to be very specific about her requests b/c I wouldn't want her to be disappointed. You saying you want a small shower gives your MOH a point to argue in case your mom of FMIL want to add a lot of people to the guest list. 
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  • jchristeljchristel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I've been pretty involved as well, but mostly for cost reasons.  I'm going to have a pretty big shower (70 ppl invited) and since FI and I just planned a 60th birthday party for his Mom, I knew of reasonably priced venues that could work.  Then dates became a problem, so I know a lot. 
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