How Do I Decide Who to Include in my Wedding Party!!!

kfurtad2 · December 2010

I only want 5-6 couples max. But the problem is that there are so many people that are near and close to my heart. There are friends I have known forever and my family... should I go all family or all friends... what to do what to do.. I wanted a mix but if I include some and not others, I dont want anyone to be offended... help.

orangecrush32 · December 2010

Choose the people you couldn't imagine standing up there without. Friends, family, whichever you happen to feel that way about. And remember, your sides don't have to be even so if your FI only wants four guys and you want five girls, it isn't the end of the world.

trix1223 · December 2010

Your wedding is 2.5 years away. Don't pick anyone until after August of 2012. Why? Scroll through these boards and read the countless posts from people who chose WP's too early and now find that relationships have changed, circumstances have changed, plans have changed. They are now looking for ways to kick someone out.

Then just to have my above suggestion verified, take a trip to the Wedding Party board and read more countless posts with the same questions.

Then, after August of 2012, when it finally IS time to choose a WP, stop thinking of numbers. You don't need couples for a WP. You choose the people you want standing next to you, and your FI chooses the people he wants standing next to him.

WPs are NOT about symmetry anymore, thank goodness. They are about those you care most about standing with you.

After August of 2012, you ask yourself this question: I've been in an accident at 2 am in the morning on a coldy, snowy worknight, and I need help. Who do I call? Those who you know for a fact would get out of bed knowing that it's cold, snowing and they have to be at work in 6 hours are a pretty good bet for a WP.

Did I mention to wait until after August, 2012 before even addressing this question again? GL

saisongbird · December 2010

Put down the bridal magazies. Back away from them gently. And listen to Trix. Trix is wise. If you choose now, you WILL REGRET IT. What if you pick someone and that friendship fades? You can't kick her out. I know it's exciting in the beginning, but WAIT!!!! And if people ask you who are in the party, just tell them, "Oh, we're waiting until we're much closer to choose. We're so far away right now that we're just enjoying being engaged!"

Seriously. Wait!

zitiqueen · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_decide-include-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ff8b8257-4a90-4dfc-b3e6-b8e5972c4cebPost:84722816-cfcc-41e3-a6dc-73a0e0ad52f4">How Do I Decide Who to Include in my Wedding Party!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I only want 5-6 couples max. But the problem is that there are so many people that are near and close to my heart. There are friends I have known forever and my family... should I go all family or all friends... what to do what to do.. I wanted a mix but if I include some and not others, I dont want anyone to be offended... help.
Posted by kfurtad2[/QUOTE]

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Ditto trix. Please wait to decide and ask. There is no reason to do it this far out.

lalap69 · December 2010

Your wedding is way too far away to be worrying about this. Don't even think about asking anyone until you're under a year away.

orangecrush32 · December 2010

Oh wow. Your wedding isn't untl 2013. I did not realize that. Don't listen to me. Listen to trix, she is wise.

Also, ditto what Retread said.

Muffin'sMom · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_decide-include-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ff8b8257-4a90-4dfc-b3e6-b8e5972c4cebPost:20f58b65-4c5c-4150-bfe4-563135611776">Re: How Do I Decide Who to Include in my Wedding Party!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Your wedding is 2.5 years away. Don't pick anyone until after August of 2012. Why? Scroll through these boards and read the countless posts from people who chose WP's too early and now find that relationships have changed, circumstances have changed, plans have changed. They are now looking for ways to kick someone out. Then just to have my above suggestion verified, take a trip to the Wedding Party board and read more countless posts with the same questions. Then, after August of 2012, when it finally IS time to choose a WP, stop thinking of numbers. You don't need couples for a WP. You choose the people you want standing next to you, and your FI chooses the people he wants standing next to him. WPs are NOT about symmetry anymore, thank goodness. They are about those you care most about standing with you. After August of 2012, you ask yourself this question: I've been in an accident at 2 am in the morning on a coldy, snowy worknight, and I need help. Who do I call? Those who you know for a fact would get out of bed knowing that it's cold, snowing and they have to be at work in 6 hours are a pretty good bet for a WP. Did I mention to wait until after August, 2012 before even addressing this question again? GL
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

THIS!!!!!! Trix is wise. You should listen.

artbyallie · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_decide-include-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ff8b8257-4a90-4dfc-b3e6-b8e5972c4cebPost:21c9f1af-98e2-4dff-a91c-0b8451b1e357">Re: How Do I Decide Who to Include in my Wedding Party!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]The only people who are at a wedding to be coupled are the bride and groom.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Very good point. (Married couples in our wedding party notwithstanding... we happen to be good friends with both halves of the couple in those cases).</div><div>
</div><div>But, as others have said, you should absolutely not choose your wedding party until you're less than a year out from the wedding. Closer to 6-9 months may be preferable, particularly if you're at a point where your lives may be changing rapidly (be that finishing school, moving, etc.)</div>

aerinpegadrak · December 2010

Once you're within a year of your date, ask yourself who would be the people you'd call at 3am if you needed to bury a body. That's your WP.

bablingbrooke · December 2010

Wait until at least 2012 to even think about this. You shouldn't ask anyone until you're at a year or less from the wedding.

marinabreeze · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_decide-include-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ff8b8257-4a90-4dfc-b3e6-b8e5972c4cebPost:84722816-cfcc-41e3-a6dc-73a0e0ad52f4">How Do I Decide Who to Include in my Wedding Party!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I only want 5-6 couples max.</strong> But the problem is that there are so many people that are near and close to my heart. There are friends I have known forever and my family... <strong>should I go all family or all friends</strong>... what to do what to do.. I wanted a mix but if I include some and not others, I dont want anyone to be offended... help.
Posted by kfurtad2[/QUOTE]

It's way too soon to even think about choosing a WP right now. Enjoy being engaged, and come back to this when you're less than a year out. Relationships do change over time, even if you think they won't, and you don't want to regret your choices (after all, once you ask them, there are no backsies!).

When it is time to choose...it's you and your FI that choose the WP based on family and/or friends you and he are close to. It can be a mix, or one or the other. These are choices that you and your FI make together, or alternately, you choose your side and he chooses his (I recommend the latter). It's fine to not necessarily want a huge WP, but make sure you remember that ultimately, the people are important, not the numbers. And remember that it doesn't have to be couples...uneven WPs are just fine.

tlbattaglia · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_decide-include-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ff8b8257-4a90-4dfc-b3e6-b8e5972c4cebPost:d8a3bfc5-a8f3-459e-bf41-bfd29de43caa">Re: How Do I Decide Who to Include in my Wedding Party!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Choose the people you couldn't imagine standing up there without. Friends, family, whichever you happen to feel that way about. And remember, your sides don't have to be even so if your FI only wants four guys and you want five girls, it isn't the end of the world.
Posted by orangecrush32[/QUOTE]

This.

lilcassers · December 2010

Okay here is a game...

QUICK! Think in 5 seconds who are your most important girls? If someone is easily forgotten, they should not stand up. Those closest to you should have automatically popped in your head.

I would not worry about numbers. I wanted my 6 girls only because I did not want a huge WP and then my fiance asked if I would have his 3 sisters also stand up. I am glad I made the decision because they are wonderful ladies who are always there for us.

Also, girls are catty and things change whether you believe this statement or not. Don't ask your bridal party to stand up until about 7-8 months before the wedding.

How Do I Decide Who to Include in my Wedding Party!!!

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