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Marriage Prep classes

Cynthiajt1Cynthiajt1
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Catholic Weddings
Please, please, please don't lash out on me for living with my finace. It's not the ideal situation, but it is not a situation that I can change. Alright, one to my question. We are planning to get married in a Catholic Church and are aware that we have to take marriage prep  and NFP classes. From what I understand, a couple that is taking these classes can't live together for 6 months before their marriage. Is this accurate information? We are planning for a Summer 2012 wedding and the priest at our church told us to call him in September, but not before to discuss wedding stuff. If this is accurate I have no idea what to do :-(
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Re: Marriage Prep classes

  • bibliophile2010bibliophile2010 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Whether or not a priest will marry you if you are living together is something only the particular priest in question can answer. Some don't care. Some will ask you to seperate. Some may ask you to live as brother and sister. Posters here have had a wide range of experiences, and many have seen couples living together at Engaged Encounter retreats and the like, even if they were not living with their SO.

    The NFP classes are likely to encourage abstinance for a month or more while you are learning the method, without regard to where you live, or your marital status. Part of the teaching of NFP is the cyclical courtship and honeymoon phases of relationships, based on fertility.

    You didn't suggest it, but in case anyone is reading this in a similar situation, please don't consider lying to your priest as an option. Be honest, and listen to what he has to say (or not) with an open mind and heart. Then take a deep breath and do what you need to based on his recommendation (or lack thereof).


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  • Cynthiajt1Cynthiajt1
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    oh I would NEVER lie to a preist. I am just trying to figure out a game plan for next spring.
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  • bibliophile2010bibliophile2010 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-prep-classes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:407ea0d7-4fa4-4c02-9353-717b00589673Post:d0916b09-e740-4b5d-8e6a-ff88aa648781">Re: Marriage Prep classes</a>:
    [QUOTE]oh I would NEVER lie to a preist. I am just trying to figure out a game plan for next spring.
    Posted by Cynthiajt1[/QUOTE]

    Don't worry, I didn't think you were going to, from the sound of your OP, but we get girls here who think that is the solution to the same problem. I really was trying to address any of them who might be reading.

    To be honest, if taking up seperate residences next spring is an option, it's one I would probably pursue. At the minimum, I would consider keeping seperate bedrooms, for a lot of reasons that you probably know (from the sound of your OP), not just because "the church says so."
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with biblio.

    My H and I lived together before marriage as well. While not ideal, he had moved out of state due to a job. We knew we wanted to get married in our home state, but not wait years to get married. I decided to move to be with him so we could plan our wedding together. We talked to the priest that did our marriage prep in GA and the priest that married us in OH. They both told us that it is what is in your heart that matters. My H had a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apt in which the rooms were on the opposite sides of the living room. I had one room, he had the other. That worked for us. And it allowed us to save money for our wedding as we paid for everything ourselves.
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  • doctabroccolidoctabroccoli member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Like Bibli said, whether or not you can cohabitate and still get married in the Church is completely up to your priest.  We've lived together for 3 years, and our priest didn't care.  That's kinda weird that your priest won't talk to you now.  I would honestly get in touch with him just to ask this one question now so that you know, even though he said to wait.
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  • sarah0632sarah0632 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We just did the Catholic Marriage prep course. My FI and I live together and have for atleast a year. I have my own beliefs about living together before marriage. We actually live with my parents and before that we lived with his. We're trying to save for a house of our own (where I live the average house is 650K min). Anyways, our Church discourages living together before marriage but it's only been mentioned once to us and it doesn't effect us getting married. It was also never brought up at our marriage prep, and in the NFP training they never mentioned abstinence either.
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  • caseyhaynes429caseyhaynes429
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FI and I have been living together for 3 years also, and our Deacon didnt even seem like he cared. It definitely depends on the preist I would say. Maybe look in a different preist who is ok with spending more time with you guys really talking about it and coming up with a solution that both good for you two and doesnt make hime uncomfortable. GL!
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  • adedricksonadedrickson member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We were asked to consider living as brothers and sisters until the wedding, but that was all that was talked about... our priest had no intentions of prying or asking what our situation was beyond "are you currently living together."
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