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Yahoo article on who should pay - etiqutte fail

chrryblndchickchrryblndchick
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
http://shine.yahoo.com/financially-fit/wedding-costs-pay-013200748.html

"If you're getting married and unsure if, or how, to broach this topic with your family, here's some etiquette. First, don't assume you're in it alone. If your family doesn't reach out to you first about contributing to your wedding, it doesn't mean they're not interested. The only way to find out is to ask politely."

I'm fairly certain there is no polite way to ask for money for your wedding. My favorite line is this one though:

" 'I felt it was a smart move to put our pride aside and ask our parents for help," says Katherine. "We wouldn't have had the wedding that we had.' "

Then maybe you should have planned a wedding you could actually afford. What a novel idea!
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Re: Yahoo article on who should pay - etiqutte fail

  • dumdumfroggiedumdumfroggie
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Yes, you caught an etiquette error.  Good job.  These happen all the time, unfortunately.
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  • Milsey32Milsey32
    1000 Comments
    Before I was even engaged my parents said they would help out with the wedding so when we were engaged we confronted them about an actual number. There's no polite way to go about asking "so how much are you gonna give us?!", but if their financial position had changed and they could no longer contibute some money to our wedding, we would have been fine and planned accordingly. I just don't understand why people think they are entitled to money. If you cannot afford it yourselves, don't get married. Getting married isn't just about the wedding anyway.
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  • Milsey32Milsey32
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yahoo-article-on-who-should-pay-etiqutte-fail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be217149-c716-4187-b613-4060dccba9adPost:e5e6ef1d-39b8-4fc0-8aab-8b641328e30a">Re: Yahoo article on who should pay - etiqutte fail</a>:
    [QUOTE]Uh, yeah.  Real Simple's current issue also says it's A-OK to host your own bridal shower & baby shower.  Um, no.  FFS, hosting a party for your own gifts?  Gah.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    Regardless of what Real Simple says, I don't know who people would feel comfortable with this! I felt shy about even being the guest of honor at my showers and receiving gifts but I would NOT be able to feel okay with hosting a shower for myself!
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  • dumdumfroggiedumdumfroggie
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yahoo-article-on-who-should-pay-etiqutte-fail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be217149-c716-4187-b613-4060dccba9adPost:c1cd40af-26c2-4ad8-b94a-3017cde363d7">Re: Yahoo article on who should pay - etiqutte fail</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yahoo article on who should pay - etiqutte fail : Regardless of what Real Simple says, I don't know who people would feel comfortable with this! I felt shy about even being the guest of honor at my showers and receiving gifts but I would NOT be able to feel okay with hosting a shower for myself!
    Posted by Milsey32[/QUOTE]

    <div>Hang around here for a bit!  There are lots of people that are ok with hosting their own bridal showers.</div>
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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited March 2012

     Because every woman in America is entitled to spend other people's money to be an AW pretty princess for the day, didn't you know? [headdesk]

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  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yahoo-article-on-who-should-pay-etiqutte-fail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be217149-c716-4187-b613-4060dccba9adPost:e5e6ef1d-39b8-4fc0-8aab-8b641328e30a">Re: Yahoo article on who should pay - etiqutte fail</a>:
    [QUOTE]Uh, yeah.  Real Simple's current issue also says it's A-OK to host your own bridal shower & baby shower.  Um, no.  FFS, hosting a party for your own gifts?  Gah.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    Aww, man. I live by Real Simple. This saddens me.
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  • smartlyprettysmartlypretty member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    Oh my.

    What I learned from this wedding planning is that if relatives want to help, THEY WILL OFFER FIRST. I said absolutely nothing to anyone about money and had my parents offer to pay for the reception, my grandmother offer to pay for my dress, an aunt offer to cover our honeymoon, and FI parent's offer to cover RD, flowers, and photog. Your relatives will offer to pay for things if they want to. 
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  • Laurstar31Laurstar31 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yahoo-article-on-who-should-pay-etiqutte-fail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be217149-c716-4187-b613-4060dccba9adPost:fb354926-7bb4-4813-baae-df411a69e4b9">Re: Yahoo article on who should pay - etiqutte fail</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh my. What I learned from this wedding planning is that if relatives want to help, THEY WILL OFFER FIRST. I said absolutely nothing to anyone about money and had my parents offer to pay for the reception, my grandmother offer to pay for my dress, an aunt offer to cover our honeymoon, and FI parent's offer to cover RD, flowers, and photog. Your relatives will offer to pay for things if they want to. 
    Posted by smartlypretty[/QUOTE

    well said and so true!
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  • lalaweddingdivalalaweddingdiva member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    I've never thrown my own birthday party ??
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  • MeghannsixMeghannsix member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Unfortunately, this is where these girls get these crazy ideas from.  Ugh.
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    BUT AN INTERNET ARTICLE SAYS IT'S OKAY, YOU ARE ALL JUST A BUNCH OF BITCHES WHO DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!!


    ^^I'm waiting for that to happen.  Because, ya know, everything on the internet is true...
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  • lalaweddingdivalalaweddingdiva member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yahoo-article-on-who-should-pay-etiqutte-fail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be217149-c716-4187-b613-4060dccba9adPost:9989eb17-536e-4df9-97c6-2084d2bab9ef">Re: Yahoo article on who should pay - etiqutte fail</a>:
    [QUOTE]BUT AN INTERNET ARTICLE SAYS IT'S OKAY, YOU ARE ALL JUST A BUNCH OF BITCHES WHO DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!! ^^I'm waiting for that to happen.  Because, ya know, everything on the internet is true...
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]



    I guess you're quoting me, in which case u forgot WT before the b word ;)
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  • afink07afink07 member
    10 Comments
    Wow, this is horrible. My parents told us when we told them about the engagement that they would be paying and his parents said that they would also be helping. We didn't ask for it. I figured the two of us would save and do a very small ceremony and reception (read parents, siblings and best friends). We are very grateful for our parents helping us and didn't expect it. No one should expect it, it is a gift. 
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yahoo-article-on-who-should-pay-etiqutte-fail?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be217149-c716-4187-b613-4060dccba9adPost:ce20fdb4-d642-4a66-851f-9a1e5efcf12a">Re: Yahoo article on who should pay - etiqutte fail</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Yahoo article on who should pay - etiqutte fail : Yeah.  I couldn't believe what I was reading.  It was in the Ask Jill (or whatever her name is).  I can't even remember all of her justifications.  One was along the lines of: since it's ok to throw your own bday parties, it's totes ok to host your own showers.  I disagree -- I just don't think it's ok to host your own anything if it's a gift giving occasion.  Well, other than a wedding reception.  Heh.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    This. It's technically NOT polite to host your own birthday party, but pretty much everyone I know does it now, so people don't see anything wrong with saying, "Come to x place and buy your own food and drinks in celebration of ME." I've even had people "invite" me to things like that and then suggest that in lieu of a gift, I donate to some cause. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />
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