Wedding party

stillersblackngold · January 2010

How big is too big for your wedding party? This is so backwards but my fiance wants to have ALL of his good friends in the wedding and he won't settle for making some of them ushers. I really don't want to ask people to be in my wedding just as fillers. What should I do? He doesn't seem to be budging but I don't want to look ridiculous either.

dreamalotmp · January 2010

This seems like an obvious answer... As big or as small as you want is fine. Everyone here had all different numbers. I had 3. A friend had 7.

It depends on what you can afford, also. Can you afford to buy them all thank you gifts if you want to do that? Can you afford to pay for them all to ride with you in a limo if you want that? Can you afford to pay for any dresses if any BMs can't? Just things to consider.

KimWard · January 2010

It's really up to you, but I prefer smaller wedding parties. We only had 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen. You don't have to have the sides balanced either, so that's something to consider. Though it would look pretty ridiculous IMO to have 10 groomsmen and 4 bridesmaids. How many are you talking? He could always have them be involved in the wedding other ways- readers, ushers to show people to their seats, etc.

Er/jer · January 2010

I personally prefer smaller - I had 4 BMs and he had 5 GMs. I would not have gone more than this. I actually would have preferred maybe 3 a piece, but this is what it came to.

So keep in mind you don't have to have even numbers, either.

Er/jer · January 2010

And ditto everything Dream said about making sure you can afford it. Things can get expensive, and there is always a chance you're stuck with costs you weren't planning on.

How many is ALL his friends?

skybluejen · January 2010

I think it just depends on what you want. We had 9 bridesmaids and 9 groomsmen. To some this sounds ridiculous, but it was so much fun having a huge wedding party.

duqcheer04 · January 2010

We have 6 on each side, one junior bridesmaid (she will be 14) and one "junior" groomsman (my brother is 17).

I understand that it is hard to "pick". We are going to use bridesmaids and groomsman to do readings/usher etc.

I say do what makes you happy!

kbielak17 · January 2010

We had 4 of each and that was a perfect size for us. I think any more would have been too many.

As previously asked, how many people are we talking?

gmc22 · January 2010

I agree with everyone - you can have as many or as little as you want! Keep in mind, it doesn't have to be even - but might look a bit weird in pictures and everything if you have 3 on one side and 10 on the other.

In my wedding, we're each going to have 8, however, he's having 2 best men and I'm only having 1 MOH, but I'm having 2 Junion BM's in addition the the 8. It's a bit big for my liking, but neither of us could imagine leaving any of these people out. We both have HUGE families and it's important to both of us to have each and every one of these people in our WP. Either way, it's completely up to you and your FI and what works best for you! If you're really opposed to having all his friends in there talk to your FI about it and suggest alternative things for the additional guys to do!

KRMac · January 2010

We had 7 attendants each. Too large to some, but it was important to have our siblings and close friends. It is definitely more expensive though, although I think our BP also appreciated being able to split the costs of the bparties/shower, etc with each other.

I was recently in weddings where one bride had 8 BMs and another only had 3...and let me tell you - it was so nice to split things with a larger number!

My DH played lacrosse in college, so a lot of the weddings we go to for his friends have a TON of groomsmen and a few bridesmaids...they usually double up walking down the aisle/being introduced at the reception. I don't see anything wrong with that - if he is close to a large group of guys, why not have them all stand up with him and just choose your close friends for BMs.

GL!

CLW102409 · January 2010

I had 7 BM's and 7 GM's and 2 ushers because DH wanted to have his other two friends in it but waited until 3 months out to tell me. We agreed on the usher duty.

I was in a wedding years ago where the bride was literally asking people off the street to be in her wedding (hence me being in itI It was my sister's bff and even though we were friends we weren't all that close but she was at a loss of who to ask to make the sides even and I was one of the chosen ones off the street). Her husband has a ton of friends and couldn't choose between all of them without possible making people upset. It was a ZOO!!! The wedding party consisted of 22 people! YIKES!

How many friends does your FI want to have in it? It is ok to have uneven sides if you don't want that many BM's. But try to work it out, maybe try to convince FI to make some ushers or do a reading, etc.. It is costly to have that many in a wedding party. I spent $50.00 a piece on gifts, not including flowers, transportant, bouts, etc. It really adds up!!

colleenmclaughlin1 · January 2010

I agree with everything previously posted. We had 3 each and that was good for us. You really need to do what's right for you.

Having said that, it also sounds like you want to start the coversation with FI about the size and want to have some sort of guide to go with. if that is the case, Emily Post ettiquette suggests 1 BM for every 50 guests. Again, I want to emphasize that you need to do what feels right for BOTH of you, and that's just a guideline.

kwynn · January 2010

I had 4, my DH had 3. To us, that was just fine. I've worked a lot of weddings with super large bridal parties...it can get difficult to coordinate all that, someone is always late, there is no way to get hair and makeup done for that many people, limos start getting super expensive, the number of people lined up at the altar can look ridiculous compared to the number of people attending the wedding, hard to find a day for the shower/bparty that everyone can attend, etc.

Emily Post does say 1 pair of attendants for every 50 guests.

Here's something else that a lot of people don't like to say: Sometimes, people are relieved to not be asked to be in another wedding, especially if they have been in several. It is expensive.

If you have a ton of people you'd like to ask and it is getting unwieldy, I recommend just going with family members. That is an easy cut-off that hurts no feelings. "We decided just to make it family-only as far as attendants."

KRMac · January 2010

From a friend's wedding - 11 GM, 6 BMs. Doesn't ruin the pictures.

skybluejen · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:f0a4204e-d094-4a9d-9a4f-2edbae98a72ePost:43a39cb4-d025-4d17-9c0a-6751ab93781e">Re: Wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]I had 4, my DH had 3. To us, that was just fine. I've worked a lot of weddings with super large bridal parties...it can get difficult to coordinate all that, someone is always late, there is no way to get hair and makeup done for that many people, limos start getting super expensive, the number of people lined up at the altar can look ridiculous compared to the number of people attending the wedding, hard to find a day for the shower/bparty that everyone can attend, etc.
Posted by kwynn[/QUOTE]

We actually had none of these problems - even with 18 attendents. All the girls got their hair done the morning of the wedding with no probs, all 10 of us girls even got our nails done together the day before the wedding. Not a single person was late to anything. I had an awesome shower/bparty with everyone involved. I think you can have problems with any number of attendents, it just depends on the crowd, not necessarily the numbers.

kwynn · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:116Discussion:f0a4204e-d094-4a9d-9a4f-2edbae98a72ePost:f4e31009-8363-4e62-bb5d-49eb9c713b3d">Re: Wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding party : We actually had none of these problems - even with 18 attendents. All the girls got their hair done the morning of the wedding with no probs, all 10 of us girls even got our nails done together the day before the wedding. Not a single person was late to anything. I had an awesome shower/bparty with everyone involved. I think you can have problems with any number of attendents, it just depends on the crowd, not necessarily the numbers.
Posted by skybluejen[/QUOTE]

That's true, it can happen with any number. I have just seen it a lot more with big bridal parties. Also, if you have a bigger wedding, a bigger wedding party makes sense. Didn't you have 200+ guests?

To me, with a 140 max guest wedding, I think 20 people lined up across the altar would have been a little much.

I *think* I read somewhere that 12 is the max, etiquette-wise. I don't remember where I read that, however.

stillersblackngold · January 2010

Wow thanks so much for all of your input! HE wants to do at least 10...just on his side... I would be fine with 3 on my side and that is it. He has a big family and wants all of them in the party too! So I am just not sure how this is going to work out but it is definitely causing me more problems than any of the other planning so far.

Wedding party

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