Drink Tickets

aepare · August 2011

Hi ladies

I'll start off by saying, I'm sure there is another place this post would be more appropriate BUT, I've found that Knotties from other parts of the country can't look past the idea of a cash bar as it's completely unacceptable in other parts of the country ... I thought maybe, by posting this in the Boston forum it would be better understood (?)

On to my question

We have decided to provide each member of our wedding party with drink tickets to use during the reception. Since we can't afford to open the bar to everyone, all night, we thought this would be a nice way of showing our appreciation. We're unsure as to when/how to present them ... during the rehearsal dinner with their gifts? Have them placed at their place settings at the head table?

What do you think?
I appreciate all of your input, as usual!

Neileo27 · August 2011

So if I am reading your post correctly you are having a cash bar and only giving the BP drink tickets.

What about immediate family?

Have you looked into just having beer and wine be open and cash bar for anyone who wants hard liqour?

What about open bar for the cocktail hour and cash for the rest of the reception?

Canning alcohol altogether and having more dessert options?

Maybe have the same post on the etiquette board?

The reason a lot of people find cash bar unacceptable is because you are hosting a party for people and saying "Hey please come to my party, but oh by the way you have to pay for your own drinks." Not exactly the mark of a good host.

I have been to weddings with drink tickets and it was a bit of a letdown. Granted they didn't mention it before hand, and in one case the brides family didn't want alcohol period, but it was a bit of a disappointment in the moment.

It's your wedding and you get to decide what you want to do.

In my opinion giving drink tickets just to the bridal party because they are part of your wedding ceremony feels like you saying that they are more important than any of your other guests.

If this is your final decision, I would have them at their place settings at the head table as long as there are not non-BP members at the table. That way they don't have to worry about losing them during ceremony preperations earlier in the day.

KrisKenny · August 2011

I totally disagree with Pesa. I've been to quite a few weddings and they have ALL been cash bars. The only exception was one had an open bar for 2 hours, paid for by the father of the bride. All of my family and friends are fine and this is actually the norm. I don't see why I would have to pay if someone else wants to drink alcohol.

To that note, at my FBIL's wedding, they had "extra" cash. They paid for # of plates before hand and actual # of people changed a week before. venue would not give them a "refund" persay, but let them use it for the bar. So, what the bride & groom did as a gift to their wedding party was to have an open bar for the wedding party only until that extra amount of money was spent. As a guest, I was not bothered that my FI (just BF at the time) was able to get free drinks and I had to pay. I actually thought it was a nice gesture to do this for them.

imimahoney · August 2011

I agree 100% w/Pesapenny.

To be honest, I think cash bars are accepted in different social/economic circles rather than regional circles. I'm from NYC and cash bars are UNHEARD OF... up here they are more common but I wouldn't say they are the norm at all.

've been to 2 weddings that were "cash bar" and about 15 that were open- either 100% open or open liquor, beer, wine, etc. And with cash, they all had an open cocktail hour.

If you must have a cash bar please don't give drink tickets to your bp. Just call it what it is and do cash. Also, please let people know by word of mouth that you are having a cash bar. I never have money on me and would be stuck if the bar didn't take cards.

Neileo27 · August 2011

"If you must have a cash bar please don't give drink tickets to your bp. Just call it what it is and do cash. Also, please let people know by word of mouth that you are having a cash bar. I never have money on me and would be stuck if the bar didn't take cards."

I agree 100% with imimahoney. I never carry cash and not knowing before hand is a big inconvenience.

Plus I think what penny is trying to say is it is not acceptable to treat some guest differently than others.

If you give drink tickets to some people and not others word will get around to your guests that you are treating them differently. Plus are you giving you BP plus one's. Do those plus one's get drink tickets?

love2nap · August 2011

Yeah, I agree that cash bar/hosted bar may depend on your social circle. I have been to more cash bar weddings than fully hosted weddings, so even though I hate when nothing is provided, it's nothing new.

I think it's okay to do cash (if it's def out of the budget) and I think it's a nice gesture to do hosted for the wedding party. However, I wouldn't neccessarily do tickets just because it may draw more attention than you want. I would just let your wedding coordinator/venue contact know that the bridal party is hosted at the bar-- your bridal party should be easy to spot

At my BIL wedding, they did hosted b&w, but the bar was open for the bridal party, which made my jack and coke husband very happy

The last wedding we went to they had an entirely cash bar but they had it open for the wedding party. One of the groomsmen was grabbing drinks for his gf and a friend so something to keep in mind if your going to do bridal party only.

If your budget is tight, I would personally spend the money you would spend on the bridal party alcohol and put it towards wine with dinner for all your guests. It's easy to budget for and easy control since the waitstaff will be serving. You can also do hosted drinks for your bridal party during your cocktail hour/picture time since I'm assuming the bridal party will be seperated from the other guests and no one will notice. It's also a nice touch and help everyone get through pics

Just a few thoughts.

bostonbride214 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_drink-tickets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:35caa592-c055-48b7-b590-dae413cc989fPost:b66431e7-f5d8-4ae9-a248-40ad79cd6d53">Re: Drink Tickets</a>:
[QUOTE]If you must have a cash bar please don't give drink tickets to your bp. Just call it what it is and do cash. Also, please let people know by word of mouth that you are having a cash bar. I never have money on me and would be stuck if the bar didn't take cards.
Posted by imimahoney[/QUOTE]

I'm going to have to agree with imimahoney --- I'm not sure how you can pay for only some of the guests' drinks without offending or insulting your other guests who are also there to celebrate your wedding day.

You may want to think twice about the BP drink tickets and just have a cash bar outright for all of your guests. And definitely get the word out in advnace so that guests are prepared with cash --- I never have any at weddings and hate using random ATMs :)

This is a hot issue on all of the boards and you are probably not getting the answers you want...sorry but GL!

tania0930 · August 2011

Wow I'm kind of surprised at these responses. I think it's perfectly fine for you to have a cash bar. We are doing open bar during cocktail hour then cash bar for the remainder. This is part of our package. In addition, us (the bride and groom) and all members of our BP receive their drinks for free. This is what our reception site includes in our package people! Therefore it MUST be acceptable in the realm of ettiquette. And no, we're not getting married at a dive. Our reception is at the Tiffany Ballroom.

People do not NEED to drink alcohol at a wedding reception, getting drunk is clearly not the point. However, if they CHOOSE to do so, it is their CHOICE to pay for it, or not to pay for it, as soda and juice is typically free. If people have the financial luxury to offer everyone an open bar, that's great. But some of us do not have that luxury.

Additionally, there is a difference between GUESTS and wedding party members. People in the BP typically have responsibilities. They purchase dresses, rent tuxedos, throw bridal showers, bachelor/ette parties, help the couple with some decision making and planning, etc etc etc. Showing them appreciation by covering THEIR alcohol is not a crime. Go for it aepare!

Hellokatie0517 · August 2011

Personally, I'm not a fan of cash bars, but I certainly understand why people have them. Open bar can get pricey. I think drink tickets are kinda cheesy, sorry! Are all your BMs wearing the same dress? You can easily do away with the tickets and just tell the bartender to give free drinks to the guys in tuxes and the ladies in the BM dresses. But at the same point, I would have a hard time giving free drinks to the BP and not to my wedding guests. It's kind of an all or nothing deal.

tania0930 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_drink-tickets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:35caa592-c055-48b7-b590-dae413cc989fPost:26f50fe8-9578-422c-90d4-7e65381dbeac">Re: Drink Tickets</a>:
[QUOTE]"People do not NEED to drink alcohol at a wedding reception, getting drunk is clearly not the point. However, if they CHOOSE to do so, it is their CHOICE to pay for it, or not to pay for it, as soda and juice is typically free. " What I find confusing is claiming the wedding isn't about the alcohol, and the point isn't to "get drunk", then why supply it to your BP? Why "show your appreciation with alcohol?" I've visited over 15 venues before selecting mine, and none had this option, to give the BP drinks, and no one else. Just because it's in a package, doesn't mean it's not tacky.
Posted by Pesapenny[/QUOTE]

Because I trust my BP to CHOOSE not to go overboard. Because my BP are my best friends and family members who I have chosen to share my special day with in a more intimate way than all 150 guests. Obviously I will be showing my appreciation with NON-alcoholic gifts as well.

soon2bmrs.m-lo · August 2011

Honestly I'm surprised at how heated the debate regarding open bar vs. cash bar is on this board. You would think we talking politics here. Personally I think to each his own. If you can afford to have open bar great!...how nice that you are able to treat your guests. We are doing open bar all night but our venue allows us to purchase alcohol directly from a liquor store and whatever is not used/opened can be returned to the liquor store. Our cost for open bar all night for 60 guests should only be around $1,000 max. Had we chosen a venue in which the alcohol was provided by the venue or the open bar was part of a package I can honestly say we probably would have chosen to do open bar for the cocktail hour and then a cash bar the remainder of the night or just beer & wine all night. The expense of open bar, in most cases, is thousands of dollars and perhaps not affordable for everyone, especially in this economy. I've been to weddings that have had open bar and weddings that have not. While it is nice to be able to drink free for the evening I never expect it or look down on the bride and groom for not offering open bar. Everyone's financial cirmcustances are different and many couples don't have the luxury of parental assistance with their wedding budget. As a guest at a wedding I'm always just honored to be a part of the couple's special day and not so caddy as to think they are tacky for not offering to pay for my drinks all night.

bmoruzzi · August 2011

If you haven't already, please don't post this on the e board. They'll tear you to shreds. Do what you can afford. At our wedding we did 4 hours of open bar and the last hour was cash. I do think drink tickets are a little tacky. Just put an amount your comfortable with towards the bar tab, or a certain amount of time like an hour or two or whatever. No need for tickets.

Neileo27 · August 2011

Wow I'm kind of upset at the way this thread has devolved into wedding bashing.

Tania - I do not recall anyone calling your venue a dive so I don't understand why you feel the need to validate your choice.

Penny - I have agreed with you from the beginning.

Cash bar vs. Open Bar is the debate here.

Weddings are a celebration and a chance to spend time with frineds and family. The people who are attending your wedding and are old enough to drink are adults and should be treated as such, which means they should be able to handle their alcohol intake without ending up puking in the parking lot at the end of the night.

As the bride and groom you are the host of event aka your wedding.

If you were hosting a dinner party. It would be rude as the host of the dinner party to make your friend from work who is attending pay for the alcohol you have available but not make your sister pay because she is family. Would you charge people for drinking at a party you asked them to attend?

It is the same for a wedding. By giving certain people priveliges and not others you are saying that this group is essentially "more" in some way than your other guests which is rude. Either go all cash or no alcohol if you can't afford an open bar but don't play favorites.

DirtyWater · August 2011

I have been to a ton of weddings and only 2 have been open bar. Those weddings had under 100 people in attendance. In our case if we choose open bar for the 5.5 hours of the reception is over $8,000. We don't have an extra $8,000 to pay for alcohol all night. We're bringing in a family wine and having 3 bottles on the tables of 8 with extra at the bar so the groom and I can replenish them. Even open bar for an hour is $4,000.

I would never look down on anyone and I don't get upset when there is an open bar. Everyone can afford what they can afford. Knowing in advance is fine. Word of mouth gets around. But, I've always brought money with me to weddings. I don't think it is a big deal.

I also would never go to someone's house for dinner and expect that with dinner there will be alcohol served. Free alcohol doesn't make a wedding and it doesn't make a dinner. It also doesn't make a good host. Its the person that makes a good host.

I think its rotten when people get all bent out of shape because god forbid they need to pay for a drink and look down on someone. Just be happy they thought highly enough of you that they wanted to spend the day with the ones they love.

Neileo27 · August 2011

No one is saying alcohol makes or breaks a wedding.

I think what this all ends up boiling down to is treating some guests at your wedding differently than others, and whether it is okay to do so.

angele4200 · August 2011

Completely agree with penny, just come up with another plan, or use one of the many suggestions given to you here. We are not providing alcohol at our wedding, we are most definitely not doing a cash bar. We will be providing lots of non-alcoholic options however, and this gives us more room to have amazing food snice we are total foodies. If alcohol is important to you, then figure it out, but don't expect your guests to pay for it. They are your GUESTS.

luv2teech7 · August 2011

The wedding coordinator at my reception site argued with my mom AGAINST offering our guest open bar. I'm not a beer or wine drinker and was horribly offended at my cousin's wedding last fall that I seemed to be the only person paying for drinks....with that said, our coordinator (who has been in the catering business for over 20 years) suggested we do the one hour cocktail hour of either open bar or a set cash amount determined prior to the reception. It's super expensive to have an open bar. I'm paying for my entire wedding myself and am marrying an Italian. We're having over 200 at our 'at home' reception and open bar for that many just isn't an option. The coordinator also said people are more likely to randomly abandon drinks during the open bar receptions.

I would think the BP would be clearly differently dressed than the other guests and wouldn't need to be identified by tickets. We're forgoing the whole BP thing.....and I can't say that I feel at all guilty for having a cash bar. I've worked really hard to pay for my own wedding and my guests aren't coming simply for the alcohol. In our social circle, cash bar is rather common......

monique026 · August 2011

We had cash bar at our reception and we gave drink tickets to our wedding party. I've never been to a wedding in my family that was open bar, so this was perfectly acceptable for us.

I talked with the reception on-site coordinator and she set out the drink tickets on the place settings of each of the bridesmaids / groomsman at the head table, that way they wouldn't have to worry about forgetting them (by giving them to them at say, the rehearsal dinner). I didn't tell them we were doing that ahead of time either, so it was a nice surprise / thank you to all of them

tlgrantham · August 2011

Hi. Let's face it, open bars are really expensive & everyone knows it. My friend put a picture frame on the bar w/ a note that said "in lieu of favors, please accept a drink on us." or something like that. I didn't think it was tacky. In fact, I think getting yet another silly favor that I'm not going to use is a complete waste of money. So, IMHO, do what you can w/ the bar thing & your friends will get it. Esp. those who've been married before.

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