Bridal Shower

twinkle82576 · October 2010

I'm having a very small wedding, only 50 guests. This is immediate family and bridal party only. Ideally we would have liked to invite all the extended family and our friends and co - workers, but it's just not in the budget. That being said, is it ok to invite all the woman that I can't extend a wedding invitation to to the bridal shower? I don't want it to seem like I'm only inviting them to get a gift or anything, I would just really like to celebrate with them in some way. How do I handle this? TIA!

FutureMrsFezz · October 2010

Eh, I wouldn't go there. Ultimately, it could cause confusion when they aren't invited to the wedding. And can seem gift grabby. Some ladies might have hurt feelings.

Maybe just have a get together with all the girls that aren't invited, but I wouldn't call it a shower.

Do these girls know they will not be invited to the wedding already?

CandisH · October 2010

I agree with PP. Especially if its extended family, etc. What you can do after the wedding if you can afford to is have a cook-out or something with the people who you wanted at the wedding but couldn't invite. It's less costly but they'll still feel involved, and most people will understand that way. I my personal opinion is that inviting them to the shower and not the wedding will seem gift grabby. it's a sticky situation. I'm sure it will all work out though!

twinkle82576 · October 2010

Everyone is aware of who we're inviting and who we're not, that's why I kinda wanted to invite them to the shower.

Thanks girls!

EvelynandManny · October 2010

Im having a small wedding too about 40 ppl and im just skipping the bridal shower all together... it just doesnt seem right to invite let say 20 girls to bring me gifts when they will ultimatly do that at the wedding anyways...and i would never invite the ppl not going to the wedding...that can lead to problems... if anything have something AFTER the wedding to celebrate with everyone invited that you couldnt to the wedding...like a party or something

smuslin · October 2010

I have and had this dilemma.

My fiance is from Canada but now he lives in Florida. So my future mother in law wanted to throw me a bridal shower in Canada and my mom wanted to throw me a bridal shower in Florida. So I am having 2 bridal showers.

My future mother in law doesn't care about etiquette but my mother does. She is doing this entrie wedding by the etiquette book.

So my future mother in law threw me a shower in Canada and invited 30 people and I only knew 5 people there and only 5 of them were invited to the wedding. I thought it was the rudest thing in the world. Guess what it wasn't. Everyone was so happy to meet me because they loved my fiance so much. But the downside was the entire time I didn't know anybody and felt like an outsider at my own bridal shower. What ended up happening was that a lot of people who weren't going to be invited thought they were. So that put myself in an odd situation. What ended up happening is that we had to invite an extra 10 people but my future father in law said if anyone shows up he will pay for them 100%.

My mother is now throwing me a bridal shower in Florida. We are going by the book. Only people who are invited to the wedding are invited to the bridal shower. Except one person whom my future mother in law promised she could be invited without checking with my mother first. Which my mom is now mad at her about.

So I would say if you want to invite people who are not invited to the wedding make sure before hand that they know they are not being invited but you still want them to feel part of the wedding.

Sorry I went on for so long. Good Luck

twinkle82576 · October 2010

Thanks girls. I'm thinking of skipping the bridal shower all together because I don't want my girls to go through the trouble of throwing me one for only a handful of people.

PattyJose · October 2010

I agree with the girls on this one. I personally would not like to be invited to a bridal shower and not the wedding. Although your intentions are very good, i wouldn't do it. Instead of a bridal shower you can always do a "get together" just as a celebration/

PhiSigFly · October 2010

My best friend had a VERY small wedding, only 25 people- immediate family only. Everyone knew who was invited and who wasn't invited. Her sister threw her a bridal shower and invited people (including myself) who were not invited to the wedding. To be honest, while etiquette says this is wrong, I was really excited to celebrate something with her. She invited a bunch of her friends and got to celebrate with people who she won't be celebrating with at the wedding. Again, as a guest of the bridal shower who was not invited to the wedding, I was really happy to be there for her, buy her a gift, and acknowledge her wedding.

I think as long as people KNOW they are not invited, they may feel similarly to how I felt.

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