No wedding party, appropriate to have rehearsal dinner?

kokichan14 · January 2012

My fiance and I are keeping our 80 person wedding simple without any wedding attendants. His parents are now asking about the rehearsal dinner. Since there technically is no rehearsal with a wedding party, is it appropriate to have a rehearsal dinner? Who would be invited and how would it work out? Also, my mother wants to invite our family from California and some family from the area, what is the proper etiquette for this situation?

toothpastechica · January 2012

Are you having a rehersal? Invite whoever is involved (parents i guess in this case, maybe the officiant if you know him outside of being a vendor) if you are not having a rehersal there is no need for a rehersal dinner.

kateguess22 · January 2012

Okay, etiquette-wise, I believe that if there is no rehearsal then you do not need to have a rehearsal dinner. If you are asking people to come rehearse for your wedding, then etiquette dictates that you host a meal- casual or formal- to show consideration and appreciation.

We are also not having wedding attendants. We are not having a rehearsal. However, we have decided to host a dinner the night before the wedding out at a restaurant for our immediate families to thank them for all their help in planning our wedding. We are calling it the 'rehearsal dinner' even though that's not truly what it is. Maybe it's silly to call it that but like I said, it's immediate family only, so they won't really mind if we aren't calling it the right thing. It's for simplicity's sake that we are calling it that- the family dinner we are hosting to celebrate the night before the wedding. It will be more intimate and fun and it will be the first time our families are spending time together- they've only met briefly in the past.

I feel like, at least in our case, it really isn't something that is necessary but it is something that we are really looking forward to.

I think you should talk this over with your mom and see what she thinks and how it would work. Depending what you're into, you could organize any number of get-togethers for that night with extended family even if it does not involve dinner. (ie: after dinner) if you want to get together with everyone and spend time with some family members. I also think that you should talk to your FI parents about it. Since they're asking about it, they may be wondering if they are needed to pay for the rehearsal dinner as that is tradition. Maybe your fiance could let them know what you are planning and that you are paying for it yourselves (if you are).

You could even host a casual bbq or anything you want!

ginadog · January 2012

We are inviting 75 guests and not having a wedding party either. There is no rehearsal involved, but there is a ceremony plan, it just doesn't need to be rehearsed.

However, since mine is a destination wedding for all of my guests, I am using that night before the wedding as a welcome party. We're getting pizzas and having them delievered to this cool park where I'll rent a pavilion.

kateguess22 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-party-appropriate-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83eba412-11ad-4c47-88a1-f9e7795c47bfPost:0508146b-dc47-4d44-8d04-c979b31a15c9">Re: No wedding party, appropriate to have rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are inviting 75 guests and not having a wedding party either. There is no rehearsal involved, but there is a ceremony plan, it just doesn't need to be rehearsed. However, since mine is a destination wedding for all of my guests, I am using that night before the wedding as a welcome party. We're getting pizzas and having them delievered to this cool park where I'll rent a pavilion.
Posted by ginadog[/QUOTE]

That's really nice.

jessicabessica · January 2012

We didn't have a wedding party either, but we had a BBQ dinner in a local park the day before the wedding for all of our guests (everyone was out-of-town).

LemonMeringue · January 2012

We did not have attendants or a rehearsal but we still had a dinner on Friday night before the wedding. It was about 20 people, immediate family and some aunts, uncles, and friends who had traveled a long way to be there. Everyone ended up calling it the "rehearsal dinner" even though technically it was just a dinner. It got the idea across and loosely communicated who would be there -- bride and groom and some close family and friends from each side.

ginadog · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-party-appropriate-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83eba412-11ad-4c47-88a1-f9e7795c47bfPost:f1997ce0-3200-4007-b5d2-190f6a25f577">Re: No wedding party, appropriate to have rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No wedding party, appropriate to have rehearsal dinner? : That's really nice.
Posted by kateguess22[/QUOTE]

Thank you!

We're taking interested guests rafting the day after as well (using our friends' rafts). There hasn't been any offers for help (no one is near anyway), but I want to spend time with guests and make all their travels worthwhile.

melb2013 · January 2012

I've read that it is proper to have the groom's family entertain the out of town guests the night before. I think it is necessary to do something if you have people coming from out of the town the night before.

sweetcanadian1979 · January 2012

It would not be a rehearsal dinner as there is no rehearsal. You could have something informal for whomever you choose if you so wish though.

Our rehearsal dinner is pizza & beer. It is nice & casual which is how we are, no one will think differently of us but they would if we went fancy, they would think we were "trying to impress" lol.

cindyn9178 · January 2012

Having a rehearsal dinner when there is no rehearsal is like having a wedding reception when you didn't get married.

Hilraythebride · January 2012

If you are having a rehersal, having a rehersal dinner is proper ettiquette. You can keep it small and simple by just having yourself the FI and mother and father of the bride and groom, also if you are having OOT guests come you may want to invite them as well.

annie912 · January 2012

We are also not having a wedding party and no rehersal. We will, however, be having the OOT guests over for a spaghetti dinner the night before. Nothing fancy, and if they want to do something else instead, that's fine. Just figured I'd throw the option out there to whomover wanted to attend. The wedding will be small, 50ish people, so the dinner the night before should be small and pretty low-key as well.

No wedding party, appropriate to have rehearsal dinner?

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