WWYD?

jsarver14 · July 2012

So, FI just informed me that a friend of his from high school will be attending our wedding. Said friend is married and lives very out of state. The invitation I sent was addressed to this friend and her husband. She just informed FI that her husband will not be attending our wedding, but instead she will be bringing a friend of hers who just happens to be the ex-girlfriend of another guest at our wedding.

FI just informed me that "I can't tell her that she can't bring a guest". I honestly don't know what I should do. Help?

angelstar975 · July 2012

How awkward is this situation between them? I'm generally of the opinion that 2 adults should be able to keep it together long enough to attend the same wedding, especially since it's pretty easy to avoid one another as long as they aren't seated together, etc. However, I don't know if you HAVE to let her bring the friend, since you didn't invite her with a guest, you invited her with her husband. I probably would let her bring her friend, warn the guy who used to date the other girl if need be, and trust everyone to be adults about it.

jsarver14 · July 2012

I guess I left out that this friend is from around the area where the wedding will be held and she will know quite a few people there as FI is from a small-ish town. The ex-boyfriend of said "guest" is also traveling from out of state with his FI and her child. This ex-girlfriend is known for causing drama. In fact, I have never met this girl but all the stories I have heard about her are nothing but negative.

I guess I'm just on the fence. Proper etiquette says one thing, but I don't want to hurt my FI (or this guest's) feelings.

jsarver14 · July 2012

She has already booked her flight and has told both FI and I that she wouldn't "miss your wedding for anything". I was kind of blindsided by the fact that she told FI she was going to bring this girl. In all reality, it will happen because I want people to come and have a good time.

I just didn't know what I should do/say. Should I inform my other friend that his ex will be in attendance as I know she is honestly the last person he would think he would run into at our wedding since neither FI nor I know her?

TheSlowskys · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-49?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:74a30dd4-402a-466e-b578-55ddfe2fceb1Post:26f81149-dbd6-40ed-88ff-170cb1534634">WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, FI just informed me that a friend of his from high school will be attending our wedding. Said friend is married and lives very out of state. The invitation I sent was addressed to this friend and her husband. She just informed FI that her husband will not be attending our wedding, but instead she will be bringing a friend of hers who just happens to be the ex-girlfriend of another guest at our wedding. FI just informed me that "I can't tell her that she can't bring a guest". I honestly don't know what I should do. Help?
Posted by jsarver14[/QUOTE]

If she likes to cause drama would your guest's guest be perhaps coming to see her x-BF?

Since the invited guest is traveling from out of town, alone, but is bringing your local guest, I think the assumption allowing substitutions for an invited guest kind of doesn't apply. It sounds like she will know plenty of other people at the wedding. I'm inclined to tell her sorry, the invite was for her and her husband.

jsarver14 · July 2012

I appreciate your advice! I guess it's just something FI and I will need to discuss, and something he will need to discuss with his friend. I just don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable...it's suppose to be a fun day and I want everyone to have the best time they possibly can.

jsarver14 · July 2012

In Response to Re:WWYD?:[QUOTE] If she likes to cause drama would your guest's guest be perhaps coming to see her xBF?Since the invited guest is traveling from out of town, alone, but is bringing your local guest, I think the assumption allowing substitutions for an invited guest kind of doesn't apply.nbsp; It sounds like she will know plenty of other people at the wedding.nbsp; I'm inclined to tell her sorry, the invite was for her and her husband. Posted by TheSlowskys[/QUOTE]

This is a very good point. FI just informed me that this "guest" is also the ex of his cousin who was married last year. If this person has asked if she could accompany my FI friend, I would be hesitant to let her come. If FI's friend asked her to come, I would prob. just let it slide.

Lisa50 · July 2012

If this is your (his and yours) consistent guest policy, tell him he needs to tell her.

bonge · July 2012

I would let the guest bring the friend but are you hiring security? Does your venue have people who can take care of others if need be? I am sure she won't wanna be starting drama there. the guest is coming from far away so maybe she wants a travelling companion yet don't wanna leave the person out?

chelseamb11 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-49?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74a30dd4-402a-466e-b578-55ddfe2fceb1Post:3445ffed-aefd-4dcd-82e2-a6c9cabbda35">Re: WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel that two people can be adults for a night. Unless the friend she is bringing and the other guest have abuse issues in the past; it is a non-issue. If you want, you can have FI call his friend and let her know that the invitation was meant for her and her H only. But since she is traveling for the wedding, I would probably let it slide. Some people hate traveling solo.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]
This.

ETA ANd if she creates that much of an issue, that's the point where you ask her to leave. She'll only make an idiot of herself.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

I personally would let her come with a guest. I do understand that you're within your right to say the invitation was only for her and H so she can't bring someone else. I guess, how badly do you want her at the wedding? If you didn't allow her to bring a guest, would she still come?

Typically, I make an exception for guests traveling long distances; I wouldn't want to travel and make a small trip for a wedding alone, so I try to put myself in their shoes. If you think her guest will cause drama, just be ready to have someone who works at the venue escort her out if it escalates. Honestly, that probably won't happen. We have some hot drama going on between members of my dad's side of the family. Like knock down, drag out fights have happened before between the women. They were all in attendance, seated at different tables on opposite sides of the room. None of them spoke or created drama.

runpipparun · July 2012

I'd let her come, but I certainly would NOT call the exes and warn them as to her uninvited-yet-intended presence. That's just asking for trouble, because it could cause them and their spouses stress leading up to the wedding, in anticipation of her drama. It's pot-stirring on your part.

Hope for the best out of her (hey, maybe she's grown up), but prepare for the worst. Make sure that if she does get drunk and start yelling, you have people who will remove her.

J&K10910 · July 2012

You are making this into a way bigger deal than it is. Relax.

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