Help!

samanthaNmike03 · February 2012

So here's the deal: My fiance's family is very religious and they do not drink any kind of alcohol whatsoever and frown on people who do and would probably be very upset if we had alcohol at the wedding.

Now, my fiance and I definitely do not feel the same way they do nor would most of my friends and family who will be expecting to see alcohol at our wedding and will be disgruntled if it's not there or worse a cash bar.

I don't want to offend anyone by having it and I don't want to annoy anyone by not having it either. I feel stuck. Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone gone through a similar situation? I'm really conflicted and short of having two seperate parties (which we're actually considering) I don't know what to do. Advice is definitely needed!

SarahMayne · February 2012

Remember, it is you and your finaces day. It is ultimately your decision. People are going to have their own opinion no matter what you do, so just do what makes you both happy!

I'm sorry that I can't offer any better advice, but family always tend to think that their own wishes must be followed at the wedding. My family even went as far as telling me to have my wedding in their hometown (3.5 hours away) than mine so they didn't have to "drive that far". Needless to say, they will have to make the drive if they care enough to come.

I don't want to regret having something or not having something at our wedding because of other people's opinions.

crhein26 · February 2012

Samantha,

PP is right. It is yours and your FI's wedding so you get to make the ultimate decision. However, if FI's parents are helping then they should also get a say in the matter. If you are paying for it yourselves, then you can just take into consideration their feelings, but again it would be your decision. Personally, I'm not a huge drinker, and I don't like it when people get so drunk they are stupid, but it would never keep me from attending a reception. I can't speak for FI's parents, but I can't imagine them not coming to the reception just because there is alcohol there. Maybe FI needs to sit down and have a conversation with his parents and let them know that you guys plan to have alcohol at your wedding and see how they react. But FI is the one that needs to start up the conversation, not you. Good luck to you!

LOTON01 · February 2012

Maybe they would be more okay with you having beer and wine and not hard liquor. Just a thought but it sounds like you need to talk to fi family regarding the issue.

missmelanie81 · February 2012

I agree with PP. If your paying for the reception its totally your choice, If someone else is helping then I would take their opinion into consideration....but in the end..ITS YOUR WEDDING!

Sue-n-Kevin · February 2012

It sounds as though you are trying to be thoughtful and make everyone happy, but in your case, that may not be possible. I also agree the discussion with your future in-laws, whatever you both decide, should be done by your fiance. You can be present and support him, but he should do the talking.

Have you decided on a venue for your reception? Are you just hypothesizing on what you want to do, or have you made some firm arrangements?

Here's why I ask (and what I'd do if I were in your situation): You can have the ceremony, and then reception with food and dancing until X time. At X time, with the full knowledge of your future in-laws (and any family members that feel the same), you can then open up your bar, whatever you decide that to be.

Trust me, I am NOT recommending this as a good idea, because it almost becomes a "tiered reception", where the people who stay later get extra goodies (ie alcohol). But if you had dinner and dancing from say 6-8 pm (including all the fun stuff like cake cutting, bouquet throwing, etc), then opened your bar at 8 pm, if the future in-laws want to leave because they don't want to take part in that debauchery, it is their decision. At that point all your drinking guests will be pretty antsy, LOL, but you've taken your future in-laws request into consideration and give them an "out" so to speak. It should also save you some money on alcohol costs. I would also recommend a beer and wine bar, with perhaps a signature drink. We did that and saved a lot of money.

Good luck. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes.

zulamay · February 2012

A portion of my family does not drink or dance. At my wedding and my cousin's wedding, they got up and left after dinner was served. I think it is their loss and didn't miss them.

As previous posts said, it's your day to plan and if you are willing to pay for the bar, then have a bar.

If you want everyone in the same room on the same day, I'd suggest doing one of those "lounges" or having a side room where people can sit quietly away from the drinking and dancing. Just think of something witty to post outside the door so people know it is a drink-free zone. (Something like "Left your dancing shoes at home? Come right in!")

samanthaNmike03 · February 2012

Thank you guys so much for all of your awesome suggestions. Sue, yes we have decided on a reception site but I like your idea and I think I will bring that up at our next meeting with the venue. Zulamay, I like your idea too. That may work. Thank you girls so much!

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