My WP

christinelyn0131 · August 2010

It's a little early, but I've definately started thinking about it.

FI has it down pat. His brother, and his 2 best friends. It was like so easy for him. He hasn't decided on a best man (his brother seems the norm, but friend 1 has been his friend forever and friend 2 is more reliable)

Anywho. My BMs are the question.

My maid of honor is easy, it's my best friend. She, however, lives in Idaho.

Here's the other 3 "contenders."

1. My cousin. She's married, lives in CA. I was a BM in her wedding, but I'm not sure if she would want to or be able to perform "bm duties." We were close a couple years ago, but now I wish we were closer

2. My roommate. She's like a sister to me, she lives in Wisconsin but goes to school with me in NJ. She's only here from sept-december and then from feb-may. She's also not real good with decisions.

3. My close friend. I know she would be there for me, be honest, be helpful, etc. She lives in town, which would be very convenient. She, however, thinks its Halston or the highway.

What would you do? I'm just looking for opinions lol. Who would you pick to help you and stand up with you? Any advice?

waltzingmatilda13 · August 2010

First of all, no matter what you read any where (including here) there are no BMs "duties" except buying a dress and standing up on your wedding day. No one MUST plan anything, decide anything or help in any way, unless they want to out of the goodness of their heart.

So with that said, you should choose the people who mean the most to you, not the people who you think will help you the most, because that's a sure fire way to resent your WP. (see numerous posts about people wanting to kick BMs out, they are everywhere). Being a BM is supposed to be an honor, not a job, so think about who you'd want to honor by asking them to be a part of one of the most important days of your life.

AND, sides don't have to even. If your FI has 3 people, that doesn't mean you have to have 3 people. You have 4 options listed, they can all be BMs if they are all important to you.

hz80408 · August 2010

I think you just choice who's been meaningful in your life and who you want to continue to support you.

That being said, my sister is my MOH and honestly may be been a mistake...she's not interested in anything WR.

Only one of my BM's lives in a 3hr-radius of us and it's FSIL.

My BMs haven't "done" anything for me, but be there when I need them to listen and I'm quite okay with that!

Edit: I have 5 in my BP and FI has 6 GMs...I don't mind, it's just how it worked out and neither of us was willing to budge our on selection...he felt that he couldn't take anyone out and I didn't want to add someone that I didn't really want just to be equal number

twilight.rose · August 2010

If they are equally important people in your life, why not make them all BMs? Sides don't have to be even.

christinelyn0131 · August 2010

Hannah,

That's what I'm worried about. I don't want to ask someone to be my BM, and then find that they don't like to wear dresses, hate those flowers, etc. and want nothing to do with this wedding but the WP gift!

mkrupar · August 2010

Ditto Waltzing Matilda...Your BMs don't have to do anything but buy the dress and stand up next to you the day of the wedding. If you can trust that they are adult enough to do that, then choose the people you want. All of my BMs live out of state, and we're doing everything by email. If they want to plan a shower or bach-party they can, but they're not "Duties" required by BMs.

Same thing with uneven sides. Don't choose your side based on the number of people your FI has on his. Don't leave anyone out that you really want to stand there with you, and don't just add anyone to make the sides even.

Also, don't pick your cousin based on the fact that you were in her WP. It sounds like you're closer to 2 & 3, so if you only want 3 people, choose them. (As far as 2 being indecisive, tell her what dress to get and when to get it. No decisions necessary).

GL

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