Facebook Snooping

**O-Face** · November 2012

So...if your spouse is randomly looking at your FB page and messages, on a scale of 1-10...how bad is it to do that?

Just curious

dharmabunny · November 2012

In Response to Re:Facebook Snooping:[QUOTE]So...if your spouse is randomly looking at your FB page and messages, on a scale of 110...how bad is it to do that?Just curious Posted by OFace[/QUOTE]
Define random snooping...is it looking at your profile as a FB friend would see or hacking or looking over shoulder while you're logged in?

Wzz · November 2012

i guess it depends. why would they be snooping? would the spouse have the password and log in specifically to check on messages, or would someone have forgotten to log out? i rarely log out at home so H could go in as me anytime on FB. he uses his phone for his own page.

Wzz · November 2012

oh, to answer, i guess i'd rate it a 5. it's a violation, but it's like having your spouse come into the bathroom while you are on the toilet. sometimes we just deserve privacy.

MNNEBride · November 2012

I don't have anything on my FB page that my H can't/shouldn't see. We are friends on FB so he sees everything. That being said, if he were hacking/signing into my account to snoop, there would be a problem and it would be much bigger than FB. It's about trust.

warpedredpenguin · November 2012

I admit I've done it once. I was having what I thought was a tiff with one of H's friends, but she wasn't speaking to me, and he was being evasive when I tried to talk to him about it. So I got on his FB that he keeps logged onto, and read the messages between the two of them. Really wish I hadn't, because what I found there has caused a huge rift in my marriage, and now I want nothing to do with his friend.

I'd say it was a pretty big violation, because he trusted me to respect his privacy. At the same time, I have nothing to hide, so I'd rate him looking at my FB, which is as easily accessible as his, at maybe a 3. Provided it wasn't habitual.

6fsn · November 2012

hmm, I've never felt the need to do this so I can only assume if someone does they have something else going on. DH has stayed logged on to both fb and hotmail and I've accidently seen messages, but I didn't stick around once I figured it out.

Wzz · November 2012

now i want to know about the backstory.

baconsmom · November 2012

Is the snooper a novelist? Then spouse should just know she's going to be all up in everyone's business all the time.

Otherwise, I don't know. H and I don't ever log out of anything, and half the time, he's me online - he's my social media guy, and he handles my blog and Google+ and sometimes posts to Facebook and Twitter.

It wouldn't be unusual for us to see each others' FB pages and maybe cruise around for a while, just for fun. But we're snoopy people to begin with, and we know that about each other, so this doesn't bother us.

I guess it comes down to this: Would said snooping bother the snoop-ee? If they would feel it's beyond the pale, then it is.

DG1 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_facebook-snooping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:1e6bac4b-db46-4ffc-a01d-f72b5e9cc82aPost:47e9d2e1-c2df-4b6f-ad66-625ff5e3c6c6">Re: Facebook Snooping</a>:
[QUOTE]now i want to know about the backstory.
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

<div>Me, too.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>And I've looked at H's FB. I'm not sure I've looked at his messages. But I probably would if I were curious about something, though nothing comes to mind at the moment.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm not trying to trap him or anything, nor do I suspect him of wrongdoing. I'm just snoopy. </div>

jojobrn · November 2012

Hard for me to answer this because we are both logged in on our desktop on different browsers, so we can pretty much always see each others accounts. And I don't have anything on there I am trying to hide. But if I was trying to plan something and keep secret from him that didn't involve me cheating on him, I'd say a 5?

GBCK · November 2012

me 3 on backstory.

And, w/o backstory, I tend to think that intentionally being evasive when your spouse wants information is a breech of trust too. Part of the point is that there shouldn't be any surprises if I hacked his FB--which is one of the reasons not to hack his face book and trust him.

*Barbie* · November 2012

neither of us has anything to hide, so in our house, it's NBD.

I'm signed on to FB about 95% of the time on our home computers, and DK knows all of my online passwords. I know all of his as well. we see each other's FB/e-mail/bank/credit card/etc. accounts and access each other's accounts (FB, e-mail, etc.) to make payments, get info, check statuses, etc.

Typically he has me sign on to update his FB page with pics and such since I'm always playing online.

*if i want to hide something I'm doing as a surprise for him, I use my work account

Wzz · November 2012

right before i had the baby, i was afraid i'd die and H would have no idea how to access my websites. i wrote out all the user IDs and passwords to every website i was registered to so he'd be able to go in and pay bills, or just update my FB account if he needed to. passwords to websites are not a secret around these parts.

still waiting for backstory....

**O-Face** · November 2012

Not really a backstory. Friend is upset that her bf checked her open FB and I wasn't sure how accurate my reaction was.

Wzz · November 2012

bf =/= spouse, so i don't really think it is the same thing if H happened to look inside my FB messages. i'd be piissseeddd if a boyfriend looked at my private information. i look at marriage, with or without kids, very different from dating. not that anything goes while dating, but there's a different level of commitment with just a bf.

maybe living together is a different story, but even then,

pissed. even if he thought he had a reason, he should have asked for the info he was looking for.

VarunaTT · November 2012

I check DH's FB page. We've tried to make that known to everyone. But if I didn't, he'd never see messages through FB. He doesn't like it and basically made it b/c his mother bothered him into it.

Also, since FB changed their algorhithm, I've noticed shared friends that I see on his stuff that I don't see on mine, so I kinda like seeing his too.

zsazsa-stl · November 2012

The intent weighs heavily here. I stay logged on a lot and I don't care if he scrolls through mine. He does it on my phone sometimes and it makes me nervous that he is going to click on something he shouldn't. Looking vs. snooping, I suppose. Even though I don't have anythingn to hide, I would consider it an invasion of privacy if he started going through my messages, etc. And I would consider it the same if I went through his.

dtbluv · November 2012

I'm a snooper. Never with malicious intent, mostly just curious and idle poking around. In doctor's offices I like to look in the drawers, when FI is logged in on my computer sometimes I look at his facebook. I've told him though, and told him he could ask me not to and I would respect that, but since he has no problem with it I go ahead (and tell him when I've done it).

I have a friend that would be horrified if I snooped on her though. We're extremely open, but she would view it as a breech of trust, so I respect her privacy completely. I have all her passwords in case of an emergency, but I've never used them, and I'm okay with that.

Neither are the same as your friend's situation, but I really think how big a deal it is depends on the people/situation. Also, communication is important. It bothered your friend, she should tell her bf she it upset her, then forget about it. If it happens again she can be super pissed, but if he honestly didn't know it would be a big deal, then she should let it go.

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