Ceremony help for greek orthodox/roman catholic wedding

Chrissymm88 · November 2012

Hello all!I am Roman Catholic and my fiance is Greek orthodox. We are getting married in the Greek Orthodox church. A family friend who is a Catholic Priest is going to be there to bless the marriage in the RC church. Has anyone done this before (or just knows about it) and could offer some insight for me? I.e. When in the ceremony would my priest do that? Can we still do the wedding vows? Thanks for your help in advance!!

unchatenfrance · November 2012

You don't get to do vows in an Orthodox ceremony, because the wedding ceremony is essentially the blessing of a union that has already taken place: you are getting married because God has already brought the two of you together in your lives. I was married in a Serbian Orthodox ceremony, and we had a short, informal religious ceremony (following an administrative meeting to provide the priest with our, BM and MOH's baptism certificates) a month before the wedding where we swore that we were not related, not "promised to someone else," and that we were not being coerced into marriage. Then the priest posted the banns on three Sundays, and the following Saturday we were married. I am guessing that things aren't much different in the Greek church.

As for when the RC priest can do his bit, it's best to ask the Orthodox priest about when it would fit into the proceedings.

Also keep in mind, in case that you're not already aware of this, that your witnesses (BM and MOH) will have to be baptised Christians (Orthodox, Catholic, or non-evangelical Protestant.)

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

Congratulations. I'm Irish Catholic and DH is Greek Orthodox. We had a non-denominational ceremony because neither was going to insist that the other be married in a church to which they don't belong.

You don't say vows in an Orthodox ceremony and be prepared to not understand a lot of what is being said. At our church, everything is done in Greek and then English. Talk to your priest about whether this is how it will be at your ceremony. While you are talking to him, ask about how the Catholic priest will be worked into the ceremony.

If you've ever watched "Four Weddings", the one thing that sends me through the roof is the brides attending a Greek ceremony complaining that they couldn't understand anything, the bride didn't personalize the ceremony and they didn't even say vows. No kidding. This is a sacrament and it will be performed the same way no matter who you are. The wedding ceremony is beautiful but don't plan on changing anything.

Also, your family friend who is a Catholic priest can say a blessing but please understand that the Catholic Church will not recognize your marriage and this will bar you from receiving sacraments. This is something that you have to be okay with.

unchatenfrance · November 2012

Also be prepared to stand for the full 45+ minutes of the ceremony! I am so glad I decided to wear flats on my wedding day :-)

And normally in Orthodoxy bride and groom walk down the aisle together, and you just have two witnesses. Some priests may tolerate the "Western" conventions of your father walking you down the aisle and having a full bridal party, while other priests may resist this (especially as there really is no convenient place for 5 bridesmaids and groomsmen to stand without being in the way).

unchatenfrance · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_ceremony-help-for-greek-orthodoxroman-catholic-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:0c4e9dfe-94cd-49d3-a7b7-604525cf521cPost:0ad27a0d-cd73-4e10-ad2f-14cdb4a78a6d">Re: Ceremony help for greek orthodox/roman catholic wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]If you've ever watched "Four Weddings", the one thing that sends me through the roof is the brides attending a Greek ceremony complaining that they couldn't understand anything, the bride didn't personalize the ceremony and they didn't even say vows. No kidding. This is a sacrament and it will be performed the same way no matter who you are.[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>+1! That bothers me to no end as well. There was an episode of Four Weddings Canada where the other brides complained that the inside of the church was "tacky" and looked like a "comic book." I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle them.

</div>

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_ceremony-help-for-greek-orthodoxroman-catholic-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:0c4e9dfe-94cd-49d3-a7b7-604525cf521cPost:faf34f12-052f-421a-abe7-a3c3653e5f93">Re: Ceremony help for greek orthodox/roman catholic wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony help for greek orthodox/roman catholic wedding : +1! That bothers me to no end as well. There was an episode of Four Weddings Canada where the other brides complained that the inside of the church was "tacky" and looked like a "comic book." I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle them.
Posted by unchatenfrance[/QUOTE]

My husband was in the room while I was watching one episode where both were Greek-Americans from Astoria in Queens getting married. One snot bride huffed "It was all in Greek. Who speaks Greek???" DH actually yelled back "Everyone in that church except for you!!" Another was counting the number of trains that went by during the service and complained that the bride should have found a venue not so close to the tracks and she should have shortened the ceremony because it was two long. DH was again yelling "It. Is. A. Sacrament. It's. Long. Deal." I think this is when I started referring to this show as "Four Bitches."

OliveOilsMom · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_ceremony-help-for-greek-orthodoxroman-catholic-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:0c4e9dfe-94cd-49d3-a7b7-604525cf521cPost:0ad27a0d-cd73-4e10-ad2f-14cdb4a78a6d">Re: Ceremony help for greek orthodox/roman catholic wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Congratulations. I'm Irish Catholic and DH is Greek Orthodox. We had a non-denominational ceremony because neither was going to insist that the other be married in a church to which they don't belong. You don't say vows in an Orthodox ceremony and be prepared to not understand a lot of what is being said. At our church, everything is done in Greek and then English. Talk to your priest about whether this is how it will be at your ceremony. While you are talking to him, ask about how the Catholic priest will be worked into the ceremony. If you've ever watched "Four Weddings", the one thing that sends me through the roof is the brides attending a Greek ceremony complaining that they couldn't understand anything, the bride didn't personalize the ceremony and they didn't even say vows. No kidding. This is a sacrament and it will be performed the same way no matter who you are. The wedding ceremony is beautiful but don't plan on changing anything.

<strong>Also, your family friend who is a Catholic priest can say a blessing but please understand that the Catholic Church will not recognize your marriage and this will bar you from receiving sacraments. This is something that you have to be okay with.
</strong>Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

To add to the bolded: The family friend may be able to assist you in obtaining a dispensation, so that your marriage will be also blessed in the Church. Keeping you in good standing and allowing you to continue to receive the Sacraments.

Chrissymm88 · November 2012

Thanks so much everyone! good advice and good laughs! The wedding is still a bit away so I am working on getting a dispensation. From what I have read, he has to get married in the GO church or he is excommunicated. The RC on the other hand, is more recognizing of the GO wedding and I just need to get my Bishop grant a dispensation and still do RC pre-cana.

As for the ceremony, thank you for the warning. I actually go to church with him every now and then to understand more about it. He is going to ask the priest for a prodominatly English ceremony. And good point with the shoes! I didn't think of that! I know some parts probably have to be in Greek? So I want to create a wedding program so my side of the family understands everything. we are going to try to go to a wedding ceremony over the summer (in school now in a different state) so I can experience a GO wedding before mine

I will ask the GO priest about the vows.

Another Question you ladies may be able to help with:

I am a crafty person, is it okay to make the wedding crowns? I want to incorprate a personal touch to it.

Thanks so much everyone!!!!

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

I don't know of any reason why you can't. It would be something that you would have to buy otherwise. I would recommend having your FI help you design them though. It's going to be on his head too after all.

unchatenfrance · November 2012

Our church has its own crowns (two different styles and we could choose which one we preferred) that we did not get to keep - although you can buy your own from a church store and keep them. I am not sure how you would make a crown, but check with the priest if you can. He can also help you put a program together.

You may also wish to spread word among your guests about the fact that they too will have to stand for most of it (only the infirm are allowed to sit, but even the children have to stand). My non-Orthodox female friends thanked me afterwards for telling them about this so that they knew to wear comfortable shoes!

Also, I am not sure how much of the ceremony would be in English. I'm pretty sure the prayers and chants have to be in Greek.

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

Also check to see if there are any clothing requirements for the guests (e.g. no bare shoulders).

unchatenfrance · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_ceremony-help-for-greek-orthodoxroman-catholic-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:0c4e9dfe-94cd-49d3-a7b7-604525cf521cPost:22f94fa6-0ad2-4201-af6a-13ea521c8af2">Re: Ceremony help for greek orthodox/roman catholic wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Also check to see if there are any clothing requirements for the guests (e.g. no bare shoulders).
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I made sure to spread the word to our non-Orthodox guests to make sure they have their shoulders covered, and they did. But what do you know, some of our Orthodox friends and family - who know better - showed up with bare shoulders, including two girls in strapless dresses and no cover-up (and the priest did make a comment about this to my MOH later, after the ceremony - not chastizing us, but remarking that some people really should know better).</div>

Chrissymm88 · November 2012

Thanks! didn't think about asking about guest attire, I will look into that! I will also spread the word about a lot of standing

As for the crowns, my FI is all aboard with me making them! I ran ideas by him and I am thinking we may use my grandmom's old lace dress (it was ruined in a flood but parts are still intanct) to wrap the crowns. Any thoughts?

Thanks again so much, ladies!!!!

unchatenfrance · November 2012

That sounds like a great idea but again, check with the priest before you get too far into the crown-making process. Also remember that he may likely need them in advance of the ceremony to bless them. The priest asked that he be brought our rings 15-20 minutes before the start of the ceremony to bless them (and dear SIL volunteered to be in charge of this), but I don't know about the crowns because we were using the ones provided by the church. But it will likely be the same with the crowns.

Chrissymm88 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_ceremony-help-for-greek-orthodoxroman-catholic-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:0c4e9dfe-94cd-49d3-a7b7-604525cf521cPost:a16fcfed-dd3d-4f49-b452-bc36dac6f506">Re: Ceremony help for greek orthodox/roman catholic wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]That sounds like a great idea but again, check with the priest before you get too far into the crown-making process. Also remember that he may likely need them in advance of the ceremony to bless them. The priest asked that he be brought our rings 15-20 minutes before the start of the ceremony to bless them (and dear SIL volunteered to be in charge of this), but I don't know about the crowns because we were using the ones provided by the church. But it will likely be the same with the crowns.
Posted by unchatenfrance[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I will! Thanks so much :)</div>

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