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Weird officiant/church situation

fridaysdancefridaysdance member
Eighth Anniversary 100 Comments
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

FI's grandfather is a preacher. He was a pastor for 20 years or so before his health began to fail. He has married every other couple in the family and we want him to marry us.

I grew up attending a very beautiful church and wanted to use that church for the ceremony. The church FI and I attend is not set up very well for weddings and needs several repairs, or we would use it. My dad talked to the associate pastor at the church I grew up in and he said he believes the rule is that one of their pastors must be involved in the ceremony to ensure that nothing goes against church doctrine. He didn't really seem too sure though because most people there are either related to the pastor or have been attending so long that they could not envision asking anyone else.

I know the current pastor very well. He was a good friend of my grandmother's. If I set up a meeting so that he could discuss the entire ceremony with FI's grandfather, could that possibly allow him to perform the ceremony? I haven't been able to call him about this yet and am just wondering how to approach it.

I do not know anyone at the other churches in town and really want a church wedding.

I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
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Re: Weird officiant/church situation

  • clcrandaclcranda
    100 Comments
    It can't hurt to ask.  I know it depends on the denomination what their rules are for outside pastors performing wedding ceremonies.  Maybe the current pastor just needs to be present or have a small part in it.  Would you be opposed to him saying a prayer or something and then having your FI grandfather doing everything else?  That could be a compromise as well.  But you'll never know until you ask the pastor.  Good luck!
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  • TiffannieFTiffannieF member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Third vote to ask the church...it's the only way to know.
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  • ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    "If I set up a meeting so that he could discuss the entire ceremony with FI's grandfather, could that possibly allow him to perform the ceremony?" Yes

    Say something like, "I don't know if you heard from my dad and [associate pastor], but we'd would like to be married in your church with FI's grandfather as the primary officiant. Can that be arranged? What would be the first step?" Then let him take it from there.

    2 stories: As soon as we got engaged, my future husband and I met with the assisting priest we'd like to officiate. We talked about our date and any counseling and other steps we'd have to do. When the rector (head pastor) came back a couple months later, the assisting priest had told him 0 about our conversation, though church rules really required the assisting priest to talk to the rector about the planned marriage of a member, even if the rector wasn't being asked to attend, necessarily. This is in a tiny church of 50 members. Lesson: Don't assume messages are being passed. Share informationg, ask questions yourself.

    Dad has a line that "pastors are jealous of their pulpits," meaning they don't really like anyone else to appear in charge in their churches. There can be good, theological reasons for this, as this associate pastor mentioned.
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