Question for Married Knotties: Advice on the 'big day'

Mademoiselle D · July 2012

For those ladies who are married or recently married, what is the best advice you can offer us soon to-be brides for our 'big day"?

Also, if you could go back to your wedding planning....is there anything you wish you could have done differently?

I'm sure you all can give us great feedback

Krysta6 · July 2012

I would just suggest that you take a couple of moments to just breathe and soak in the whole day. I did that a lot with my FI. I just soaked in what all my hard work did and how amazingly beautiful it was.

I would have done less food for dinner. I personally prefer just appetizer or cocktail foods so I probably would have skipped the huge sit down dinner and just done cocktail hour food and saved a whole lot of $$.

poultryprincess · July 2012

Cut the guest list. We had at least 20 couples at our wedding that neither the groom or myself really knew - friends of our parents, friends of our grandparents, people we work with. We could have saved thousands of dollars by not inviting them. We didn't have the backbone to simply say 'no'.

I would have also tipped out vendors, I didnt realize that I was supposed to do it, and they all really went above and beyond. I have since sent them a little something, but I feel badly that I didnt do it right then and there.

I also would have served less alcohol. Too many people got stupid drunk and it made the second half of the night sort of gross.

Last but not least, I would have spent less on my wedding dress. I bought a $3000 beautiful pink and white gown that I was in love with, and though I still love the style I could have gotten a very similar look for about $300. Now Im trying to figure out how to deal with my old car that needs to be replaced, and the money I wasted on my dress, booze and guests I barely knew I could be rolling in a new car with very low payments. Uggh.

klwaldorf · July 2012

I agree with pp. Take a few moments to just look around and soak it all up. Look around at everything while you can and see all the hard work you did. I also agree when it comes to food. While my dinner was okay, its very true what they say...you dont eat that much. I would have also gone with just appitizer type foods all night instead of a full dinner.

Also make sure both of you have completely discuss all the small things that will be going on. You dont want to have your mind set on one thing and the other not know you want to do it. I was in a wedding before my own and the bride wrote a note to the groom and had me bring it over. She became upset that he didnt have one for her. She tought it was expected and they never discussed it. So learning from that my husband and I decided that we both would write something short and sweet to eat other instead of getting gifts.

Even if he doesnt want to be involved in the planning process, mine wasnt, still make him very aware of what the plan is so he is not suprised.

mrsj9 · July 2012

i have a list that i have recently typed up for my engaged friends....

- dont let anything ruin your day. something WILL go wrong, no matter how much you thought you perfected it and specified every detail to planner and vendors. something will be different than you expected,,,, just go with it. no one will notice except you!!

- have a list of must take photos (not just the after cemrony family portraits) i mean specifics that you have seen on photogs blogs that you love - father seeing daughter for first time, bm's holding up veil while bride walks thru hotel, mom putting on brides earrings, details of bouquets, groom and bride not paying attention and in their own world at reception, etcetcetc...
-if you miss a great moment, just re-create it. you can easily stage most moments to capture the perfect picture.

- be careful using friends as vendors or cashing in favors. there is a saying in spanish - lo barato sale caro (what is cheap ends up being expensive)

- all the vendors care about you a lot during the initial meetings and contract phase. but basically you are just that saturday nights wedding. the week before they are consumed with that weekends wedding. and the week after you are old news as the prep for that upcoming weekend bride.

- i highly recommend doing an "after shoot". i just did mine this past monday and we had a BLAST!!!! it was so laid back and fun. no nerves or stress or tight timelines like wedding day. we have seen a few teasers and are loving the pics way more than our wedding day pics!!

KatieBee23 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-south-florida_question-for-married-knotties-advice-on-the-big-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:67Discussion:26445228-6dba-4cff-9b00-6bca4b76813bPost:942246e7-d18f-4102-97bf-cee413797844">Re: Question for Married Knotties: Advice on the 'big day'</a>:
[QUOTE]i have a list that i have recently typed up for my engaged friends.... - dont let anything ruin your day. something WILL go wrong, no matter how much you thought you perfected it and specified every detail to planner and vendors. something will be different than you expected,,,, just go with it. no one will notice except you!! - have a list of must take photos (not just the after cemrony family portraits) i mean specifics that you have seen on photogs blogs that you love - father seeing daughter for first time, bm's holding up veil while bride walks thru hotel, mom putting on brides earrings, details of bouquets, groom and bride not paying attention and in their own world at reception, etcetcetc... -if you miss a great moment, just re-create it. you can easily stage most moments to capture the perfect picture. - be careful using friends as vendors or cashing in favors. there is a saying in spanish - lo barato sale caro (what is cheap ends up being expensive) - all the vendors care about you a lot during the initial meetings and contract phase. but basically you are just that saturday nights wedding. the week before they are consumed with that weekends wedding. and the week after you are old news as the prep for that upcoming weekend bride. - i highly recommend doing an "after shoot". i just did mine this past monday and we had a BLAST!!!! it was so laid back and fun. no nerves or stress or tight timelines like wedding day. we have seen a few teasers and are loving the pics way more than our wedding day pics!!
Posted by mrsj9[/QUOTE]<div>Excellent advice!! What is an "after shoot"a nd what did you do? did you wear your dress again? do you have a link so we can see the pics? TIA!!

</div>

Mademoiselle D · July 2012

Ladies, this has been awesome advice...thanks a million! Keep em' coming!

PhiSigFly · July 2012

I agree with what everyone else said, and I also want to add one thing. I don't know if this will help anyone, but it would have helped me, lol.

We hear so much about Bridezillas and, for ME, I really DID NOT want to be one. For some reason, I was so concerned about looking rude to my vendors, that I really didn't voice my opinion on things. For example, while we were in the bridal suite getting ready, I remember thinking that it would be nice to get a picture of me with all of the bridesmaids in our bride/bridesmaids tanks, BUT I felt bad asking the photographer to stop what they were doing to take a specific picture, and felt bad interupting the hair and make up people, so we could all be in the picture. Since I didn't want to bother anyone, I didn't say anything, and regret not having that photo done.

Another example, when we arrived at the venue, my escort card table wasn't set up as I wanted it to be, but rather than telling anyone and making the person who did it wrong in the first place re-do it, I just took about 30/45 minutes to re-alphabetize and set it up as I had asked it to be. That wasn't a big deal, but it's definitely not something I needed to be doing the morning of my wedding, and I'm SURE the venue would have had no problem doing it, had I told them.

I don't know if I'm weird for feeling this way, but looking back, I really don't know why I was so concerned about looking like a "bridezilla" or why I thought the handful of instances would have made me one.

hose85 · July 2012

I agree with PP about taking it all in with a couple of things to add:

After you are all dressed and made up and ready to go, take about 2 minutes and look at yourself in the mirror, you worked so hard to pick that dress, that hair style, that make up look, and so forth you want to take it all in. Also I used this time to think about my FI and how excited he was going to be to see me and it really calmed my nerves.

Agree with what others said about things going wrong, I made the choice to have a very small child as a flower girl, she is the daughter of a good friend of mine who was a bridesmaid as well. The mistake was not thinking through that it would be nap time during the wedding, they live in Japan so the husband couldn't come so my friend was all alone in dealing with her being tired and cranky and not wanting to leave her mom's side. She was screaming during the ceremony, it was funny because one half of my brain was like, holy cow crying baby, and the other half tuned it out so much. Point is, things are going to happen beyond your control. Just stay calm...

Everyone was a little worried about me the whole day because I was so calm, but I had to put myself there. I knew that freaking out over something wasn't going to get me anywhere so I choose (I don't know how) to focus mentally and know that all that mattered is that my FI was standing at the end of the aisle for me to walk towards, and now we are married!

HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!! You worked so hard to put it all together, sit back and enjoy it!

mrsj9 · July 2012

@katie - its just a shoot you do after your wedding. we dressed up in wedding dress and tux and did some fancy formal portraits and then we got a little 'crazy' (i wasnt planning to "trash" my dress at all, but everyone convivnced me and i went with it).
i cant wait to see pics, i will share once i have the links.

@phisig - i couldnt agree more. my mom seems to think i had bridezilla tendencies (i call it being anal and organized) although every vendor told her i was so sweet and easy going and far from a bridezilla.
anyways i didnt speak up on my wedding day either. there were several moments i wanted to get a picture and i dont know why i didnt stop the moment and say i wanted a picture. (thats why i said to have a check list of must take photos!!!) SPEAK UP ladies, you dont want to regret missing moments after....

mrsj9 · July 2012

oh yeah one more thing:

when interviewing photographers ask them to see an online gallery or two from previous brides that have similar weddings to yours (catholic church ceremony, jewish ceremony, outdoor beach wedding, etc.)
everyone posts their best work on website and blogs and shows you their best coffee table albums. to get a real idea of what your final product will look like, ask to see someone elses full gallery.

orianita3 · July 2012

Hello all,

So here are the three most important tips I have for the day off:

- Breathe. I mean this. Take time to look at yourself, at your husband-to-be, your family and friends, the awesome dress you bought, the venue and the flowers, just take it all in but be present. I reminded myself to do this as I knew this day was going to go fast and that I didn't want it to be a blurr, so I relaxed and enjoyed the fruits of our labor.

- Make sure to talk to your photog (and videographer if you have one). My hubby and I booked the Addison because we fell in love with the trees in the courtyard. How many pics do we have by the trees? ZERO. I forgot to mention this to my photog, thought it would be obvious and we missed it. Make sure you have him/her understand which pics are a MUST no matter what, and if possible, walk through your venue beforehand and let the photographer know where you'd like pics.

- BEST ADVICE we got from our site coordinator: "Take 15min. of the cocktail hour to just relax and eat something alone". If you're having a cocktail hour, by the time it rolls around, trust me, you'll be starving, but dinner is a long time away. So, right after the ceremony, the hubby and I took a few pics (we did a first look which I totally recommend) and after the pics, we hid in the getting ready room and we had some appetizers. Afterwards, we joined our guests for the cocktail hour and said hello to everyone. I was glad we did this because I was starving but there was no way I was going to be able to eat while mingling. People will want to hug you, spin you around, congratulate you and take LOTS of pics with you. I'm sure that having a piece of spinach in my teeth would have been something I would have regreted, LOL.

Krysta6 · July 2012

One more thing!

One of the best decisions I made was picking two vendors, my hair/makeup person and my wedding planner. I tend to panic easily and get overwhelmed and these two women were very very very calming and motherly (my mom is not mothering) so when I started to get really anxious right before going to put on my dress I started to feel like the room with all the people was too much and they could see it on my face. So they moved me to a bathroom so we could have some quiet time. These two women were amazing so pick vendors that will be calming on the wedding day because for me all the movement and people got to be too much to handle.

Question for Married Knotties: Advice on the 'big day'

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