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future stepson

nash74nash74 member
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in Second Weddings
I feel a little guilty but I am worried that my FI will not be able to enjoy our wedding because he will be taking care of his son.  My FI doesnt have a lot of family and noone really that could watch his son during the wedding.  I do want him to be there and be a part of the day but any ideas on what I can do to make sure we still have a good time?  In addition the wedding is about an 1 1/2 hours from our home.
Any suggestions would be helpful.
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Re: future stepson

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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    How old is this future stepson?  If possible, could you hire someone who could take the child back to the house after the ceremony?  That way, your FI would have his son there during the ceremony, and then have the reception time to himself.  If he's under, say 5, the son won't remember it anyway, and it might not even be worth it to have him there for the ceremony. 

    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What handfast said^

    If he's really little (under 2)- maybe he could not come at all?  He won't remember anyway.  However, IF your FI feels very strongly that he wants his son there, that's an important piece. 

    Also, the whole event can be confusing for a younger child, so if he is going to be there, be sure that you spend some time talking to him about what happens.  Sometimes well wishing but unthinking adults say things to children (oh...so now you have a new mom! or isn't it nice to have a new family!--leading to the child getting upset and thinking his old mom is being taken away). 

    If Fi wants him there, and ends up taking care of him the whole night, that's just kind of life in a blended family.  Be ready for it so that you don't get depressed about it. 

    Are the two of you at least getting a break from him for your wedding night?  Could who ever is watching him overnight take him a bit earlier?  ~Donna
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    M&Mf4meM&Mf4me member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Age does make a huge difference.  If he is very young I have to agree with Right1thistime if he is under 2.  But you might want him to be there just for the pictures if he is older than that.  My younger children often reflect on important events and what they did when X and Y happened.   This event is important to their personal history, it's impact will make a lifetime of change.

    If he is older perhaps you could give him a job during the reception that he can do.  Perhaps he could bring a guestbook around and ask for them to sign it?  I plan on having an older teen to help with my smaller kids and providing them with activities and games to play with supervision for the more unstructured time.  I plan to warn my younger ones (7 and 9) that mommy and my new hubby will need to be busy greeting our guests.  Could you also give him a disposable camera?  Could you make him a seek and find like an I SPY picture book?  Play to his talents and interests. 

    Depending on the age I have lots of ideas.

    Hope that helps,
    Shell
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Nash74, I'll wait for your answers to the questions above.

    HOWEVER, you should change your knottie name. It's never wise to use your email address as this leaves you open to unwanted emails from vendors, plus it's really not safe.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Website and Bio Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    nash74nash74 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thank you for all the info especially about changing my screen name
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    honeybee77honeybee77
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    why don't you just hire a babysitter to tend to him at the ceremony and reception.  that way, you can be sure he is being cared for and neither of you have to worry :)
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    melissamc2melissamc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think the previous posters offered up good advice on this.  I'd definitely look into hiring someone to be an extra set of hands for him specifically for the wedding.

      I will point out one thing, however, that I noticed in your post...

    You were pretty clear that HE would be taking care of HIS son.   If my fiance ever worded things like that, I'd take real issue with it.  I came with children and he knew that going into it.  They became OUR children and caring for them, in all situations, became a WE thing.  Maybe the way you worded it didn't mean anything, but it came across (to me) as a kind of "this is his problem" thing. 

    Good luck.  I hope a simple solution comes up for you and that his son can enjoy the wedding and feel included, rather than like a problem.
    10-10-10
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