Accommodating an ill Bridesmaid

Re: Accommodating an ill Bridesmaid

• Knottie_22382938

  March 2013

  You are such a wonderful friend! Can she walk up the aisle and discreetly sit in the first pew when you reach the front so she doesn't have to stand but it won't be obvious that she is sitting? Maybe you can find someone to make her dress in the same style as the others so you don't need to order from the salon.
  I would tell her exactly what you said here...you love her, want to include her and don't want her to do anything she isn't up to.

  Report0 Reply
• Salsera29 member

  

  March 2013

  I agree, you seem like a very good friend. Maybe if you explain the situation (not details, just that your friend has medical issues that are keeping her from coming to the salon), she could just have someone measure her and give the measurements to the salon?

  Report0 Reply
• BMoreBride6 member

  

  March 2013 edited March 2013

  thank you for all the suggestions ladies!  My girls are wearing two diffetent styles of dresses so if she ends up chosing to buy something off the rack down the road, I don't think she will feel as "out of place" (while I don't care at all, I can see how she might feel out of place wearing a different dress if everyone else was wearing the exact same one).

  Report0 Reply
• [Deleted User]

  

  March 2013

  If standing at the ceremony might be a problem, could you just plan for them all to process down and then sit in the front row? This way she won't be "different" than the others but she won't feel the need to stand the whole time. If she's not even up to processing, could you have chairs lined up at the front and have all the bridesmaids preseated before you process in?
  
  Props to you for being so considerate of her needs and feelings. I'm sure she really appreciates it.

  Report0 Reply
• kaos16 member

  

  March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_accommodating-an-ill-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e5ff26bb-6ad8-4cc8-b3df-ebd17925d95bPost:e16477c1-a6a1-48be-be73-26899c5be356">Re: Accommodating an ill Bridesmaid</a>:
  [QUOTE]Be sure to ASK her if she needs an accommodation. One thing cancer patients hate is the loss of control.  They hate it when people take it upon themselves to "screen" bad news or visitors, or tell them "you don't need to do that." They're sick, but not infants.  She might be looking forward to walking down the aisle.  Normalcy is often very comforting.
  Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
  
  I agree with trying to make things as normal as possible, especially if she has been surviving with her cancer for such a long time.  Maybe offer her options. . . . for example, "the ceremony is going to be 30 minutes long, would you prefer to stand or sit."  Something like that will let her maintain control, instead of having the decision made for her assuming what she is capable of.  No matter how good intentioned, people who feel so out of control of an aspect of their life (here, the cancer) tend to relish is being able to control other aspects of their life, and live as normally as possible.
  Kudos to you for being such a great friend to her!!!!

  Report0 Reply
• BMoreBride6 member

  

  March 2013 edited March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_accommodating-an-ill-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e5ff26bb-6ad8-4cc8-b3df-ebd17925d95bPost:e16477c1-a6a1-48be-be73-26899c5be356">Re: Accommodating an ill Bridesmaid</a>:
  [QUOTE]Be sure to ASK her if she needs an accommodation. One thing cancer patients hate is the loss of control.  They hate it when people take it upon themselves to "screen" bad news or visitors, or tell them "you don't need to do that." They're sick, but not infants.  She might be looking forward to walking down the aisle.  Normalcy is often very comforting.
  Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>While I can certainly appreciate this sentiment, because she has dealt with this for so long, she's not afraid to be vocal about what she does and does not want which I'm so happy for (she's well over the "just try to be nice" stage).  I know a lot of the decisions about walking, standing, sitting etc. may very well be a day of (or even hour of) decision so I of course will let her make the calls on that one.  But even on her best days, she has horrible neuropathy in her feet which makes for easy tripping.  There will be no pushing of accommodations on her (and she'd be the first one to tell you to back off ; ) but I just want her to know any options she wants are there.  </div><div>
  </div><div>Of course my hope is come November she will be wonderfully healthy and all of this will be a mute point.  I guess I just want to have all the bases covered to accomodate her wishes </div>

  Report0 Reply