Odd invite question

Schnebs · April 2010

I have a situation regarding my guest list. My father is divorced from his third wife (so she's an ex-stepmother), but I am inviting her daughter who I have known all of her life. I am also inviting the ex-stepmother's parents to the wedding. The kicker is...I DON'T WANT the ex-stepmother there. How do I go about making it known that she isn't invited when other members of her family are? She is the kind of person who will horn her way in by accompanying her daughter (who is 20 so it's not like she has to chaperone her) and thus crash the party. Is there any way short of saying "Hey you aren't invited" or telling her daughter and parents that this person isn't welcome? I don't want to have to get nasty about it but really don't want her there.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_odd-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:331131c4-1bcc-404d-88fa-76954dc663fbPost:f3ea185a-dad0-4f26-b931-02cafdc7c415">Odd invite question</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a situation regarding my guest list. My father is divorced from his third wife (so she's an ex-stepmother), but I am inviting her daughter who I have known all of her life. I am also inviting the ex-stepmother's parents to the wedding. The kicker is...I DON'T WANT the ex-stepmother there. How do I go about making it known that she isn't invited when other members of her family are? She is the kind of person who will horn her way in by accompanying her daughter (who is 20 so it's not like she has to chaperone her) and thus crash the party. Is there any way short of saying "Hey you aren't invited" or telling her daughter and parents that this person isn't welcome? I don't want to have to get nasty about it but really don't want her there.
Posted by Schnebs[/QUOTE]
You definitely can not tell someone they are not invited, you just simply don't invite them.

swtasa · April 2010

Send the daugther an invite addressed only to her and (if applicatable) her SO. if she RSVPs with someone else call and explain the invite.

Be prepared for people decline because of the lack of invite to her mom/their daughter.

laurenclaire1386 · April 2010

If you are going to invite the daughter with a guest, be sure to include that guest's name, and not just "and guest." If it's her BF or SO, find out his name. If she doesn't have a BF or SO, then just don't invite her with a plus one. And certainly don't send an invite to ex step mom. Also, do you think ex stepmom's parents might take offense to this? You're kind of inviting ex step mom's entire immediate family and very obviously excluding ex stepmom, so tread lightly.

Schnebs · April 2010

This is the only person that this would apply to. Sis is not close to her mom, but her mom is the kind of person who has no problem crashing a party. She has shown up to events uninvited before so I wouldn't put it past her. I just want to nip it in the bud BEFORE she comes to the wedding and I have to deal with the drama caused by her causing a scene.

Schroeder246 · April 2010

Well, the way you would make it known would be by not sending her an invitation. Anything beyond that would be "nasty".

That being said, what kind of "crash the party" are you worried about? If you just don't want her there because you don't like her, I'd say suck it up and invite her anyway because you're inviting the two other generations of her family. Chances are, with all your guests you won't have time to notice her.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_odd-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:331131c4-1bcc-404d-88fa-76954dc663fbPost:b2269b9f-bd92-4f77-a08e-567a4f5f120a">Re: Odd invite question</a>:
[QUOTE]This is the only person that this would apply to. Sis is not close to her mom, but her mom is the kind of person who has no problem crashing a party. She has shown up to events uninvited before so I wouldn't put it past her. I just want to nip it in the bud BEFORE she comes to the wedding and I have to deal with the drama caused by her causing a scene.
Posted by Schnebs[/QUOTE]

Yea, unfortunately there's nothing you can do to to politely let her know that she is not invited.

Schnebs · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_odd-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:331131c4-1bcc-404d-88fa-76954dc663fbPost:f380066f-ca6a-4749-a682-4db06dce6673">Re: Odd invite question</a>:
[QUOTE]If you are going to invite the daughter with a guest, be sure to include that guest's name, and not just "and guest." If it's her BF or SO, find out his name. If she doesn't have a BF or SO, then just don't invite her with a plus one. And certainly don't send an invite to ex step mom. Also, do you think ex stepmom's parents might take offense to this? You're kind of inviting ex step mom's entire immediate family and very obviously excluding ex stepmom, so tread lightly.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Considering their personalities and their knowledge of the situation between my dad and their daughter and sis and her mom, I doubt it. I'm hoping that I am just worrying for nothing, but again....with her you never know.

kikibaby · April 2010

There's not much you can do to stop her from crashing it if she's determined to.

Schnebs · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_odd-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:331131c4-1bcc-404d-88fa-76954dc663fbPost:656cedf0-6ba2-4b83-9281-bb295a8478d5">Re: Odd invite question</a>:
[QUOTE]There's not much you can do to stop her from crashing it if she's determined to.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

That's what I'm afraid of. FI said regarding this possibility that "she will get a military escort off the premises care of the marines in attendance if she shows up." Just wanted to avoid it all if possible....

I am hoping that this is just me worrying about something that will never happen.

squirrly · April 2010

Don't send her an invite. Hire a security guard and send HIM her picture.

Seriously - that's your option.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_odd-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:331131c4-1bcc-404d-88fa-76954dc663fbPost:2e663423-0635-4172-a734-5fb2cfd90591">Re: Odd invite question</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't send her an invite. Hire a security guard and send HIM her picture. Seriously - that's your option.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this. Security guard at the door. She won't make it inside and it won't cause a scene inside the venue.

Odd invite question

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