Typical money gift?

KellyBrian2013 · April 2011

FI and I had a discussion last night over dinner about what people "typically" give as gifts (monetarily) at a wedding...

I said that I would not *expect* money (or any gift for that matter) from anyone, but it wouldn't surprise me if a select few of my aunts and uncles gave a few hundred dollars. I said I'd actually feel bad if a few of my relatives (namely my grandparents who are on a fixed income) do give monetary gifts, especially large ones.

FI insists that we will likely get several thousands of dollars and not to feel bad if people open their pocketbooks because "that's what people do" at weddings...

... I guess my point is: I never realized that weddings were some big money-making venture for the B/G (especially if they are not paying for much, as we won't be). He was quoting figures in the tens of thousands for weddings he's been to & in (including his brother & SIL, who apparently were given $25k or so in gift money). I figured we'd likely end up with $1000-$1500, perhaps a little more, but I certainly would never think people would give collectively in the tens of thousands! Am I just that out of the loop? [We're intending on 150-175ish people, mostly family.]

Blueyed228 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_typical-money-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:70e478c2-2892-4a32-9ad1-5a0d7773c6ccPost:07e6255c-0200-4a18-9786-f45a9bf25011">Typical money gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I had a discussion last night over dinner about what people "typically" give as gifts (monetarily) at a wedding... I said that I would not *expect* money (or any gift for that matter) from anyone, but it wouldn't surprise me if a select few of my aunts and uncles gave a few hundred dollars. I said I'd actually feel bad if a few of my relatives (namely my grandparents who are on a fixed income) do give monetary gifts, especially large ones. FI insists that we will likely get several thousands of dollars and not to feel bad if people open their pocketbooks because "that's what people do" at weddings... ... I guess my point is<strong><u>: I never realized that weddings were some big money-making venture for the B/G</u></strong>(especially if they are not paying for much, as we won't be). He was quoting figures in the tens of thousands for weddings he's been to & in (including his brother & SIL, who apparently were given $25k or so in gift money). I figured we'd likely end up with $1000-$1500, perhaps a little more, but I certainly would never think people would give collectively in the tens of thousands! Am I just that out of the loop? [We're intending on 150-175ish people, mostly family.]
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

Its not. Only selfish couples think of the wedding this way.

However, it is customary for people to give you a gift for your wedding. And people will likely give you more than the $10 each that you are predicting. But a lot of that is regional/income based and people give what they can, even if the gift is just a card. I would be gracious about whatever gift you get and make sure to thank everyone.

FWIW- I think your FI is right to assume that with 150 people, your gift amount will be more to where he is thinking. Around here, an average gift is around $100- $150 per couple. When we attend weddings the minimum gift we give is $200.

SirJuliusVonHaast · April 2011

Even if it's more likely that you will get the higher amount, you still can't count on it. I would plan to get not much, that way you will be pleasantly surprised if you get more, but not disappointed or in a tough spot if you get less.

skippylouwho · April 2011

I think around here the average cash gift is $35 to $100 but in other parts of the country $250 and up is the norm. I do know one couple here that ended up with over $20K in cash and the same amount in gifts off their registry. There were probably 180 at the wedding.

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2011

The average varies. I can pretty much guarantee that the average was higher for our friend who married a woman who grew up on Beacon Street in Boston (and had their wedding at the Four Seasons there) than it will be for us. It's not because they threw a more expensive wedding but because they had guests who were accustomed to giving big checks.

Karen's MOH · April 2011

It is definitely regional. Among my circle in Boston/NJ/NYC, the average monetary gift per couple seems to be around $200-250, which i believe is definitely higher than the national average. Most of the gifts we got off the registry added up to a similar amount or a little less per couple.

I'm hoping what OP meant by 'money making event' was more that she didn't realize people give so much, not that she is viewing her wedding as a way to get some cash.

KellyBrian2013 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_typical-money-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:70e478c2-2892-4a32-9ad1-5a0d7773c6ccPost:e80f8019-ff2b-4622-a9c4-314049fe3657">Re: Typical money gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]It is definitely regional. Among my circle in Boston/NJ/NYC, the average monetary gift per couple seems to be around $200-250, which i believe is definitely higher than the national average. Most of the gifts we got off the registry added up to a similar amount or a little less per couple.<strong> I'm hoping what OP meant by 'money making event' was more that she didn't realize people give so much, not that she is viewing her wedding as a way to get some cash.
</strong>Posted by Karen's MOH[/QUOTE]

Thank you for wording it much better than I did...

... to clarify, I do not EXPECT monetary gifts in the least. And I keep telling FI we need to plan the honeymoon WE can afford without consideration for what gifts we may or may not get. HE is the one insisting that we can rely on several thousands of dollars in monetary gifts. I just don't see it...

... though we're inviting 150-175 people, they aren't ALL individuals, and in fact, much of that is family. (His one uncle & aunt plus their children account for 8 people, for instance, and I can't imagine we'll get $100+ from each person in the household.)

But I guess I just didn't realize the amount of money that people give can be so high... probably because I'm still in school and couldn't really afford to give $100+ gift at this point in my life.

Thanks everyone!

SirJuliusVonHaast · April 2011

You should definitely plan the honeymoon you can afford. Even though many people get cash gifts, I have seen a few posters on here after their weddings who were upset because most guests didn't end up giving a gift. I'm not sure if it was because people had to travel from out of town for their weddings, the economy being bad, or what, but there have been at least 3 or 4 posts about it in the few months since I've been on TK.

Milsey32 · April 2011

I'm in the same boat as you, OP - I did not even imagine people received $25K from their wedding! (Then again, I guess I didn't truly think about it super hard) but like PPs said, I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed. Don't worry about now and definitely don't do any planning with the money you don't have.

phunluvin82 · April 2011

You are right to think of it the way you are. You will most likely get a nice amount of $$, maybe somewhere in the middle of what the amounts the two of you are expecting. But you should not count on a certain amount, or plan your honeymoon around it like your FI is suggesting.

I have seen several posts in the past involving people calculating how much $$ they would need per head to 'break even' and such. Unfortunately, it sounds like some couples DO treat a wedding as a money making venture. These couples are called rude!

Just encourage your FI not to be setting his expectations on a certain amount...and to definitely not be pre-spending money that he is expecting to receive. Not a good idea!

GJMLucky · April 2011

If you are only expecting $1500 from 175 guests, then you will most likely be pleasantly surprised. That is less that $10 per person, people don't do that. The average gift in my area is between $50 and $150 per person, that would be $100-$300 per couple. And even though people don't like to think that they or others will do this, people often give different denominations depending on the formality of your wedding. It may not be right or fair, but the gifts for a Four Seasons receptions will most likely be larger then gifts given for a VFW reception. People also may give more for a sit down dinner verses an hors d'oeuvre receptions.

erinlynnmccrea · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_typical-money-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:70e478c2-2892-4a32-9ad1-5a0d7773c6ccPost:6f5e34c3-9cb5-4575-b2cb-ffc15b82459d">Re: Typical money gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you are only expecting $1500 from 175 guests, then you will most likely be pleasantly surprised. That is less that $10 per person, people don't do that. The average gift in my area is between $50 and $150 per person, that would be $100-$300 per couple.<strong> And even though people don't like to think that they or others will do this, people often give different denominations depending on the formality of your wedding. It may not be right or fair, but the gifts for a Four Seasons receptions will most likely be larger then gifts given for a VFW reception. People also may give more for a sit down dinner verses an h ors d'oeuvre receptions.</strong>
Posted by GJMLucky[/QUOTE]

<div>I think this is because (at least in my area) people try to cover their plate if they are going to give a monetary gift. Usually guests will give more at a formal wedding since they feel it might have cost the bride and groom more per person. However, it is definitely not always to be expected.</div>

Blueyed228 · April 2011

I always give the same amount regardless of whether it was at the RItz or a backyard BBQ wedding.

How would anyone know what it cost to "cover the plate" unless you went around telling everyone how much the plates cost?

rachy24 · April 2011

In the North East, the going rate seems to be at least $100 but more likely $150-$200. Although, at my brothers wedding, we had a lot of family from the South and Mid-West and there were gifts from $25-$50. So like many ppl have said, it depends on where you live and where your guests were from.

We are holding off planning a honeymoon, we just bought a house and can't afford it. So in a few months we will see where we're at and plan from there!

teachermegs · April 2011

I didn't think anyone would give us money, since everyone travelled to back it to the wedding. Our gift cards and checks ranged from $25 to $200. I wouldn't be counting on a certain amount to pay for anything.

regan117 · April 2011

It's definitely regional. Where I live in Pennsylvania, the average monetary gift is $200-$250 per couple. We've already gotten checks for $200 from 4 people we invited who aren't even coming. So that seems to be the trend here. But it certainly varies, and you shouldn't really "count on" any certain amount.

noodle_oo · April 2011

It will completely depend on your circle. Our wedding, the average was probably like $50 per person. We got a few larger gifts from family, but it was definitely not $200 to $250 per couple and we live in Boston too.

And also, don't be surprised that you probably won't get gifts from everyone. You might want to remind your FI of that too so he's doesn't get mad if there are a few who don't give gifts (we see a lot of brides on here who are mad at their guests who didn't give gifts, which is so rude!). You sound like you have the right attitude, so definitely keep reminding your FI that the wedding is not about gifts/money. It is much better to be pleasantly surprised than disappointed due to his high expectations.

vegprincess · April 2011

Some people are INCREDIBLY generous at weddings, so you shouldn't feel badly about it, just be truly thankful and make sure they know it.

If that's something that happens in his family, then he's probably not out of the ballpark, though he shouldn't expect it. A friend of mine had about 180 guests at their wedding and received about $15,000 with gifts on top. Their family does seem to be pretty well-off though, so that may have been a result of the specific family situation.
I also agree that it depends on where you live. There have been quite a handful of weddings in my family recently and relatives in CO seem to give significantly different amounts than relatives in the northeast/mid-atlantic.

Typical money gift?

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