Forget then engagement ring I've always Dreamed of and use his Grandmother and GreatGrandmothers' en

vooty07 · December 2009

Both of our family's know we plan on getting engaged soon. Recently his Grandmothere offered us her engagement ring that was also her mother's. I am deeply honored and surprised seeing as he has several other cousins/brothers. I've always dreamed of a platinum/white gold ring with a princess cut diamond. His grandmother's ring would be gold with a round cut. I'm torn on what to do. He is in favor of his family's ring and is leaving the ultimate decision up to me.... Any sugestions?

janedoe1113a · December 2009

Holy long title.

You could have their ring and wear it on your right hand and then get your own engagement ring to wear on your left hand.

LuckyLibbyB · December 2009

Are you against wearing it for the rest of your life? If so, what about it makes you feel that way? Is it the yellow gold or the round cut diamond? If its just the yellow gold, you could see if you could pick out a platinum or white gold setting to fit the diamond.

vooty07 · December 2009

I've always wanted to wear my engagement ring for the rest of my life, but I really don't like gold. The idea of getting a new band seems to almost defeat the purpose of using the family ring....

LuckyLibbyB · December 2009

I know a lot of couples that have had just used the diamond from a family ring. To the family member that gave it to them, it was better then not using it at all or taking it and hating it completely. If you really dont like the ring and dont want to change it at all, just would tell your FI that you are honored but that you have always wanted something that reflected your style. If your FI would be ok with that and he can afford and would like to buy a new ring, I think that should really be all that matters.

SarahPLiz · December 2009

Take the free ring with all the sentimental value. Save the money for the wedding.

kimberlyphillips1 · December 2009

A girl I know that just got engaged had a yellow gold solitare that was her fiance's grandmother's ring. They went to look for wedding bands and realized they wanted their bands to be white gold...so she ended up getting the engagement ring "chemically treated," whatever that means...to make it "look" white gold. It just wears out over time and would have to be done again. The ring looks like it was made with white gold, not artificial at all

Perhaps you could have that done, and just "deal" (wish there was a better word) with the circle diamond. I have a round diamond....and love it, so maybe I'm just biased.

Good luck with your decision.

duckie1905 · December 2009

What does your FI think about taking the family ring against buying a new one? While it is your ring and you have to wear it the fact that it is significant to his family should be considered as well.

DH picked out my ring without any input from me. It was the complete opposite of what I thought I always wanted but, in the end, was perfect.

sucrets4 · December 2009

We used my grandmother's stone and had a cubic zirconia put in my mom's setting. My dad had the stone reset when they got engaged. I love that the stone has been passed down but we have retained our settings.

I look forward to giving the stone to a child of mine yet keeping the setting that my husband gave me.

AdeleDazeem · December 2009

I have my Grandmother's engagement ring. It was exactly what I wanted.

My grandmother would be heartbroken if I changed the ring in any way. She specifically asked me not to change it while she was alive. I know that a lot of people have said their family members are okay with taking the stone or changing the metal, but my grandmother was not at all.

Whatever you decide to do, respect the current owner of the ring and the sentimental value of the ring. They may be uncomfortable with any change to such an heirloom. If you can't live with that, then I'd politely say thank you but no.

Brie2010 · December 2009

I agree. Keep the diamond from his grandmother and have it re-set if you don't like yellow gold. If I were you, I'd focus on two things: a) the amount of money you're saving that can be put towards an awesome wedding and b) the significance of him giving you a family heirloom.

Round diamonds sparkle more than princess cut anyway!

qwerty777 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_forget-then-engagement-ring-ive-always-dreamed-of-use-his-grandmother-greatgrandmothers-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:40a481b8-af1e-4a43-a5e0-c544226f3af9Post:687783d9-dd57-4de2-a133-102a3cb791b1">Re: Forget then engagement ring I've always Dreamed of and use his Grandmother and GreatGrandmothers' engagement Ring?</a>:
[QUOTE] she ended up getting the engagement ring "chemically treated," whatever that means...to make it "look" white gold. It just wears out over time and would have to be done again.
Posted by kimberlyphillips1[/QUOTE]

We took FI's grandpa's wedding band in to ask about this, and they told us it was a waste of money because you need to get it done at least once a year. Seems like way too much work just to make people think it's white gold for the rest of your life. I would say either keep it the way it is (you will get used to it and grow to love it, I bet) or politely decline and get the ring you want. I would accept it just to save the money.

lindaeads · December 2009

my FI and I used my mothers ring, my grandmother bought her. It is very sentimental to me, and the only ring i ever wanted. The only problem I had with the ring was that it was gold, I went to a jeweler and got it rodumed, sorry Im not sure how to spell it. But what they did was file the ring down and dip it in white gold, the only thing is that over time and me wearing it every day, it will turn gold again, but the process can be redone over my life time. I always have loved the ring, and now that it is silver it love it so much more. All in all I go the ring sized and rodumed for a GRAND TOTAL of $30.00, it was absolutly worth it!!!

I suggest doing that and using the family ring.

lilgina64 · December 2009

I have my mother's setting and a new stone from my husband. My mother inherited her grandmother's ring and turned the ring my dad gave her into a solitaire necklace and saved the setting for me or my sister. I'll probably inherit my great grandmother's ring and pass my ring down to my daughter and do the same as my mother.

Take the ring. It saves thousands. It can always be replaced later on if you have your heart set on something. Get it at your five year anniversary and move grandma's ring to your right hand. The sentimental value is priceless and probably means a lot to him.

Shasha3100 · December 2009

We are using an heirloom ring and when it was given to us from my parents, they immediatly said that we should change the setting(my mother is very petite and the setting would look very strange on my much bigger hands). For my family it was the diamond that was important, not the setting. So, maybe you should see if it a big deal to the family if you change the setting.

tmwagner · December 2009

If you don't love the ring I don't think you should take it. You said you FI/BF has brothers and cousins, maybe they would like to use it, they (and their future FI's) might love it more, or it might mean more to them than it does to you. Don't take that opportunity away from them if you are on the fence about this.

pooh8402 · December 2009

"so she ended up getting the engagement ring "chemically treated," whatever that means...to make it "look" white gold. It just wears out over time and would have to be done again. The ring looks like it was made with white gold, not artificial at all

"

this is called rhodium plating and it's done for white gold too--white gold is naturally a pale pale yellow, but rhodium plated to make it look whiter and shinier. in fact, women with white gold engagement rings are told to take their rings to their jeweler about a week before the wedding to be re-rhodium plated so it will match the wedding band.

to the OP, the rhodium plating is an option that you may want to discuss. also, to many folks, the stones in the rings are more important than the settings, so again, discuss the possibility of taking the stone out and putting it in a new, similar setting.

Brie2010 · December 2009

Rhodium dipping is not that expensive. My engagement ring and wedding band are both white gold. I'll get them both dipped yearly, and it's $30 for the set to get it done at a store we didn't even get the engagement ring at (we moved). That might be a good solution if your issue is mostly with the color of the ring.

When I was little, I wanted to be a gorilla and talk show host when I grew up. Dreams we have as kids are sometimes unrealistic and we have to change our vision as we grow up. This ring seems perfectly nice, practical, and meaningful...I fail to see the problem. The engagement is about a promise between two people, not a piece of jewelry. Refocus your priorities.

duckie1905 · December 2009

The dipping/plating is worth it if the white-gold look is what you want. I get mine re-plated every 6 months. I takes an hour and because of our warranty, I don't pay for it. If I did, it would cost $25.

I fail to see how that would be a waste of time/money if that was a reasonable solution to at least part of the problem.

liz745 · December 2009

Is he the first of her grandchildren getting married? Because that may be why she offered the ring. I say that if you dont want to use her ring (I didnt want my FI's grandmother's ring) then just explain to her that you are deeply touched at her offer but you would rather have your own ring because hers is not really your style. She wont freak out and hate you and it wont give her a heart attack.

It doesnt really sound like you want the ring and there are other grandchildren she could give it to whose future FI might really love to have the ring. So I say if you dont love it the way it is and dont really want it then be honest with her and let her give it to someone who really loves it. Dont take it just because you want to be polite.

P.S. I think changing it to suit what you like defeats the purpose of taking the ring in the first place but thats just my personal opinion.

Gina and Joshua · December 2009

It seems lke his family (mom and grandma) is very fond of you if they are gladly willing to pass such a precious thing to you. It is always an option to get it plated/dipped, or chemically treated. or you can always wear it for the 1st year of your marriage and as a 1st anniversary present you can go pick out a different ring. I know it wont be a "engagement" ring since you will already be married, but it will still have just as much meaning.

krisdoug13 · December 2009

Well so first off it sounds like his family is rather fond of you!!

I guess the question is what do you and your FI think? Maybe where it is his grandmother's ring he doesn't want to offend her by not accepting it? I guess one alternative would be to have the stone reset with your choice band and setting. Doesn't really solve the cut issue, but it'd be a compromise; you could still get the metal you've dreamed of and still use a portion of the ring! Or visa versa use the setting and get your princess cut diamond. Personally, I think it's special to have a ring/stone as your engagement ring that was passed through the family. So my advise would be to talk it over with your FI more, sleep on it, and maybe even check out a jewler find out what your options would be, costs, etc. if you decided to have it reset.

pag41989 · December 2009

I'm not sure if PP mentioned this but you could get it rodium plated. The only band I found that I liked was yellow gold but the jeweler told me they could plate it to make it white gold. Also you could do like PP's said and just use the stone out of it and get a new setting. Of course it depends on how she feels about it.

SarahSmile23 · December 2009

ditto rhodium plating. this is an easy problem to solve. i initially wanted a princess cut diamond. DH bought me a round cut. now i love it and haven't even though about the cut of it since he gave it to me. (the pp who said round cuts sparkle more is correct.) so deal with the shape of the diamond, get it rhodium plated, as you will have to do if you buy a new white gold band, anyway, and your problem is solved.

SCGee · December 2009

I will be fortunate to inherit my grandmother's e-ring, and I am not going to change anything. Originally, it wasn't the shape diamond I thought I wanted, but it's only a shape, and the meaning of wearing a heirloom is so special to me and an honor, I would appreciate any shape and style. I think you should be honored she offered the ring to you, and know she wants it to stay in the family through having you wear it. I wish my grandmother and grandfather were still around so I can share my excitement and their thoughtfulness with, but I know the meaning of family and love will be passed on through the ring, and I couldn't be more blessed to be able to wear a ring that has been around already about 65 years, and has so much history behind it.

I say proudly accept the ring, as it's not every day that women have the chance to wear an heirloom.

ID149 · December 2009

Do whatever YOU want, it will be on your hand the rest of your life. I know exactly how you feel. I was just proposed to on 11/28 with his great grandmothers engagement/wedding ring fused together. It's very unique and I love it (engraved with their initials and their wedding date of 1925), but not what I would have picked out. My only question was, did they have a good marriage? Of course they did so I brought it to Wedding Day diamond and they separated the two rings, appraised it and cleaned it up. It looks just like new. It's not for everyone, but you have to be the one that makes the decision.

sweety7946 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_forget-then-engagement-ring-ive-always-dreamed-of-use-his-grandmother-greatgrandmothers-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:40a481b8-af1e-4a43-a5e0-c544226f3af9Post:f11e20cd-14b2-4036-9df3-f8d2e88ce657">Re: Forget then engagement ring I've always Dreamed of and use his Grandmother and GreatGrandmothers' engagement Ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've always wanted to wear my engagement ring for the rest of my life, but I really don't like gold. The idea of getting a new band seems to almost defeat the purpose of using the family ring....
Posted by vooty07[/QUOTE]
Get the ring rhodium plated, and then you'll have white gold. The week after we got engaged, FI's parents came to town and I guess his mom had a ring for me that she had rhodium plated because it was yellow gold and I am not a fan. Never saw the ring though, didn't know she had it. I just had my e ring re-plated and it looks good as new. That way you can use the ring and have it white gold as well. Then on like your 5th anniversary you could change the diamond....to a princess cut one

mastewar · January 2010

This is going to be your engagement ring that needs to have great symbolism and meaning to you. Honestly, when you plan a wedding, it is important ot take both families into consideration. But for your ring? You really need ot make sure that you're going to be happy with it. If you take his grandma's ring but get it treated, plated,and/or reset... what is the point of using the ring in the first place?

Just be honest with him and his family. You are touched by her gracious offer, but you aren't sure if it would be the right choice for you. Then you can follow that statement by suggesting a different way that you'd like to honor his gradmother (and therefore his family) during your wedding. Maybe you can ask for one of his grandmother's brooches. then you can have it tied into the wrap on your bouquet so that it is a prominant part of your day and she can feel extra included.

Remember, you have a right to choose where you are willing to compromise and where you don't want to cut corners.

Forget then engagement ring I've always Dreamed of and use his Grandmother and GreatGrandmothers' en

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