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Guests that don't RSVP

LoveyFNRLoveyFNR member
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So our "deadline" for RSVPing is coming up here in just a couple days. We gave everyone nearly 3 months to get them in and we're still missing about 60-70 answers. We've called a few close friends and family and left a voicemail but not a single one has returned the call with a yes or no. I have to call all of our vendors 2 days after the RSVP date to let them know the exact head count (I know, I should have given myself a few more days of extra time). How should I go about those that never RSVP but end up showing up anyways? Should I order extra food to be safe? I'd hate to order so many servings of extra food just for FH and I to have to find a way to stuff it all in our fridge.

How do you go about those that never RSVP or even return a phone call? I'd be more likely to not include them in the count but I'd be upset if they showed up and we didn't have food to feed them.

Ugh, how hard is it to RSVP....
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Re: Guests that don't RSVP

  • luckyme502luckyme502 member
    1000 Comments
    Call them and ask.  That is what I am planning on doing.
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  • jayjoejayjoe member
    100 Comments
    I called and asked. Then i called one last time and left a message saying that if i did not hear from them by a certain date, then i was marking them as a no. Simple as that. Sorry, but when i have taken the time to put already stamped and addressed rsvp cards in the invite and you cant find the time to put it in a mail box, then i have no patience. Some people just dont get it.
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  • shellydiane820shellydiane820 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker

    I would call after your RSVP date, they might have sent them in the mail.  I got a huge rush of them the day after the RSVP date.

    You also sent them a little early it sounds like, maybe they lost them?

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  • fallbride1109fallbride1109 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    I sent a mass email (only had about 10 or so though) and said if I didn't hear by such and such date, they went down as a no and they would not have a seat at a table. 

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  • FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary
    Don't call until the date, but then call and ask like pp said.  I'm not yet in that situation so I don't know about people who never RSVP even after attempting to contact them.  I would probably do like others did and tell them if you don't hear from them, you're putting them down as a no.
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  • ac_in_dcac_in_dc member
    2500 Comments
    If there's still a month to go before your wedding, I feel like you may be able to negotiate with the vendors to get more time before submitting a final headcount. Can they give you an extra week?
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  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    3 months is a long time to RSVP .  Many times, it's easy to think "I'll take care of it tomorrow" so I have a feeling a lot of guests just forgot about it.  You shouldn't be contacting until after the RSVP date has passed.  You needed to build in a week between the RSVP and the vendor count when you set the RSVP so if you only have 2 days, you'll just have to be on the phone a lot during those 2 days.  nothing wrong with leaving a message that says "If we don't hear from you by 10 pm on XXX date we'll regretably have to put you down for a no as we must give the caterers a head count the following morning."
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  • tracy_ktracy_k member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    Send an email reminder now if you have email addresses, then call them all (divide it up between you and your fiance) and ask once your RSVP date gets here.

    But you will have people who RSVP that they are coming who then will not end up coming, it should balance out the ones who go the other way.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Wait until after the RSVP date passes.  Then start making phone calls.  It's fine to leave a message saying "if we don't hear from you by X, we'll mark you as a no and you won't have a seat."  

    This ship has sailed for you, but hopefully someone else can see why it's a bad idea to send invitations so early.  Leaving them 3 months to RSVP means people forget/lose them.  
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    I suspect that since the invites were sent out so early many just forgot.  Or, it is possible they can't plan their schedules that far in advance and are waiting until the last minute to respond.

    Don't call anyone until after the RSVP date has passed.  The worst that happens is that you spend a lot of time on the phone.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    10000 Comments
    Well, we had a little extra time to work with, so first we sent out emails and phone calls. Then we made a hard deadline (which was last Friday) and said that from that point on, no one could come. it's unreasonable and downright rude of people not to respond, especially after we pushed the deadline back an extra 2 weeks.

    The way I see it, if you can't be bothered to respond, then I don't want you there. As for people showing up unexpectedly, I think all you have to do is keep tabs on the ones who didn't RSVP and make sure they know they can't come. But then, I have no problem being rude.
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  • LoveyFNRLoveyFNR member
    10 Comments
    Yeah I know 3 months was WAY early now. Unfortunately I had taken my mothers pushy advice and sent them out quite early. The unfortunate part of those that haven't RSVPed is that it is my FI's sisters/brothers and their families and some of my closest relatives. You'd think they'd RSVP before anyone if anything.

    Thank you much for the advice. Very helpful :)
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