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Retro and Vintage Weddings
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kicking' and freaking SCREAMING!

tattooed**true*romance**tattooed**true*romance**
10 Comments
in Retro and Vintage Weddings
although my FI is the one who wants the wedding, (i want to elope) most of the wedding planning (by most, i mean all) seems to fall on me. i feel like i'm just dragging him along.

i'm not complaining... well i am, haha. but because we're having vingage aspects to the wedding i guess i'm just kind of apprehensive of making the decisions on my own???  is it too over the top? too subtle? i don't want my wedding to be a costume party joke or a yawn fest....

i usually get a noncommital "mmm" when i try to run any of the plans past him, and it's driving me BANANAS! he's "not good at this kind of stuff" ARRRG! I think we're both kind of lost in wedding land...... he once asked me if he should get the tattoos on his hands covered up that day in case i want some of those hands together wedding ring kind of picutes.... lol the fact that i don't know how effective even industrial strength movie make up is on knuckle tattoos aside (?!@#??!?), it did make me laugh... he's really trying, but i mean who's hands does he think i want in our wedding photos? lol. our families both say do whatever makes "us" happy, but i think we're both just struggling to figure out what "our wedding" should be. it's overwhelming.

i know it's kind of cliche that girls end up taking on most of the wedding planning and here i am, but uh could someone come over and give me a hug or do this for me? wedding planners were invented for probably just this reason... it's not in the budget.... and if we don't even know what we want?!? dear lord poor planner.

ok if nothing else writing that gave me a bit of a laugh at myself.....

anyways i'm really grateful for all the cool suggestions on here... thanks ladies!

So happy planning girls... hope that if you're as stressed out as I am you can at least take some time to relax, (in my case that usually means writing) and laugh.


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Re: kicking' and freaking SCREAMING!

  • llamallamaduckllamallamaduck
    10 Comments
    Oh my, I read your post and wondered if it was something I'd written myself but forgotten about it. I want to just run off and have a JoP wedding (and maybe a renewal/exchange of rings along with a reception at a later date when we can afford it) because I'm British and currently in the US working on a summer camp on a 4 month J1 visa. FI wants a full on wedding (and doesn't seem to comprehend that I am under no circumstances going to overstay my visa before we're married, I do not want to F-up applying for permanent legal residency). BUT I am the one who is having to come up with all the ideas for a wedding my heart isn't in. I adore my FI and would do anything to make him happy, but I've never wanted to get married because I've never wanted a wedding. Being the centre of attention is my idea of a living hell, he knows this and his feelings are the same, but he's convinced we need to have a proper wedding for our families (mine probably won't even come over from the UK, and my dad will definately get his stupid ass arrested for saying something inappropriate to security at the airport ). I'm so frustrated! My heart and soul are 100% in this marriage, but the road to get to that point is going to be long and arduous... It is kind of nice to know that I'm not the only person feeling this way, because I have been wondering if I'm being a total bitch for wanting to run away and keep our wedding just for ourselves.
    Married! "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
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  • vintagefixvintagefix
    500 Comments
    Take a deep breath & ****exhaaaale**** You both are going to make it through this alive! Promise ;-)

    I think it's sweet that he wants a wedding vs not caring at all. It just sounds like he's not that great with the details and doesn't get the "big picture" (you know, the fact that the wedding will only happen if each & every decision is addressed and that many of them are time sensitive). A lot of people, men and women, don't realize that when they walk into a ceremony or reception that someone hand picked and sometimes even hand made almost every item in the room!

    I think that the brunt of all the work naturally always falls more on one person's shoulders than the other's. My FI actually tries to help but I still get stuck making all the final decisions. Your post makes me think of my most hated wedding quote that I get from everyone "Don't worry. It will all come together. You'll see." AHHHHHHHHHHH! Haha! I always want to lash back and say "Yeah, it will all come together because I HAVE TO MAKE IT ALL COME TOGETHER".

    I think you should just be honest and explain that it's too much for one person to handle. Give him a simple list of say 3 things to do for you and give him a time line to do it in. It's less overwhelming if you can narrow it down for whoever is helping. You could ask him just to start making contacts for vendors for you, or go pick something up from a certain store. If he feels like he is actually helping he might be more inclined to help more.  Now is the time to nip it in the bud. Marriage is not a one way street and neither is the planning of a wedding.

    Good luck girlie!!!
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