So I am thinking of proposing

BikerCar13 · February 2012

So I know if I wait for a proposal I will wait forever. Hes mentioned before that he doesnt really care about the whole process (recently divorced) but in the last couple of weeks I jokingly proposed and he actually sounded like it was an option for him and since has been making comments about how 'when his divorce is final it will open up doors for us'. I dont want to wait. I am happier that I have ever been and I know he feels the same way. And plus it would really help us out as he just moved to the states to be closer to his daughter and I am having a hard time landing work in my field to move down.

Looking it all up I found theres a very old leap year tradition where women are allowed to propose on leap year and even theres old laws in some places that if men refuse they have to make up for it. Not that I care about that just found it to be a sort of sign.

So basically do you guys think its a good idea and what about the whole ring factor. I have a nice ring my mom gave me years ago and I figured I could just wear that or do I get him a ring or no ring at all? How should this work.

redheadfsu · February 2012

He isn't even divorced from his wife and you want to push him into getting engaged to you? Unless they were separated for years before they filed, I think you are rushing. He has a daughter too? So you want to get engaged to this girl's father before he even gets his divorce from her mom. Please think about the emotions involved in a divorce, plus how it might effect the divorce process. Please wait.

cwaggoner07 · February 2012

There seem to be a lot of red flags to getting engaged right now. How long have y'all been together? How long has he been separated? Do he and his ex have a civil custody agreement? You want to make sure the dust is COMPLETELY settled on his previous relationship before making a commitment like that.

achiduck · February 2012

Honestly, I wouldn't push him. You said that you're happy so why not keep things how they are for now?

Let the ink dry on the divorce papers (when they come through) before you start jumping into an engagement.

adktd2boots · February 2012

MUD

KarleeKrause35 · February 2012

Honestly, if it he has stated that he doesn't care about the whole process, you shouldn't push him. If his divorce isn't even final yet, I doubt that he is dying to jump into another marriage so soon. If it's what he wants, he will let you know. I don't think it's fair that you're going to put him into such an awkward position when you know the circumstances surrounding this- wait.

BikerCar13 · February 2012

Hes been seperated for 4 years. We've been living together for two. Shes rushing the divorce as she is marrying her new fiance in June so emotions between them is nothing. I have met the daughter and she is a sweetheart. We get along really well and talk via email. I have met her mom and we all know each other.

redheadfsu · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_so-i-am-thinking-of-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:e6383498-f319-416b-ad52-13e87e7ee9e4Post:49f3048c-e7e0-44a1-8779-bcb97d473707">Re: So I am thinking of proposing</a>:
[QUOTE]Hes been seperated for 4 years. We've been living together for two. Shes rushing the divorce as she is marrying her new fiance in June so emotions between them is nothing. I have met the daughter and she is a sweetheart. We get along really well and talk via email. I have met her mom and we all know each other.
Posted by BikerCar13[/QUOTE]

And that is great but have you spoken to his attorney as to how getting engaged will effect his case?

ETA: I understand she is engaged, but especially if custody is an issue, anything that changes could effect that case.

BikerCar13 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_so-i-am-thinking-of-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:e6383498-f319-416b-ad52-13e87e7ee9e4Post:86eac106-2103-4f05-a1d6-14214977f8fc">Re: So I am thinking of proposing</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So I am thinking of proposing : And that is great but have you spoken to his attorney as to how getting engaged will effect his case? ETA: I understand she is engaged, but especially if custody is an issue, anything that changes could effect that case.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

I have. Getting married came up as an option to help me get down. Considering the fact that we are happy and work so well together it would be real and beneficial. I couldn't do it unless it was real anyways. So when we talked about it yes I went to a lawyer and had all mine and his questions answered. It will not affect his case. Custody has already been sorted out via the seperation papers that were signed a few years ago and resigned again when we both went so everyone could all meet and talk.

calliopeia2013 · February 2012

Personally, I would wait until the divorce is final to propose, just for the symbolism of it. To me, if I were in his shoes, it would feel kind of weird and maybe a bit wrong to promise to marry someone when I wasn't yet free to do so. He might be waiting to propose to you for that reason. You said the divorce is being rushed, so it doesn't sound like there's that much longer to wait. After that, go ahead and propose if you want to.

ETA: Also, are you emotionally prepared for the possibility that he might say no? It sounds like he might be a little gun-shy about marriage right now.

achiduck · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_so-i-am-thinking-of-proposing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:e6383498-f319-416b-ad52-13e87e7ee9e4Post:b10e2410-7427-46fe-bc34-94c53e7c1b4c">Re: So I am thinking of proposing</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I would wait until the divorce is final to propose, just for the symbolism of it. To me, if I were in his shoes, it would feel kind of weird and maybe a bit wrong to promise to marry someone when I wasn't yet free to do so. He might be waiting to propose to you for that reason. You said the divorce is being rushed, so it doesn't sound like there's that much longer to wait. After that, go ahead and propose if you want to. ETA: <strong>Also, are you emotionally prepared for the possibility that he might say no? It sounds like he might be a little gun-shy about marriage right now.
</strong>Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]
This is an excellent point. Based on your OP he sounds somewhat anti-marriage right now.

redheadfsu · February 2012

Ok, well at least is is serious enough about getting married HE discussed it with his attorney.

But still, most people in the middle of a divorce would freak out if their significant other proposed to them. Even if they have been separated for years, actually getting divorced is VERY emotional. I have had clients break down and cry in court at the final hearing when they haven't even seen their spouse in 15 years.

saraschilling88 · February 2012

I agree with PPs that I would wait until he is officially divorced. I wouldn't want you to ask him and potentially get turned down because he is stressing about the divorce.

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