something new, old, borrowed, blue?

caterpillar85 · January 2012

I went dress shopping last week with my mom, sis, and future MIL. MIL is divorcing future FIL and is being really petty about it. A week after she left him (for another man) she took her wedding ring, melted it down and made the diamond into a necklace. Then she told me that my something borrowed was going to be that necklace. Basically a "no buts about it" attitude. I don't want it.

It's yellow gold for one thing which I don't like at all, and I don't like what she did to it. It's basically what it represents that irks me. I really like FFIL and he is hurting so bad because of everything she is doing to him. I simply don't want to wear it... ever. But she is the kind of lady who will throw a huge fit and cause drama if I tell her the real reason. I can see her not going to the wedding because of this. (she is that kind of person)

My sis told me that the something old, new, etc is something that should come from the bride's side of the family. She did it that way when she married, as did my mom... so could I make that the excuse for not wearing it?

***also I don't like the fact that the diamond is a family heirloom, passed down from FFIL's grandmother (I believe) and it was supposed to go to my fiance for him to pass down to our children. But she believes that it was "owed" to her and that it's HERS now, it doesn't belong to the family anymore.

tldh · January 2012

"FMIL, thank you for thinking that I should wear this on my wedding day but I've been planning on wearing X necklace for a long time time. Also, my something borrowed is going to be my grandma's/mom's/favorite aunt's X. It's a tradition in my family that the old new borrowed and blue are from the bride's family and I am not going to be the one to break that tradition."

If she throws a fit or tried to guilt you into wearing it, get your FI involved. At that point, she becomes his problem to deal with.

SCogs18 · January 2012

PP has great advice. I wouldn't want to wear that necklase either. You could also point out "It's a beautiful necklase, but I'm planning on wearing white gold to match my engagement ring (assuming your ring is white gold/platinum)."

amanda1611t · January 2012

Wow, she is gonna be a real PITA about it! I would say what tldh said is right! I would tell her in private though just casually so it doesnt seem like you were fretting over it. You could still accept it as a gift if she really keeps hounding you and just say you wont wear it but it was a nice gesture.

jmconley08 · January 2012

I would just say no thanks. She cannot tell you what to wear and I def wouldn't start letting her be pushy like that now or it'll last foreverrr...

deanozzi · January 2012

Let her throw a fit. What she did was pretty disgusting.

TiffannieF · January 2012

I would just thank her for the gesture but you have already made up your mind for your 4 traditions. If she causes drama your FI needs to handle her.

I'm not sure about the 4 traditions being from bride side my something borrowed was my SIL's petticoat and my garter was my something blue...it came from the store.

kimiandgary · January 2012

I agree with PP. If she really threatens not to come, you can always take it but not wear it. What is she going to do? Throw a fit in the reception when she notices?

If it becomes that big of an issue get your FI involved, but the easiest solution is saying your family already has something planned.

Grits8812 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_something-new-old-borrowed-blue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:db43aa42-7ba0-41af-b13d-425dc2a22645Post:0e9e9634-8a21-4f39-968a-ebcb66ac378f">Re: something new, old, borrowed, blue?</a>:
[QUOTE]Let her throw a fit. What she did was pretty disgusting.
Posted by deanozzi[/QUOTE]
I agree with this.<div>
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quiggels219 · January 2012

I also have a super difficult petty manipulative mil so I feel your pain and I would just lie and make sure my mom and sis were in on it. I have had to lie to my fmil, my fi knows this and he prefers it that way than dealing with one of her ridiculous blow ups. She doesn't let things go - it sounds like yours doesn't either - so I think your plan is great except I would pin it more on your mom or grandma or aunt b/c she's less likely to confront them - I would say thank you so much for the offer the necklace is trully beautiful but my family has a tradition that the something old etc comes from the brides side and it Is really important to my mom and grandma so I really want to honor them and our family in this way. My mom/grandma/aunt has a necklace they had in mind for me and I jut feel like I have to o go with that but again thank you. Then just make sure you wear a necklace (it doesn't have to be a family members just say it is) I know this isn't the most mature move but I've learned sometimes it's easier to avoid the drama. GL!

something new, old, borrowed, blue?

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