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March 2012 Weddings

So bummed...(sorry if long)

One of my bridesmaids emailed me last night to tell me that she won't be able to wedding (*tear).  She's one of my closest friends, we've known each other since we were 7 years old, we were college roommates all 4 years of college, and I was a BM in her wedding, so I'm really bummed that she won't be able to make it. :( She had a baby prematurely back in November and since then, things have been really stressful for her and her husband.  They had to pay a bunch of extra hospital bills since the baby had to stay there for 6 weeks.  She had to take extra days off from work, when she didn't get approved for short term disability.  She lives in DC and our wedding is in FL so she doesn't feel comfortable leaving the baby with her parents for the weekend.  And she also thought about flying her parents down to help her watch the baby in FL (they have a bunch of frequent flyer miles) but that wasn't working out either. I know she feels really bad about the situation and I told her to not worry about it.  I know she would have been there if she could have made things work.  And I know how difficult it has been for them the past few months.  So I totally understand her situation and am SO not mad, just so sad that she won't be there. On top of that, a while back, one of my MOHs (I had 2) had to drop out of the wedding too.  She got pregnant and her due date is 2 weeks before our wedding.  And of course I was and am SO happy and excited for her and her husband.  But it also made me sad that she wouldn't be able to make it to our wedding because she's one of my bestest friends.  We've known each other since we were 10, were close all throughout grade school, went to college together, I was a BM in her wedding.  So its such a bummer that she won't be at our wedding either. So out of my 5 bridesmaids, 2 had to drop out, and now I'm down to 3.  I feel really bad about feeling so sad about these two not being there.  They don't know how sad I am about it because I don't want them to feel bad at all.  And I know its not their fault, it is what it is, but I just can't help feeling so sad about this.  I guess its because I'm not going to have a lot of family there at my wedding (they all live in India and its too much for them to travel to the U.S.).  I'm going to have a bunch of friends there, but about 75% of the guests are from my FI's side (he has a lot of family that lives in the U.S.).  So its just a huge bummer because aside from my family, I would have really loved for my bestest friends to be there with me. Is anyone else going through something like this?  I really need to snap out of this because I don't want to be sad about this with 38 days left until the wedding!

Re: So bummed...(sorry if long)

  • That is sad- I'm so sorry you are going through that. :( I'm not going through anything like that. One of my best friends/BMs dropped out, but I really do think it is just because our friendship is fading. I've caught her lying to me so I wasn't too surprised, and a little relieved when she told me she'd rather not be a BM. :/

  • I'm so sorry to hear about your BMs dropping out... I can totally understand why you'd be sad about that... it's supposed to be the happiest day of your life but it will be hard to not share it with those really close friends and family members that can't make it from India... Especially because you were there for those two BM's weddings!  

    I get that both have babies they need to take care of but are either instances AT ALL a financial issue?  If so, I would totally offer to help so they know that shouldn't be the reason for not being there. 

    Also, do both BMs know about the other dropping out?  If I knew that I was one of 2 BMs dropping out, I would absolutely make a bigger effort to be there.  Even if it's just for THAT day (miss the RD, etc.)... they should definitely know how much it would mean to you.  Obviously you don't want to give them a guilt trip but I do think it's important they are aware of the impact those decisions are having on you.

    Regardless you are going to have a beautiful wedding and I hope you enjoy it all with those that will be there for you and your FI!!
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  • I understand a bit. Alot of my family are not coming since it's in New Orleans and most of us live in Texas. My favorite uncle had bypass surgery in November so they used alot of money on expenses and he can't be in the car that long. Plus all of his kids live in different states and aren't coming due to money or childcare issues. Also we found out last night that FI's dad and stepmom (whom I LOVE so much) can't make it because FFIL had a quintuple bypass about 2 weeks ago and can't be cleared for the trip. Makes me really sad. We are going to try and skype the ceremony instead I think.
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  • I am so sorry you will be missing 2 very important friends on your wedding day. You should not feel guilty for feeling down about this -- like others have said, this is the happiest day of your life, and it's only natural that you'd want your closest friends to share it with you. I have a similar situation. When I got engaged, I asked my SIL and my sister to be my matrons of honor together. My sister is in Guam and we were planning from afar, and in the last couple of months, we found out that she just can't come to the wedding. I still have my SIL but am terribly sad about my sister not being a part of this. There are several issues why, some of which have led her to want to avoid all wedding talk (which sucks because you know how much you like to talk about your wedding plans with your closest loved ones). But, I do understand and respect that -- but it doesn't make it any less disappointing to not be sharing this time with her. I was my sister's MOH in her wedding so it was pretty heartbreaking when I learned she would not be at mine. It is what it is, though, and allow yourself to feel sad, but keep looking at the positives. You have a lifetime of celebration ahead of you. Your friends will be thinking of you on your special day and there will be more happy occasions to celebrate in the future.
    "Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, It will set you free..."
    ~Mumford and Sons
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    Anniversary
  • Thanks ladies!  Your support really helped, I'm feeling better about it now.  I think I just need a few days to accept it.  And the important thing that I have to remember is that this is the day that I get to marry my bestest friend of them all!
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