Atheist Wedding

avensong · February 2012

So the fiance and I are both of the atheist persusion and both come from hyper religious families. Any ideas on the best way to inform the parentals that the wedding will most definately not be in any way shape or form church related without completely destroying the inlaw relationship?

CAB1217 · February 2012

Would you even have to say it? Get a ceremony venue that is not in a church. They know you're atheists, right?

arwo · February 2012

Why do you need to tell them specifically that it will be a non-religious ceremony?

My husband and I are atheist, also. Although our parents are also non-religious, I have a lot of family members that are religious. We didn't tell them "Hey, there won't be any God in our ceremony!" We just invited them to the wedding, which was not held in a church. No big deal.

Just pick the place you want to have the wedding and tell them that's where it is.

lindseyann410 · February 2012

We are having a non-religious ceremony, and I don't plan on "warning" any of my family. They know it's outside. I'm sure many will figure it out, but I think some people might not even notice.

Nina0528 · February 2012

H's family is religious and I'm sure his mom would have liked us to get married in a church. My only major requirement for the wedding was that it not be in a church which H was fine with. It was never even brought up with his mom and I never saw the reason to. Book your ceremony where the two of you want to and if his mom complains let him deal with it.

JoelandLeann · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_atheist-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:dc29ba25-28e5-47ff-81cc-c60b53b9a471Post:9fab5337-f6ab-4d68-aa11-23ebcfc83333">Atheist Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]So the fiance and I are both of the atheist persusion and both come from hyper religious families. Any ideas on the best way to inform the parentals that the wedding will most definately not be in any way shape or form church related without completely destroying the inlaw relationship?
Posted by avensong[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I come from a Roman Catholic family. I have been confirmed Roman Catholic, but I am agnostic. I told my my that I didn't want to start my marriage out on a lie. I was not comfortable making vows to a God I do not believe in. She took it hard because she feels as though she failed in raising me Catholic as a beleiver, but she also understands that it would be an insult to believers if I lied in front of them.

</div>

JoelandLeann · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_atheist-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:dc29ba25-28e5-47ff-81cc-c60b53b9a471Post:9fab5337-f6ab-4d68-aa11-23ebcfc83333">Atheist Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]So the fiance and I are both of the atheist persusion and both come from hyper religious families. Any ideas on the best way to inform the parentals that the wedding will most definately not be in any way shape or form church related without completely destroying the inlaw relationship?
Posted by avensong[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I come from a Roman Catholic family. I have been confirmed Roman Catholic, but I am agnostic. I told my my that I didn't want to start my marriage out on a lie. I was not comfortable making vows to a God I do not believe in. She took it hard because she feels as though she failed in raising me Catholic as a beleiver, but she also understands that it would be an insult to believers if I lied in front of them.

</div>

number55 · February 2012

Start by not taking any money from them for the wedding.

I would however be honest. If you believe that they will presume that the wedding might be religious in some way I would be up front from the beginning that it won't be.

Personally I take greater offense to brides who desperately want a church wedding when they aren't believers so good for you for not waivering in your beliefs.

coopsbaby · February 2012

Fi and I are atheists as well and are having a non-religious ceremony. His family is devout Catholic, mine is a mix of Lutheran and Catholic (also pretty big in the church). They all know we're atheists, so there's nothing to tell.

Are they under the assumption that you attend church? Are they unaware that you are non-religious?

I'm sure our mothers would prefer a church wedding, but that's not their choice. And I do agree with pp's who said it's insulting to make vows to a God you don't believe in. I might prewarn them ifthey have no clue you've separated from the church, but if they already know that nobody should be surprised!

avensong · February 2012

I know there is going to have to be a conversation, I can see my parents are gearing up for a fight and with the sheer level of catholic in his family (38 first cousins!) I know that somebody is going to have to explain things to grandma, but I really don't know how to initiate things without getting too emotional and without them feeling like I am stepping on their belief system. I feel like the surprise factor would just cause more bad blood in the family and I really want to get out of this thing intact.

ricksang · February 2012

We had an atheist wedding. We made sure we had a ceremony that was not offensive (did not mention our beliefs). We had a beautiful handfasting which everyone say was the prettiest ceremony they had ever seen and didn't even notice that god was not mentioned.

number55 · February 2012

I would definitely mention it sooner rather than later...I mean, yes, you have two years til your wedidng, but at the same time, if you have a date, you will probaly have a venue soon...I just figure its better to be up front from the start. If they know your feelings they may not be surprised but at the same time, many parents have 'dreams' about what their children's weddings will look like. I just don't think there is any reason to let them think that it will be a church wedding when you don't plan on having one. Yes, there will be battles ahead most likely, but stick your ground.

reils · February 2012

We had a non-religious ceremony at an outdoor venue and I don't think anyone noticed that is was non-religious, or if they did they didn't care. Even H's Grandma who used to be a nun didn't seem to notice or have an issue with it.

Just pick a non-religious venue and pick the ceremony wording and vows that you and your FI are comfortable with. It will work itself out. I think you are overthinking this a bit.

Anysunrise · February 2012

This thread is hilarious when read while the atheist South Park episode is on.

VeggieLove1022 · February 2012

We had a non-religious wedding. We ended up putting together our entire ceremony ourselves and told the justice of the peace to literally read down the paper. That's what she did and not only was it perfect, but I don't think anyone noticed the lack of religion. I can PM you the entire ceremony if you'd like. It was pretty short because well..... we wanted to party.

tanyanubin · February 2012

In your original post you mentioned "without destroying the inlaw relationship". It's probably better for your FI to break this news to them if he thinks they'll react badly. If you're involved you could be blamed. My daughter's upcoming wedding will also be nonreligious. May of us are atheists on our side of the family, in spite of my generations' being raised, and educated, Catholic. There are still cousins who practice the religion. Her FI, however, is from a very Catholic family. He made it very clear to them from the beginning that he will not be married in a religious ceremony. Kindly, but firmly. My daughter didn't have to get involved at all. They are working on designing a beautiful, brief ceremony involving handfasting. (Celtic roots)

avensong · February 2012

@VeggieLove1022, I would absolutely love to see anything you can show me on your ceremony! Thank you so much!!!

MiLadyK · February 2012

Ignore it unless someone asks. If you don't make a big deal out of it, probably no one else will either. The invites will give them the non church location, they know that you're both athiests, connecting the dots isn't difficult.

As long as your ceremony still takes the occassion seriously and treats it with respect, most people won't notice that you skipped the "Love is patient" bible verses.

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