a vent, kinda of!

titinoray08 · February 2012

My fiance's sister is one of our bridesmaids. I must start off by saying she was not my first choice for my bridal party. I had only met her a handful of times and I only wanted four BM. Well she turned around and told her dad she better be in our wedding, then thier dad told my fiance, what she said. By the time it got back to me, three or four people had been told she was in the wedding. I basically have her in it to be a "people pleaser".

With this said, she told us on Thursday that she is pregnant and will be due Sept. 15th. Our wedding is Sept. 1st. I am sure she saw the disappointment and aggravation run across my face when she said this.

I am very upset/angry that the BM that I did not even want in my bridal party is now pregnant. It will not even be a pregnant that you could maybe hide, but a full blown, ready to give birth pregnant.

I know I sound like a bad person for feeling the way I do, I guess right now I have no other feeling. I want to be happy for her, but all I can think about are my bridal party pictures and her big ole' baby bump.

SCogs18 · February 2012

It was incredibly rude of her to basically force her way in to the bridal party. If she was going to stand up, it should have been on your FI's side. I can't believe her family let her get away with that. She sounds like a child.

I'm sorry you have to deal with her. Perhaps you can spoil her child rotten after the wedding and then send it home to her a total brat?

volleygurl0306 · February 2012

Agree with PP that she was super rude about it. I think you should get over it though. She is going to be so uncomfortable and ready to pop at your wedding I bet she won't even want to stand. Being two weeks early is not uncommon and is hardly considered premature (if it is at all). There's a good chance she will be too uncomfortable to stand at the ceremony and all the pictures and/or she'll already have had her baby. You should be happy for her. I really think not wanting a pregnant BM is out of line regardless of how you feel about the person. That's like saying you wouldn't pick a good friend because she's fat. Being pregnant is a beautiful thing and that's your niece or nephew! How excited will they be at 5 years old to hear they did make it to your wedding in mommys belly. I know in laws can be a pain but Mother Nature may have done you a favor and I think you should just be excited for her. I'm sure your FI is excited to be an uncle and not freaking out about pictures.

BMcLeodTeam · February 2012

I agree with PPs that forcing her way into your bridal party was rude. I can't imagine having to deal with that... BUT...
You being upset at her for getting pregnant is also very out of line. Regardless of how they came to bein your wedding party, they are still people. Their lives aren't going to go on hold because your wedding is coming up. You should be happy for her, having a baby is something amazing and special.

DirtyWater · February 2012

I would be pissed if someone just barged their way into my wedding at all period. What I don't agree with is the fact that your mad that she is due right before your wedding. You don't have the right to say things like that. I'm a firm believer in Karma is a Bitch.

As for your pictures, there are always ways to hide a pregnant belly. Let your photographer know now, so they can come up with some cute poses. Make sure there are a few of her belly though. Your future niece or nephew, I'm sure will be curious about things and pictures are a great thing to show little ones, and to tell stories of the family and what not.

(Just make sure you play nice or the story one day might be, "This is Auntie and Uncle on their wedding day. Once Auntie, put on the magical white dress, she turned into a WEDDING MONSTER and put Mommy in a corner!!!)

Just kidding. Trying to lighten up the situation for you.

titinoray08 · February 2012

Thanks ladies. I am working on not being mad about her being pregnant. It is not about the pregnancy, I think I am still angry about the way she went about things to be in the wedding party.

I know I sound evil, I am not. I appreciate the responses and bringing it into perspective for me.

abcollins08 · February 2012

It's good to vent and get it all out. I'd rather you do it here that to her face and start drama with the future in laws. Like PP said she'll probably be so miserable that she won't want to stand up on your wedding day. Just congratulate them on their pregnancy and keep her updated on your plans and let her know that if she's not feeling up to it, you're fine with that.

mamameech · February 2012

I gotta say that I find your comments about her bump really harsh and could be very hurtful to others on this board. Granted I totally appreciate your frustration with her forcing her way into the bridal party; it should be your choice!! Im really sorry u have to deal with that I would have told you to stabd firm with your choices and not add her had u asked this before This is a really sensitive situation and I would very careful about what you say to family about your disappointment; despite her rudeness this is also a joyous event for your family.

romamor4 · February 2012

I have to agree with PP's. Though I understand your frustration stems mostly from her pushing her way into your bridal party, she will most likely be out of commission for your wedding day anyways. A baby bump isn't a terrible thing to have in pictures and certainly won't draw attention from you, whether or not she will even be able to participate. Just let it go. It's not worth the worry. And this is a much better place to vent than to your family, that's for sure!

NO2012 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_a-vent-kinda-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:4ebdf51e-fb83-4ed8-b8d7-9f3787d2c751Post:9c43d520-850e-4a7e-8e12-2d7a167130b1">Re: a vent, kinda of!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies. I am working on not being mad about her being pregnant. It is not about the pregnancy, I think I am still angry about the way she went about things to be in the wedding party. I know I sound evil, I am not. I appreciate the responses and bringing it into perspective for me.
Posted by titinoray08[/QUOTE]

I think it is pretty obvious that this is where your true frustrations lie, but from here on out you have to take the high road on this subject and maybe even go out of your way to make amends for whatever face you made (buy her a really nice baby gift, offer to help with a shower, or flat out apologize and explain why you may have given her the wrong impression about her wonderful news). Remember that although she pushed her way into your wedding, you (and your FI) allowed her to be in the wedding. No one can truly make themselves a part of your wedding party without your permission (you have to ask them or implicitly agree to their suggestions that they will be, you inform them of details, you tell her what dress to buy, etc.). I understand why you did it, but in situations like these you have to step back (after these vents) and acknowledge how you got here. I am putting myself in your shoes, and I would be mad at myself for allowing other people to push me into something I really didn't want. I am willing to bet that you won't be so willing to people please after this, and that is ok.

romamor4 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_a-vent-kinda-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:4ebdf51e-fb83-4ed8-b8d7-9f3787d2c751Post:16db0d95-2c28-4351-8012-193a1fc210c7">Re: a vent, kinda of!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: a vent, kinda of! : I think it is pretty obvious that this is where your true frustrations lie, but from here on out you have to take the high road on this subject and maybe even go out of your way to make amends for whatever face you made (buy her a really nice baby gift, offer to help with a shower, or flat out apologize and explain why you may have given her the wrong impression about her wonderful news). Remember that although she pushed her way into your wedding, you (and your FI) allowed her to be in the wedding. No one can truly make themselves a part of your wedding party without your permission (you have to ask them or implicitly agree to their suggestions that they will be, you inform them of details, you tell her what dress to buy, etc.). I understand why you did it, but in situations like these you have to step back (after these vents) and acknowledge how you got here. I am putting myself in your shoes, and I would be mad at myself for allowing other people to push me into something I really didn't want. I am willing to bet that you won't be so willing to people please after this, and that is ok.
Posted by NO2012[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow, that was a really eloquent way of putting it, NO2012!</div>

mamameech · February 2012

No2012 - well put

volleygurl0306 · February 2012

Agree! NO2012...beautiful! OP, we all know you aren't a terrible person and aren't mad about the pregnancy. We are just hear to give each other support and sometimes a dose of reality (we all need it when emotions are high). Keep us posted on how things pan out! It'll be okay though!

NO2012 · February 2012

Thanks - I like putting my time and energy into giving other people thoughtful advice on their problems as a way of avoiding my own...haha.

Could easily post a few of my own vents here on a regular basis. The support system here is great.

titinoray08 · February 2012

I appreciate all the advice and different ways of dealing with it. I invited her over for Sunday "coffee" with my girl friends and she had other plans. I have been trying to "fix" the face I made. I am not by any means "A WEDDING MONSTER". I came here to vent thinking/hoping I could get the advice and encouraging words to help. Thanks for the words.

DirtyWater · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_a-vent-kinda-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:4ebdf51e-fb83-4ed8-b8d7-9f3787d2c751Post:6f3cfb75-877d-4549-8c9b-44843736641e">Re: a vent, kinda of!</a>:
[QUOTE]I appreciate all the advice and different ways of dealing with it. I invited her over for Sunday "coffee" with my girl friends and she had other plans. I have been trying to "fix" the face I made. <font color="#3366ff">I am not by any means "A WEDDING MONSTER". </font>I came here to vent thinking/hoping I could get the advice and encouraging words to help. Thanks for the words.
Posted by titinoray08[/QUOTE]

I hope you didn't take that as me calling you a monster. I was just joking around trying to make light of your situation. By no means do I think you're a bad person. Everyone has the right to a freak out now and then and I like to try to make people laugh about what they say when a laugh is needed.

a vent, kinda of!

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