Catholic wedding question

Re: Catholic wedding question

• renjon7798 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Also, I've picked out my dress but now that he wants it in a Catholic Church, I'm not sure it will meet the, I guess for lack of a better term, "appropriate dress code" for the Church.  Here is my dress...
  
  http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?style=J1324

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• Riss91 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Welcome and congrats on your wedding!
  
  You will not need to convert in order to have your wedding in the Catholic church. As long as one of you is Catholic, you're fine. Some priests will advise against having communion (full mass) in your situation, since only your FI would be able to receive it. A typical wedding ceremony without communion will last about 30-45 min. You will also have to complete some pre-cana classes, which are really not  scary.
  
  As far as attire - I would ask your priest what he requires. Some priests will ask that you cover your shoulders for the ceremony(and possibly your bridesmaids, too), some won't. I would be careful about having cleavage showing.
  
  Let us know if you have any more questions.
  

  
  

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• renjon7798 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  We are both divorced.  My first marriage was in a Methodist Church and by my understanding, since I am not a member of the Catholic Church, it shouldn't be an issue.  However, my FI was married in the Church and hasn't had it annuled.  (They divorced due to her cheating and refusing to save the marriage)  Can he get the Church to annul the marriage so we can get married in the Church and receive the full Sacrament of Marriage?  Or is that even needed?
  

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• Riss91 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  He would need to have his first marriage annulled in order to be married in the Catholic church. There are varying types of annulments and some take a really long time. Was he married in the Catholic church originally?
  
   

  
  

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• agapecarrie member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  The Catholic church views marriage very seriously, and takes seriously the vows people make when they say "till death". This includes non-Catholics. Even non-Baptized can enter into a valid natural marriage. Catholics have an additional requirement by following the correct form and matter for marriage---which is in the church. A Catholic who attempts to marry outside the proper avenues through the church is not validly married.
  
  Therefore, both of you would have to have the previous marriages annuled, because divorce cannot undo what God has done. The first marriages are presumed to be valid, so you cannot enter into a marriage with someone else, because you are presumed to be married already. An annulment looks at the time of the marriage to see if there was some part missing that would make it valid. If this is found, then a declaration of nullity is given. It is not automatic, it has to be seriously studied.
  
  Make an appointment with a parish priest as soon as possible. You will not be able to set a date until both marriages have been declared null.

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• renjon7798 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Yes, his first marriage was in the Catholic Church.  We are both the victims of cheaters who wanted out of the marriages.  Both of our pervious spouses refused marriage counseling also.  But that's another story all together.
  
  I should make it clear that we both take marriage very seriously and both of us feel that we will not be properly married unless it is in a Christian ceremony.  While my FI is not a "practicing" Catholic, because we live together and he doesn't attend church on a regular basis, he still believes in the Catholic Church and everything it stands for.  His daughter, in fact, just celebrated her first communion.  He very much wants a Catholic ceremony.  Now, if we simply get married in a parish, do all of the annulment rules still apply?
  

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• Riss91 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  You'll need both marriages annulled in order to be married in the Catholic church. If you do not have the annulments, you will still be considered married in the eyes of the church and wouldn't be allowed to get married again.
  
  You could choose NOT to be married in the Catholic church (in order to avoid the annulments), but that doesn't seem to jive with your FI/children's Catholic beliefs. It's best not to "cut corners" with this.
  
  There are many ladies here who have gone through the annulment process and found it to be very rewarding and cleansing. Best wishes to you both!
  

  
  

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• renjon7798 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Thank you so much!  You're right.  I don't believe my FI would feel truly married in God's eyes unless he had the Catholic wedding and I'm starting to see, with my reading and research, that an annulment would help to heal the past also.  Thank you!

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• bibliophile2010 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  The annullment rules apply wherever you get married (cathedral, parish, side chapel, etc.,) because in the eyes of the Church, you are both already married at this point. The stories about being married in the rectory or basement generally come from pre-Vatican II rules about mixed marriages, convalidations, etc.
  
  I would also suggest www.catholicweddinghelp.com The website has lots and lots of useful information and does a good job of answering many questions you might have.
  
  It really is in both your and your fi's best interests to go talk with a parish priest ASAP to discuss options for getting annullments started. It sounds like continuing to practice his faith is very important to your FI and this is only way to do it right by the Church. Good luck and please ask as many questions of us as you have.
  

  

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• Meg1036

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  As others (so knoweledgeably) stated, it is not a problem that you are Baptist, but you will both need annulments.  Another possible/likely problem is that your FI is non-practicing.  Many priests expect that those seeking the Sacrament of Marriage are active in their faith.
  
  So as others said, talk to a priest, and your FI (and you,too if you want to) need to join a parish and start attending church.  Since it seems that your FI values his faith, this would be a good time for him to get back into it.  If the church means enough to him to get married in, it should mean enough to join a parish.
  
  Finally, at least at my church, the dress you picked out would be fine.  But that definitely varies, and you may need a bolero or something over it.
  
  Good luck!
  

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• agapecarrie member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:fea2e804-90b9-4115-a68a-dd7efb382462Post:c2861abc-9f3b-49a8-9630-961f4ce84bd7">Re: Catholic wedding question</a>:
  [QUOTE]Yes, his first marriage was in the Catholic Church.  We are both the victims of cheaters who wanted out of the marriages.  Both of our pervious spouses refused marriage counseling also.  But that's another story all together. I should make it clear that we both take marriage very seriously and both of us feel that we will not be properly married unless it is in a Christian ceremony.  While my FI is not a "practicing" Catholic, because we live together and he doesn't attend church on a regular basis, he still believes in the Catholic Church and everything it stands for.  His daughter, in fact, just celebrated her first communion.  He very much wants a Catholic ceremony.  Now, if we simply get married in a parish, do all of the annulment rules still apply?
  Posted by renjon7798[/QUOTE]
  
  Just to clarify, the church recognizes there are times when a civil divorce might be necessary to protect oneself. But they still consider a marriage sealed, and it cannot be undone by cheating.
  
  So the annulment process would investigate at the time of the wedding what the intentions were, possible impediments, etc.
  
  Also, a civil remarriage without annulments would mean your fi is pulling himself out of communion with the church and would no longer be able to receive the sacraments. That is how serious the church views marriage.

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• renjon7798 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  PP...Your last statement sums up how we both feel about marriage also.  While I might not agree with everything the Catholic Church does, I do 100% believe in their views on marraige and the fact that it is a life long commitment.  Neither of us are entering this marriage lightly and it is something we have both dicussed a great length before we even decided to get married.  We know we are in this till death.  I think that is perhaps I am so on board with doing what we need to do to have this Catholic Ceremony. 
  
  But on a side note...I don't feel that my dress will work in a Catholic ceremony.  Maybe it just my pre-conceived notions of the Church, but I feel that I should be in a more traditional dress.  Thoughts?

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• Meg1036

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  You dress in a church needs to be modest enough to be respectful of the sacrament.  What that means varies.  Some ladies on this board (or their priests) feel that strapless dresses are not appropriate.  Many other ladies on this board have strapless dresses.
  
  Assuming your priest does not have a problem with strapless dresses, I don't see a problem with the dress.  I think you have preconceived notions of what a dress for a church wedding should look like; I have actually seen a dress a lot like yours on a bride in the Catholic church.  That said, if you're not comfortable with wearing that dress in the church, I would look into something else.
  

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• bibliophile2010 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree with Meg, if you are comfortable in your dress, and your priest is comfortable with the dress, it doesn't seem like there would be a problem with it.
  
  That said, I'm one of those girls who is wearing a dress with straps. I simply could not imagine wearing something strapless into church, especially for my wedding, when I never, ever wear strapless anything anywhere.
  
  I would also recommend putting away all your preconceived notions about the Church and going into the annulment/marriage preparation process with fresh eyes and an open heart. I think it will help immensely.
  

  

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• doctabroccoli member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I had a strapless dress for my wedding.  Like PPs said, it is completely parish-dependent.
  
  Good luck with deciding what to do!

  
  Waiting to meet the baby broccoli on 5/5/2013!

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