Invitation Dilemma!!!

Gracie_InLove · December 2010

Just to let you know we work on a cruise ship which means that our wedding will be held on the cruise ship or on one of the ports of call, most likely in his home country which we will be visiting every two weeks once we join the ship, or probably later on when we do a transatlantic to Europe.

We haven't chosen a date yet. We don't want to offend anyone.
So, What do you do if you are getting married and you know that only a very reduced number of people can attend? Do you still invite everyone as if they were going to be able to in your home town?

vicki0508 · December 2010

You can still let them know that it's an option. But if you want a small wedding, don't invite a ton of people.

Just a heads up, if you only invite a small number of people to the wedding, later you can't have a reception at home for all of the people you didn't invite.

desertmomnm · December 2010

Have a small wedding with the closest ones. Then send out announcements instead of invitations.

redheadfsu · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:958c4054-444f-458d-bdab-6310b2e9e77a">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Dilemma!!! : We work on a cruise ship, so in order for people to attend our wedding they would have to book a cruise.
Posted by Gracie_InLove[/QUOTE]

I know several people that have had a cruise ship wedding. They had a lot of guests. Just try to schedule it so it isn't insanely expensive.

Edit: As to the number to invite. Treat it like any other wedding. Invite those you can afford to host & the people you want. If they decline, then they decline.

If you want to have a reception when you get home, then it needs to be relatively close to your wedding date (less than a year). After that then it is more like a vow renewal/ anniversary party. Also at home receptions are usually more low key than wedding receptions. (no first dance, garter toss, etc). Also, many think you should only invite those invited to the wedding (to include the ones that declined) or only have them if very very very few people were invited to your wedding (i.e only parents & siblings)

missfarar · December 2010

Only invite those that you want to be there. If they can afford the trip, great...if not you can always hold a reception at home after the wedding.

We will be having a small wedding because that is our preference. Those that are not invited will be sent an announcement very shortly (within a few days) after the wedding.

Gracie_InLove · December 2010

Thanks so much guys!!! I think we're going to have a small civil wedding with my moms(my mother and my aunt), my grandma, my sister and my BIL, and then when we're done with the contracts then have the church wedding and invite those people we would want to share the religious wedding with. it would still be kind of small because of the lack of time to plan it and most likely the lack of budget.

Thanks guys!!!

redheadfsu · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:55288906-0860-40f0-a686-9556a0cdabd3">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks so much guys!!! I think we're going to have a small civil wedding with my moms(my mother and my aunt), my grandma, my sister and my BIL, and then when we're done with the contracts then have the church wedding and invite those people we would want to share the religious wedding with. it would still be kind of small because of the lack of time to plan it and most likely the lack of budget. Thanks guys!!!
Posted by Gracie_InLove[/QUOTE]

The church ceremony would not be a wedding. The church ceremony would be a blessing of the civil marriage. Usually church blessing are very very small & the pastors won't allow traditional wedding traditions. (i.e. big princess white dress).

vicki0508 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:55288906-0860-40f0-a686-9556a0cdabd3">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks so much guys!!! I think we're going to have a small civil wedding with my moms(my mother and my aunt), my grandma, my sister and my BIL, and then when we're done with the contracts then have the church wedding and invite those people we would want to share the religious wedding with. it would still be kind of small because of the lack of time to plan it and most likely the lack of budget. Thanks guys!!!
Posted by Gracie_InLove[/QUOTE]
Why can't you just have the church wedding? Why do the civil ceremony and the church ceremony have to be different? Are you nixing the cruise wedding? I don't get it.

Gracie_InLove · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:f79479f9-4cbe-4cd8-806f-eedd5e0334ae">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]No, you can't. Your wedding is the first ceremony that you have. Your secondary event at the church is really just a vow renewal. You get one wedding, no repeats. It's offensive to people that have had a JOP ceremony because you're insinuating that the JOP ceremony isn't the "real" wedding and the real one doesn't occur until the larger church ceremony.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

You are the one insinuating it, not me.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:f8e94cd3-ae8b-44a9-9631-1e086cf2c442">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Dilemma!!! : You are the one insinuating it, not me.
Posted by Gracie_InLove[/QUOTE]

But you are the one insisting on having two seperate ceremonies.

Gracie_InLove · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:3d73752e-f68e-4693-a523-ab8271165650">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Dilemma!!! : But you are the one insisting on having two seperate ceremonies.
Posted by CoffeeBean330[/QUOTE]

Because only a very reduced number of people would be able to make it. Besides to each its own. They can do whatever they want with their lives, cause its their lives.

vicki0508 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:4059203a-d560-4fa6-8f9b-7eaacec66378">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Dilemma!!! : Because only a very reduced number of people would be able to make it. Besides to each its own. They can do whatever they want with their lives, cause its their lives.
Posted by Gracie_InLove[/QUOTE]
If people can't make it to your ceremony, that doesn't mean you get a do-over at home to include more people.

The people you invite to your ceremony can be invited to an at home reception, but you can't invite people to the reception that weren't invited to the original ceremony.

And yes, you can do whatever you want with your life, but you came here asking for opions about your invitation dilemma, and you got them.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:bce5a829-06ed-4361-a7b5-f0dfea6cadb9">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Dilemma!!! : If people can't make it to your ceremony, that doesn't mean you get a do-over at home to include more people. The people you invite to your ceremony can be invited to an at home reception, but you can't invite people to the reception that weren't invited to the original ceremony. And yes, you can do whatever you want with your life, but you came here asking for opions about your invitation dilemma, and you got them.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

Agreed. It would be like having the church wedding and saying you didn't like how it came out so you're doing it again next week.

redheadfsu · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:4059203a-d560-4fa6-8f9b-7eaacec66378">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Dilemma!!! : Because only a very reduced number of people would be able to make it. Besides to each its own. They can do whatever they want with their lives, cause its their lives.
Posted by Gracie_InLove[/QUOTE]

But the law only allows you to have one wedding. If you want two weddings you will have to file for divorce in-between. The second one is not a wedding & it is offensive to everyone (including your guests) to call it one. You would be having a fake wedding which is offensive. If I was invited to a fake wedding I would be offended. Many people on these boards have said the same thing.

Gracie_InLove · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:5641bf9a-e1c1-4387-a0aa-69520b355437">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Dilemma!!! : But the law only allows you to have one wedding. If you want two weddings you will have to file for divorce in-between. The second one is not a wedding & it is offensive to everyone (including your guests) to call it one. You would be having a fake wedding which is offensive. If I was invited to a fake wedding I would be offended. Many people on these boards have said the same thing.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

How dare you call it a Fake Wedding??? Just because you are not ok with it, doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful with people's decisions. BTW you're the only one that has called it a fake wedding. I've always known that first you get married by a judge and within a week they perform the religious wedding, which is the one where they invite everyone and they have the reception.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:325a7ad6-74dd-4b06-b70d-8e9c454bd26d">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Dilemma!!! : How dare you call it a Fake Wedding??? Just because you are not ok with it, doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful with people's decisions. BTW you're the only one that has called it a fake wedding. I've always known that first you get married by a judge and within a week they perform the religious wedding, which is the one where they invite everyone and they have the reception.
Posted by Gracie_InLove[/QUOTE]

I've never heard that. Either you get married by a judge or someone similar or you get married in a church. Not both. And I don't know what type of church you're going for, but I'm 99.99% the Catholic Church will not approve of the second wedding.

redheadfsu · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_invitation-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:f1dcdc69-a30d-4233-8c32-2b6357810490Post:325a7ad6-74dd-4b06-b70d-8e9c454bd26d">Re: Invitation Dilemma!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Dilemma!!! : How dare you call it a Fake Wedding??? Just because you are not ok with it, doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful with people's decisions. BTW you're the only one that has called it a fake wedding. I've always known that first you get married by a judge and within a week they perform the religious wedding, which is the one where they invite everyone and they have the reception.
Posted by Gracie_InLove[/QUOTE]

In the USA (which most of the people on these boards are from) the state recognizes religious weddings. You do not need a civil marriage first. You apply for a license and your pastor/ priest can legally marry you. Only one wedding. A few countries do require a civil marriage first, but not here. So I have no idea why you think this. You may want to research the law before you start planning.

The Church will not call the second thing a wedding.... they will call it a convalidation or a blessing of the civil marriage. You need to speak with your pastor and a local lawyer to clear this up. I think you may be confused. Your pastor/priest most likely will not allow the traditional aspects of a "wedding" when he blesses your civil marriage.

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