Need to VENT!

blueyedgirl24_7 · October 2010

Sorry this might be long but I have to get it out. Here I go. So it's 11 days before our wedding and we have a 2000 balance with our hotel that my future MIL was supposed to take care of. I asked her this Monday because I was starting to get worried that we still didn't have the money from her and she finally sent me a text Monday night saying she couldn't come up with it. If I would have known I had to budget more money for this wedding I would have but she told us not to worry this whole time. My DF just found a job after being laid off since January so we have been struggling to pay for the wedding and didn't want to call it off because we knew he would eventually go back to work. But I have maxed out credit cards, spent all my student loan money for this huge wedding that I didn't need in the first place. I wanted a small romantic wedding that we could afford but people kept reassuring me that it would get paid for. I had to call my mom balling my eyes out and ask for the money which she had no problem loaning me. My mom at the beginning of this said she would either give us money for the wedding or pay for our honeymoon so we took the honeymoon. I can't even bare to look or talk to his mother right now. I told DF that I would be cordial to her at the wedding but I seriously can't see us ever having that MIL - DIL relationship. I am so angry. I won't let it ruin my wedding day but I can't stand to even look at her. Any advice would be lovely.

gadragonetti · October 2010

How does your fiance feel? And what are her reasons for not having the money? I wouldn't confront her or really deal with it until after the wedding to avoid any awkwardness, but you have every right to let her know how you feel. Sending it in a text message is pretty cowardly, even if she does have a good reason. Does your fiance support the way you feel?

blueyedgirl24_7 · October 2010

My fiance actually broke down when he found out about it. She has done nothing but disappoint him his whole life. He doesn't even want to talk to her. The thing is, she doesn't have a reason. She never gave us one, only said, I'm sorry I feel like a loser and that was all she said. I didn't disagree with her!

browneyedbride7 · October 2010

Eek. That really stinks. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with FMIL. If it makes you feel any better, my FMIL irritates the crap out of me and has gotten to me so much that I can longer have a good MIL-DIL relationship with her either. I will be civil when I need to be and that's it. Good luck to you. Remember, it is YOUR wedding. Don't let anyone ruin it for you. Enjoy your day.

beckster5551 · October 2010

I am sooooo sorry that you have to go through all of this right before your wedding. FIL's have offered money to help pay for the wedding but I am not counting on it.

Hope things get better! Just think, you are getting married in 11 days!

Jules08 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:118Discussion:4a34a30e-1cbd-4b12-8248-6e7661a15df6Post:ac7271b2-5207-4fba-ba05-64673e8954c0">Re: Need to VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance actually broke down when he found out about it. She has done nothing but disappoint him his whole life. He doesn't even want to talk to her. The thing is, she doesn't have a reason. She never gave us one, only said, I'm sorry I feel like a loser and that was all she said. I didn't disagree with her!
Posted by blueyedgirl24_7[/QUOTE]

Sounds like 2 huge red flags in this post: you had a pretty good idea of her behavior prior to her offer, you probably shouldn't have counted on her to follow through. That being said, I'm sorry that it happened. That was really nice of your mom to help out. I'm sure you could have worked out an arrangement with the venue too if needed.

The second red flag: you couldn't afford this wedding and you probably should have postponed it. Sounds like you just got yourself into a mountain of debt and are risking your credit with maxed out cards and using your student loans.

For now, relax and enjoy your wedding, BUT I would get in touch with a financial advisor as soon as your wedding is over to get on the right track to pay off this debt and to be able to use your student loans as they were inteneded (or just simply paying them back).

portialoveschris · October 2010

I know you came to this board to vent and for comfort, not to be judged. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this now, especially so close to your wedding. Money, family, love are such powerful forces and can stir up so many emotions. I'm sure, like with everything, time will heal your hurt. Maybe one day she will give you a reason, maybe she won't, but you're marrying the man of your dreams and that's what matters.

*hugs*

jberg134 · October 2010

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this right now. I can only begin to imagine how your and your fiance must be feeling right now...angry, let down, overwhelmed, and many more emotions. You may not have support from FMIL, but you do have each other and your mom. Stay strong and find a way to work through this challange together.

Jelenny · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:118Discussion:4a34a30e-1cbd-4b12-8248-6e7661a15df6Post:0acb9fde-de8a-40ca-93e4-5b447f373077">Re: Need to VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need to VENT! : Sounds like 2 huge red flags in this post: you had a pretty good idea of her behavior prior to her offer, you probably shouldn't have counted on her to follow through. That being said, I'm sorry that it happened. That was really nice of your mom to help out. I'm sure you could have worked out an arrangement with the venue too if needed. The second red flag: you couldn't afford this wedding and you probably should have postponed it. Sounds like you just got yourself into a mountain of debt and are risking your credit with maxed out cards and using your student loans. For now, relax and enjoy your wedding, BUT I would get in touch with a financial advisor as soon as your wedding is over to get on the right track to pay off this debt and to be able to use your student loans as they were inteneded (or just simply paying them back).
Posted by Jules08[/QUOTE]

I couldn't have said it better

MissBNicole · October 2010

Maybe just tell her it's no problem & that your mother has agreed to take her payments back iover the next year. If she really feels bad, make her sign something saying she'll pay your mom back- worse case scenario your mom can take her to small claims court.

sstobbe · October 2010

I totally understand what you are going through. I borrowed my mother $1500 of our wedding money because she needed some financial help. She agreed to pay us back in full by Oct 15th & we haven't seen a penny. With that being said, we didn't borrow her money we couldn't afford to lose. Now, instead of paying us back she has been offering to pay for things for the wedding. I don't want her to write checks that she can't cash, so I am really not counting on ever seeing this money again or her paying for anything. It really sucks, because that's a lot of money & we are over budget, so it would have helped to still have it. At the end of the day we will still be able to have the wedding we want, which I guess is all that matters right now.

On the plus side, you will never have to deal with this situation again. I hope it all works out for you in the end.

Need to VENT!

Re: Need to VENT!

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