Inviting someone to just the ceremony?

SCogs18 · March 2012

Ok, read my whole post before being like "omg that's so rude!'

Our guest list is complete and the STDs are sent. One of my good friend's mom is quite fond of me and is very excited about the wedding, but is not on the guest list. I talked to my friend and she said her mom "does not want to attend the reception, but she would like to see the ceremony" The mom isn't comfortable being at the same party as her daughter/possibly seeing her drinking. Would it be totally rude to send her a little note when I send out invitations inviting her and her husband to the ceremony? This was their daughter's suggestion, but I'm not sure what to do. My friend also said that her mom (and maybe her dad) will come to the ceremony regardless if they are invited/get a note, but will not crash the reception.

XP with Sept 2012

MobKaz · March 2012

If I understand your concern/issue, to lessen any confusion, offering a "word of mouth" invitation may be better than a "formal" invitation.

When my daughter married, she had many people that had an interest in attending the Nuptial Mass, but had no intention nor any desire to attend the reception or have any expectation of being invited.

Because she married in her hometown, with several BM's being HS friends, many parents of the BM's expressed a desire to attend her ceremony because of their own daughter being in the wedding party, as well as having known my daughter for many years. In addition, several students (daughter is an 8th grade teacher) expressed a desire to watch their teacher marry. We left it up to the BM's to give their parents the details for the day. And in the case of the students, my daughter told her students to have their parents contact her in they wanted information.

It sounds to me as if your situation is similar, and that this mom was just being courteous to you in case, for some reason, you would not want any "officially uninvited guest" attending your ceremony.

I have always told both my children that if someone close to them were to marry in our hometown, I would absolutely find a seat in the back of the church to "quietly" share in their joy.

I hope that answered your question. I think your friends' mom also just wants to share in your joy. If you were to send a little note, I would just keep it casual, and give her the time and place of the ceremony.

MyNameIsNot · March 2012

I would invite her to the whole thing, and let her choose whether or not to attend the reception. (Unless there is some reason you don't want her at the reception.) It sounds like you just don't think she'd come.

SCogs18 · March 2012

Wait, so I am obligated to invite someone to my wedding because they decide they want to come? How does that work? We made the guest list and are happy with it, without this woman and her husband on it. The only reason I am considering doing anything at all is because I have been informed that she will be attending the ceremony, regardless of my opinion/her status as an invited guest? She is a perfectly lovely woman, but do I want to invite her to the wedding? No. She has decided she wants to come.

This woman, or any other person aside from those on the guest list, is not going to be invited to the reception. We simply cannot afford any more guests. Do I just leave it be and have her come to the ceremony or should I acknowledge that she wants to be there/will be at the ceremony?

MobKaz · March 2012

If I understand your post, I don't think your friends mom was looking to receive an invitation nor do I think she expects one. It sounds as if your friend was merely giving you a "head's up" that her mom will be attending the ceremony.

My guess is that your friend mentioned it just in case, during the ceremony, you noticed her mom and "panicked" wondering what she was doing there.

MyNameIsNot · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_inviting-someone-to-just-the-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:6d469891-7af7-4c31-8ab9-75c3fb6ac40cPost:ad77afb6-6a70-4657-ad15-6ba6871b6128">Re: Inviting someone to just the ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, so I am obligated to invite someone to my wedding because they decide they want to come? How does that work? We made the guest list and are happy with it, without this woman and her husband on it. The only reason I am considering doing anything at all is because I have been informed that she will be attending the ceremony, regardless of my opinion/her status as an invited guest? She is a perfectly lovely woman, but do I want to invite her to the wedding? No. She has decided she wants to come. This woman, or any other person aside from those on the guest list, is not going to be invited to the reception. We simply cannot afford any more guests. Do I just leave it be and have her come to the ceremony or should I acknowledge that she wants to be there/will be at the ceremony?
Posted by SCogs18[/QUOTE]

<div>I misunderstood that you don't want to invite her. If you don't want to invite her, don't invite her. </div><div>
</div><div>You can mention to your friend that the church is open to the public during the ceremony, but sending an invitation or calling her means you need to invite her to the whole deal. </div>

aragx6 · March 2012

Is it at a church? They're public places anyway so no invitation is needed to attend.

spartybride3 · March 2012

I had the same issue, although mine turned out worse than yours probably will. My BM's mom ASSUMED she was invited and was upset when she wasn't (I can't stand her mom, unlike you, which you sound like you don't mind her). In turn, my BM got mad bc "how dare I not invite her" and removed herself from the wedding party. Drrrrraaaammmmmaaaaaa! (BTW, I am happy she is no longer in it...she was being a bridesmaid-zilla).

I doubt your friend, or her mom, are as crazy as my friend, but I would make sure your friend is ok with her not being invited. I think that's kinda rude on the mom's part either way for her to seemingly invite herself to the ceremony. I understand that churches are public places, but this is also your wedding and you've chosen certain people to be there. Wedding's are not free for all's.

ootmother2 · March 2012

Just stick to your guns ad your friend and her mother will survive. trust me

Ali092011 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_inviting-someone-to-just-the-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:6d469891-7af7-4c31-8ab9-75c3fb6ac40cPost:cd88f0df-ac37-41f6-a603-d5091f2a7b51">Re: Inviting someone to just the ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting someone to just the ceremony? : I misunderstood that you don't want to invite her. If you don't want to invite her, don't invite her. You can mention to your friend that the church is open to the public during the ceremony, but sending an invitation or calling her means you need to invite her to the whole deal.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. I think it's sort of rude for this woman to put you in this awkward predicament--I wouldn't know what to do, either. But like MNIN said, if you call her or send her anything, I don't see how it could be anything less than a full invitation. I would just trust your friend to give her the ceremony details and leave it at that.

Elizabeth80 · March 2012

Love this response and your manner of communicating! I wouldn't have thought of this and may now spread it word of mouth to my bm's and moh's that there parents can come if they would like. Thanks for the share!!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_inviting-someone-to-just-the-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:6d469891-7af7-4c31-8ab9-75c3fb6ac40cPost:8bb2543c-a06e-4795-a248-7019028fd964">Re: Inviting someone to just the ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]If I understand your concern/issue, to lessen any confusion, offering a "word of mouth" invitation may be better than a "formal" invitation. When my daughter married, she had many people that had an interest in attending the Nuptial Mass, but had no intention nor any desire to attend the reception or have any expectation of being invited. Because she married in her hometown, with several BM's being HS friends, many parents of the BM's expressed a desire to attend her ceremony because of their own daughter being in the wedding party, as well as having known my daughter for many years. In addition, several students (daughter is an 8th grade teacher) expressed a desire to watch their teacher marry. We left it up to the BM's to give their parents the details for the day. And in the case of the students, my daughter told her students to have their parents contact her in they wanted information. It sounds to me as if your situation is similar, and that this mom was just being courteous to you in case, for some reason, you would not want any "officially uninvited guest" attending your ceremony. I have always told both my children that if someone close to them were to marry in our hometown, I would absolutely find a seat in the back of the church to "quietly" share in their joy. I hope that answered your question. I think your friends' mom also just wants to share in your joy. If you were to send a little note, I would just keep it casual, and give her the time and place of the ceremony.
Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]

Inviting someone to just the ceremony?

Re: Inviting someone to just the ceremony?

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