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FSIL

sep72fendrsep72fendr member
500 Comments
in Ohio-Columbus
Okie dokie.
I've been struggling with something for a bit. Fi's sister has been going through recovery and stuff after dealing with some difficult personal and drug issues. She has been clean for a bit now, and we are starting to really form a good connection.

I asked Fi a while back about her being a bridesmaid, but that was when she was going through a rougher time. He said bad idea because she wouldn't be reliable, so I didn't push the issue. Now that she is home and back to a semi-normal state, I would love to have her be involved and stand up with me, but at the same time I still don't know if that's a good idea. My girls' dresses have been ordered and programs and stuff are in the works. Any words of advice? Good idea? Bad idea? Suggestions for her being involved/recognized? Do I make her an honorary bridesmaid? Does that even mean anything?

GAH!! I need some input.
I iz not Bridezilla.imageI iz Veloceraptor!

FOR SALE!!.

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Re: FSIL

  • phunkydreamerphunkydreamer
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Could you ask her to do a reading, or is it too late with the programs?
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't ask her to be BM just b/c she is going to feel like a third wheel. If you didn't ask her intially, don't ask her now. I agree with pp about possibly being a reader or a cantor (if she can sing that is).

    I would definitely invite her to any showers you have though unless you have already had them. And I am not sure about the bach party if she is a recovering alcoholic. That might be a bad combo, but it just depends.
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  • TerraandSteveTerraandSteve
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That is super sweet of you to be so supportive.  Sounds like you FI and his family are getting a good gal when he marries you :-) But I wouldn't ask her to be a bridesmaid though.  I volunteer at a recovery center and one of my ex's struggled with alcoholism so from first hand experience I know that addicts don't deal with stress well.  Being a BM and up close to the frantic wedding activities is stressful for everyone involved.  I like the idea of having her do a reading of some sort.  Even if the programs are already done you could have her speak at the reception.  Plus that way it would be more personalized.
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  • kiyamurphkiyamurph
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp.  That's so great that you want to support her, but her being a BM isn't a good idea, especially since she would basically be an add on.  I agree that if she does anything she could maybe do a reading.  Let us know what you decide!
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  • sep72fendrsep72fendr member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The thing is, that we aren't even having any readings! It's just going to be our officiant talking and doing the ceremony. I don't want her to be an "add on", but I thought maybe doing a different style of corsage would be nice (like a wrist versus a pin on), or even a small nose gay or something?
    I iz not Bridezilla.imageI iz Veloceraptor!

    FOR SALE!!.

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  • green795green795
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You mentioned above that programs are "in the works"? If they haven't been printed yet, I would add her name (along with names of other siblings if applicable) where you list family members. You could also perhaps have the siblings escorted/processed in like parents and grandparents (likely procession would follow as siblings, grandparents, parents, bridal party, etc.) That might be another way to acknowledge her. I like the idea of a different corsage. His sister could have also have a pin-on, but have maybe have different flowers than your moms. We did that to distinguish the difference between my mom and stepmom, and my mom wanted a wrist corsage and my stepmom wanted a pin-on. The flower change is subtle but a good way to acknowledge her, and it could also get her involved because you could give her choices that coordinate with the other corsage flowers and she can pick which one she wants to wear for the day. Kudos to you for being supportive!
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  • SummerTwentyElevenSummerTwentyEleven member
    10 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    A friend of mine started off just doing family in her wedding, then added on myself and a few other friends later on.  It was a bit odd, but honestly none of us cared and ended up having just as much fun as if she had asked us in the 1st place.  If you think your FSIL is in a better place, I say ask her.  She has the option to say no if it might be too much, and even if she does say no she may be glad you thought of her.  You know her though, so ultimately up to you as far as what you think she can handle.  You also could consider adding a reader, even though I know that would be changing up what you originally wanted.

    On a dif note, I think the corsage idea is sweet if you don't end up asking her.  I saw in another post that a girl did these for her BMs instead of bouquets.  Cool idea, and at about $50, pricier than your typical corsage but less than / same as a bouquet if you were thinking of getting one for her anyway.  Not sure if it fits into your theme, just throwin it out there. :)


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