Catholic Weddings

Catholic Wedding Questions

I've never posted on this board before but I have some questions and after some lurking I think you all can help me.  You seem very knowledgeable regarding Catholic weddings and I am well...not.

BF and I are not engaged but we will be soon.  We were talking about things we would want for our wedding and he said getting married in the Catholic Church was important to him.  He was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school and he is still faithful but not practicing. 

I was baptized Catholic and brought up attending church and bible studies until I was ten.  Now, I struggle with faith.  I don't think I would be willing to convert without some serious discussion and reflection so I'm looking at this as something like an interfaith marriage.  BF and I are going to speak more about a catholic wedding this weekend but I have some questions before we do.

A. In normal parishes would we have to become members to be married in their church?  I've read on this board that some people don't attend regularly and they were still able to be married in the church.   

B. Am I correct in understanding that every couple who wishes to get married in the CC has to go through pre-cana, even if one person does not consider themselves to be Catholic?

C. If we do get married in a CC how long is just the ceremony?  I've been to a full mass before but not just a ceremony, how are the two different? 

D. Since I have been baptized would we need to obtain a dispensation (I think that's the right word I can't remember)?

Any and all help you could provide would be greatly appreciated.  I know this is important to him so I would like as much information as I can get. 

Re: Catholic Wedding Questions

  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    First off, its refreshing to see a couple thinking about this issue BEFORE they get married.  If more did, i think they'd have a much easier time deciding whether htey are compatible as a couple.

    A. In normal parishes would we have to become members to be married in their church?  I've read on this board that some people don't attend regularly and they were still able to be married in the church.   This depends upon the parish.  Some want you to be a member, some are ok wtih your family members (i.e. parents) being members, and some are indifferent.

    B. Am I correct in understanding that every couple who wishes to get married in the CC has to go through pre-cana, even if one person does not consider themselves to be Catholic?  Most do require some type of pre-cana. 

    C. If we do get married in a CC how long is just the ceremony?  I've been to a full mass before but not just a ceremony, how are the two different?  Its about the same length (an hour) with or without Mass.  Basically, the only difference is one has communion and one doesnt.

    D. Since I have been baptized would we need to obtain a dispensation (I think that's the right word I can't remember)?  You are baptized Catholic, so they would view your marriage as two Catholics getting married.
     
  • edited December 2011
    Calypso said it all. Whether or not you consider yourself religious, you are Catholic. By being baptized into the faith, you have become Catholic and will be Catholic unless you convert.
  • mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    A. In normal parishes would we have to become members to be married in their church?  I've read on this board that some people don't attend regularly and they were still able to be married in the church.   
    It depends on the parish.  Some parishes will allow outside couples to marry there but will charge a higher fee.

    B. Am I correct in understanding that every couple who wishes to get married in the CC has to go through pre-cana, even if one person does not consider themselves to be Catholic?
    Yes.  Even if you aren't both Catholic, you are both getting married in the church!  They want to make you as prepared as possible for marriage.

    C. If we do get married in a CC how long is just the ceremony?  I've been to a full mass before but not just a ceremony, how are the two different? 
    It all depends.  I think I read somewhere that the marriage ceremony alone can range from 30-60 minutes, depending on reading choices, music choices, how long your priest takes for the homily.

    D. Since I have been baptized would we need to obtain a dispensation (I think that's the right word I can't remember)?
    If you are both baptized and neither has been excommunicated then you shouldn't need a dispensation.

    Good luck to both of you!  As Calypso said, it's great that you're preparing now rather than later.  And I'm happy that you are both open to getting married in the church, even if you aren't necessarily practicing (yet?).
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you all for your answers!  I appreciate it.  I've read in my research that some parishes would require RICA for me since I have never been confirmed nor have I ever taken communion so I knew that while I was baptized I was considered Catholic but I was unsure as to whether the confirmation and communion played a role.

    First off, its refreshing to see a couple thinking about this issue BEFORE they get married.  If more did, i think they'd have a much easier time deciding whether they are compatible as a couple.

    Thank you!  I'm of the opinion that if this is a hugely important issue as religion will not only affect one day of our lives but every day and will impact how we raise our children.  

     And I'm happy that you are both open to getting married in the church, even if you aren't necessarily practicing (yet?).

    I've asked BF why he doesn't practice currently and he said it's something he feels people do with family.  When he went away to school he stopped and just hasn't started back up again.  I've also told him that I would be more than willing to go with him to support him in his faith even though I don't consider myself faithful. 

    I think if he wants to get married in the Catholic church I wouldn't feel right if we didn't start attending masses, maybe that's the old Catholic me kicking in.  I feel like if you want to be married in a house of worship, you should actually worship there.
  • edited December 2011

    Ditto Calypso on it being refreshing to see people talk about this stuff before they get engaged. I just wanted to add a few thoughts on her answers.

    A. In normal parishes would we have to become members to be married in their church?  I've read on this board that some people don't attend regularly and they were still able to be married in the church.   This is totally a parish-by-parish situation. Some require membership and envelope contributions (sometimes to prove tithing, sometimes just to prove attendance). Some require membership. Some require family membership. Some have no membership requirements at all. You will find that many churches charge a higher usage fee for non-members, if they do marry non-members.

    B. Am I correct in understanding that every couple who wishes to get married in the CC has to go through pre-cana, even if one person does not consider themselves to be Catholic? Yes, most require some kind of Marriage Preparation. Again, the requirements for this will be determined by your diocese and your parish.

    C. If we do get married in a CC how long is just the ceremony?  I've been to a full mass before but not just a ceremony, how are the two different? The ceremony is about 40 minutes, according to what I have heard here. It is the Liturgy of the Word (the first part of mass with the readings and the homily) with the wedding vows and some prayers at the end.

    D. Since I have been baptized would we need to obtain a dispensation (I think that's the right word I can't remember)? Since you are baptized Catholic, it will be seen as a marriage between two Catholics, so no dispensations will be needed (regardless of how you feel about religion and the Catholic church now).  You may run into problems with some priests who want to see all Catholic parties confirmed before marriage, but this is not technically required.

    I would also like to add that, if you and your BF agree that getting married in the Church is something you are interested in pursuing, you should start seeking out churches before you are engaged. Try going to Sunday masses at some parishes to see if they fit. Find out what their marriage requirements are (they are usually readily available in the bulletin or on the website), so that if you do have membership requirements and the like, you can start figuring those things out now, instead of getting frustrated when you are engaged.

    If you have more questions, we are happy to help! Good luck and God Bless.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    A. In normal parishes would we have to become members to be married in their church?  I've read on this board that some people don't attend regularly and they were still able to be married in the church.  

    It depends on the priest. For us, H was a member at the church in which we were married, however, had moved out of state for his job. As a result we paid "non-parishoner" fees. But I have heard of some churches requiring you to be a member and some of them even may specify a certain time period.

    B. Am I correct in understanding that every couple who wishes to get married in the CC has to go through pre-cana, even if one person does not consider themselves to be Catholic?

    There will be some sort of marriage prep involved. For us, we were required to meet with the priest several times (some was just paperwork) and then we also had to attend an Engaged Encounter weekend.

    C. If we do get married in a CC how long is just the ceremony?  I've been to a full mass before but not just a ceremony, how are the two different?

    Our full mass was 1 hour and 5 minutes almost exactly. I believe if you don't have full mass, you can count on about 30-40 minutes depending on the homily, readings, etc.

    D. Since I have been baptized would we need to obtain a dispensation (I think that's the right word I can't remember)?

    I don't believe so bc you are considered Catholic though you have not received the rest of the sacraments.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-wedding-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:97c1978a-c118-4e06-9cc2-307b6898fc89Post:ab05099a-d87a-4cd3-873a-df238892585d">Re: Catholic Wedding Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would also like to add that, if you and your BF agree that getting married in the Church is something you are interested in pursuing, you should start seeking out churches before you are engaged. Try going to Sunday masses at some parishes to see if they fit. Find out what their marriage requirements are (they are usually readily available in the bulletin or on the website), so that if you do have membership requirements and the like, you can start figuring those things out now, instead of getting frustrated when you are engaged. If you have more questions, we are happy to help! Good luck and God Bless.
    Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]

    I totally agree.  I've actually researched and written down the names of some churches that would be within reasonable distance for us to get to, he from his house and me from mine.  I have a feeling he will want to use the church that he was raised in and the one his parents attend but I'm not sure so I have the list just in case.

    I'm with you on figuring this out before we get engaged.  It's incredibly important but will be one less thing to deal with when the time comes.  As well as the fact that if we do get married in a Catholic church I think it important to actually attend the church.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with all PP's, but the one thing I would like to tell you is that ALL Catholic parishes will require you guys to do pre-cana and marriage preperation classes, regardless if you consider yourself Catholic or not.

    Otherwise, props to you guys on discussing things like this BEFORE there is an engagement- sometimes this stuff can make or break a relationship. Good luck!
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
     A. In normal parishes would we have to become members to be married in their church?  I've read on this board that some people don't attend regularly and they were still able to be married in the church.  ---Fi and I are both Catholic but are currently NOT active members in a parish. We are getting married in a parish that neither of us have ever attended. All we had to do was sit with the priest of that parish to establish freedom to marry... he reccommended that we become members, but it is NOT required. 
    B. Am I correct in understanding that every couple who wishes to get married in the CC has to go through pre-cana, even if one person does not consider themselves to be Catholic? --
    You are 100% correct. We just finished our Pre Cana and it should be for ALL couples not just Catholic couples. You don't have to agree with everything but it is MANDATORY in EVERY Catholic Church.
    C. If we do get married in a CC how long is just the ceremony?  I've been to a full mass before but not just a ceremony, how are the two different?  We're doing just the ceremony, which usually lasts about 20-25 minutes... a full mass has procession of gifts, communion... which makes it longer. The two don't differ in how "married" you are, it's all in personal choice. WE're choosing to do just the ceremony to accommodate our guests :)
    D. Since I have been baptized would we need to obtain a dispensation (I think that's the right word I can't remember)? Any and all help you could provide would be greatly appreciated.  I know this is important to him so I would like as much information as I can get. My FI was baptized and NOT confirmed which is FINE. You can get married in a Catholic Church without being confirmed, it's reccommended though.
    Posted by purplepeopleeater11[/QUOTE]

    HTH!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • jenmitensjenmitens member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I am Catholic, my husband is in your position, baptized but not practicing.  We went to our Engaged Encounter.  It was a long weekend.  And it was a little hard.  But it was so worth it.  He even thought so.  At our weekend, they talked about EVERYTHING, not just the Catholic faith.  While we had already talked about 98% of the things they went over, it gave us the chance to talk openly with each other about everything again.  We had to write a prayer together, which my husband got framed as a wedding present.  We had to write love letters to each other, and my husband is not very romantic, so it was wonderful to hear.  I agree with PP, it should be mandatory for all people who are getting married, not just those in the Catholic Church.

  • ashleighc83ashleighc83 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm getting married at St. Anna's at the Vatican and they gave us the option of a full mass (about an hour) and without the mass it's only 20 mins...and that's at the Vatican!
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