Wedding times on Saturdays

kulawfrog · July 2010

I am looking at dong a 2 pm option in an Austin cathedral since their only other option is 7:30,which will be wayyyy too late for our elderly family members and dinner. Any ideas of what to do once the ceremony ends at 3 or so? What can we have guests do prior to a cocktail hour? Are these times even "normal" for Catholic churches for weddings?? Thanks!!

fam6 · July 2010

I think these are the normal times for Catholic weddings, I didn't want to deal with the break, so I did the later service. I think often there is just a break for guests with nothing to do when people do a 2 pm ceremony.

Riss91 · July 2010

Try to move up your cocktail hour start time as early as possible. If there is still a significant break (more than a half hour), you should at the very least guide your guests to locations in the area where they can sit, have something to drink or snack on and possibly use a restroom. If you can afford it, the best thing to do would be to provide them with this location (like a hospitality suite at the hotel you are using).

Ashley42410 · July 2010

This is very normal for Catholic weddings, since the majority of the churches have Saturday mass services.

I'm starting cocktails/reception earlier...didn't want to have a gap for my guests. They live far enough away that it would be worthless to go home in between.

Theresa626 · July 2010

Those are totally normal times. Some people start their cocktail hour earlier and have an afternoon reception. Some people have a gap and try to have relatives come to someone's house or a hotel suite in between the ceremony and cocktail hour.

kulawfrog · July 2010

Great, thanks everyone! I think the ideas of either moving up the reception or a hospitality suite are do-able. I appreciate it!!

Calypso1977 · July 2010

i would do a morning wedding with a lunch reception if they will let you do, say, 11am OR i woudl just have your cocktail hour go from 3-4, wtih dinner at 4. avoid the gap if at all possible.

bellashauntee · July 2010

I am having a 2 and 1/2 hour gap. Unfortanely it's unavoidable. My ceremony is at 1and cocktail hour starts at 4. most of my relatives are Cahtolic, so they are used to the "Catholic gap," I am giving them a list of things they can do during the break.

catarntina · July 2010

My weddings at 2 (the latest the church allows it on Saturdays), the reception is at 6. So there will be like a 3 hour gap. My parents have graciously said they will open their house up to an informal cocktail hour. They live directly across the street from the church (I am literally walking there) and always have a fully stocked bar in their basement. My parents LOVE to entertain and they always keep their bar stocked.

During this time, the bridal party will be going somewhere to take pictures and then meeting back at the reception site for dinner and dancing.

My family is all Catholic too, so I think they are expecting a gap since all my cousins had gaps in their weddings (I'm the youngest of my generation and everyone else is married already).

meg_thegreat · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-times-saturdays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:3d52eede-0e5c-4f96-802f-7a82b98aff32Post:e120134a-396d-44ee-ae9f-d66e691c817b">Re: Wedding times on Saturdays</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having a 2 and 1/2 hour gap. Unfortanely it's unavoidable. My ceremony is at 1and cocktail hour starts at 4. most of my relatives are Cahtolic, so they are used to the "Catholic gap," I am giving them a list of things they can do during the break.
Posted by bellashauntee[/QUOTE]

I am glad to hear you say this! Our ceremony is also at 1, and I hate the idea of having a "gap" but we also don't want to be serving dinner at 4:30, know what I mean? The mass will be about an hour, so it will be about a 2 hour gap. We played with the idea of starting it at 3:30, but I don't know...almost everyone at the wedding will be Catholic, so hopefully it will be okay, it's stressful though!

Calypso1977 · July 2010

while its too late for some to change plans, please dont assume that because guests are catholic they will understand the gap. i am a lifelong catholic, adn i had never heard of this "gap" until i came to the Knot. i would find it very strange to be invited to a wedding of any denomination that had a huge gap between ceremony and reception.

mica178 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-times-saturdays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:3d52eede-0e5c-4f96-802f-7a82b98aff32Post:8232e2fe-85c1-4fae-8e88-edc2ed604507">Re: Wedding times on Saturdays</a>:
[QUOTE]while its too late for some to change plans, please dont assume that because guests are catholic they will understand the gap. i am a lifelong catholic, adn i had never heard of this "gap" until i came to the Knot. i would find it very strange to be invited to a wedding of any denomination that had a huge gap between ceremony and reception.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Yup. I think large gaps are rude to guests because they basically force them to commit an entire day to your wedding. I've been to plenty of Catholic weddings, and none of them had more than an hour between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of cocktails. I think it'd be a pain to be expected to go to three different sites (church, gap reception, then normal reception) for one event.

bellashauntee · July 2010

I did not assume that because my guests are Catholic that they will understand the gap. I know that they will because every Catholic wedding within my family had a gap.
Unfortunately Mica and Calypso, not everybody can have a perfectly planned day without a gap, as much as I tried to go without one. I looked all over San Diego county in hopes of finding a reception venue that would start earlier, but they all have very set times, either an morning reception that start at 11:00 a.m. which was out of the question, because the 10:00a.m. ceremony time was taken, or evening receptions that begin at 6:00p.m. With my ceremony a 1:00p.m., that would have caused a four hour gap. At a certain point I realized that the gap was inevitable and I got super lucky with the venue that I did choose because they allowed us to start the reception at 4:00p.m.

So, please do not call the brides with gaps rude, that might the only option that they have.

bellashauntee · July 2010

Meg, if your venue allows you to start at 3:30, then I would suggest that. Not only will your guests be happier, but you'll get to spend more time with them at the reception.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-times-saturdays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:3d52eede-0e5c-4f96-802f-7a82b98aff32Post:8232e2fe-85c1-4fae-8e88-edc2ed604507">Re: Wedding times on Saturdays</a>:
[QUOTE]while its too late for some to change plans, please dont assume that because guests are catholic they will understand the gap. i am a lifelong catholic, <strong>adn i had never heard of this "gap" until i came to the Knot.</strong> i would find it very strange to be invited to a wedding of any denomination that had a huge gap between ceremony and reception.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Me neither. Our wedding was at 1pm and the ceremony was over a few minutes after 2pm. Our cocktail/appetizer hour started at 2:30-2:45 pm and dinner was served at 4:30. Everything was just fine that way and I think people normally expect it at weddngs. You normally do the formal pics after the church clears out and the non-WP people leave to go to the reception.

Alyssa0421 · July 2010

Until I came to The Knot, I didn't know that gaps were rude. I've come to learn that it's probably more of a Catholic AND regional/social circle trend vs. just a Catholic one. I have only been to 2 weddings in my life that did not have a gap, and these were non-Catholic, non-family weddings. I'm from Milwaukee (large Catholic population that apparently thinks gaps are OK) and literally all of my family weddings have had long gaps. We thought nothing of having our ceremony at 1pm and our cocktail hour start at 5pm. My in-laws hosted guests for food and drink after the ceremony.

saritak · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-times-saturdays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:3d52eede-0e5c-4f96-802f-7a82b98aff32Post:26f02145-5a17-49e9-87e3-d7241d3d590f">Re: Wedding times on Saturdays</a>:
[QUOTE]I did not assume that because my guests are Catholic that they will understand the gap. I know that they will because every Catholic wedding within my family had a gap. Unfortunately Mica and Calypso, not everybody can have a perfectly planned day without a gap, as much as I tried to go without one. I looked all over San Diego county in hopes of finding a reception venue that would start earlier, but they all have very set times, either an morning reception that start at 11:00 a.m. which was out of the question, because the 10:00a.m. ceremony time was taken, or evening receptions that begin at 6:00p.m. With my ceremony a 1:00p.m., that would have caused a four hour gap. At a certain point I realized that <strong>the gap was inevitable </strong>and I got super lucky with the venue that I did choose because they allowed us to start the reception at 4:00p.m. So, please do not call the brides with gaps rude, that might the only option that they have.
Posted by bellashauntee[/QUOTE]

Bella, it is possible to get married in San Diego and not have a gap. Our wedding was at 2pm, in a San Diego Catholic church, and our cocktail hour started at 3:30pm. Our wedding ended at a little after 3pm and the drive to the reception was about 20 minutes, hence no gap. Our reception lasted until 9:30-10pm, plenty of time to have a good time with everyone. Please do not give San Diego a bad rap and say that it is impossible to have an evening reception here without having a gap.

catarntina · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_wedding-times-saturdays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:3d52eede-0e5c-4f96-802f-7a82b98aff32Post:3049aef9-f4ac-4af3-a43a-de3c048b8019">Re: Wedding times on Saturdays</a>:
[QUOTE]Until I came to The Knot, I didn't know that gaps were rude. I've come to learn that it's probably more of a Catholic AND regional/social circle trend vs. just a Catholic one. I have only been to 2 weddings in my life that did not have a gap, and these were non-Catholic, non-family weddings. I'm from Milwaukee (large Catholic population that apparently thinks gaps are OK) and literally all of my family weddings have had long gaps. We thought nothing of having our ceremony at 1pm and our cocktail hour start at 5pm. My in-laws hosted guests for food and drink after the ceremony.
Posted by Alyssa0421[/QUOTE]

Yep, I didn't know it was considered rude either. Every wedding I have ever been to in my life has had a gap. I can't think of a single one that didn't. I think it is a regional thing then since there are so many people that say it's so rude. I tell people that the ceremony is at 2 and reception is at 6 and nobody even bats an eye. They just accept the fact that there is a gap because they are used to it.

Calypso1977 · July 2010

i didnt say it was rude, but i did say i find it strange.

and i think in most cases they ARE avoidable if a couple is flexible on wedding date, reception venue and time of reception. most gaps seem to occur when brides INSIST on an evening reception, or one that goes until midnight. it just seems to be a waste of money to ultimately hold two receptions - a 3 hour cocktail hour at someone's house, where they inevitably chow down and fill up on snacks, tehn tehy come to your nice, expensive cocktail hour and reception at your venue and they are too full to eat the nice meal you provided (and paid for). i just hate to see waste, and i'm guessing many gap weddings have wasted food as people are too full by the time they get there (and some are probably half in the bag!).

Riss91 · July 2010

We have "the gap" discussion on here so often! I think bottom line:

- avoid it if at all possible (especially if it is not common among your social circle)
- if you can't avoid it, offer your guests a place to go in-between that provides them with seating, restrooms and light beverages and snacks.

If it is relatively common in your social circle, and you have to have a gap, make sure your invitations are clear so that guests are aware of the timing. Those guests that do not want to commit their entire day to the event can choose to just attend the ceremony, or not attend at all.

bellashauntee · July 2010

Sartik- I was not trying to give San Diego a bad rap. First of all, I do not think that gaps are rude, thus, no bad rap in my eyes. Secondly. you obviously lucked out with the reception venue that you found that was so flexible. I was just listing my personal experience.

Calypso1977 · July 2010

Those guests that do not want to commit their entire day to the event can choose to just attend the ceremony, or not attend at all.

sadly, more often than not, folks choose to attend the reception, and skip the ceremony. their choice, but its sad they opt to attend the party over the more meaningful portion.

bellashauntee · July 2010

Calypso, it makes me sad also, to think that people just want to party, without witnessing the beautiful sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

mica178 · July 2010

These are all more reasons to try to avoid the gap. The whole point of the celebration is the wedding ceremony, not the free meal/dancing afterwards. I think we should try to make it as easy for our guests to attend the church part of the day.

When people decide to put in a large gap, their guests often have to make a decision to skip part because of practical constraints. For the no-kids weddings, some parents don't want to be away from their children for the one hour wedding, 3 hour gap, 5 hour reception. For people bringing their kids to the wedding festivities, that's just too much time for the little ones.

It wasn't easy for us to avoid the gap, but that was a priority for my FI and me. We were able to do a 3pm ceremony, receiving line outside of church, then 4:30/5pm cocktail hour start at our reception site. It's not going to be the glamourous reception I'd originally envisioned since half of it will be in broad daylight, but it'll still be lovely, and at least the grandmothers will eat at a time that is more comfortable to them!

bellashauntee · July 2010

Our church offers two ceremony times, 10:00a.m. and 1:00p.m. If they had a 2:00p.m. ceremony I would only have an hour gap, which, with the drive time to the reception would only leave a 30 minute gap. Unfortunately our church was not flexible on times. Oh well, I've come to terms with my gap.

agapecarrie · July 2010

As I said on another thread, in my family/social circle/area, it would be considered rude to have a smaller gap rather than a large one. Weddings here are by de facto considered an all day affair, and people gladly look forward to them and make arrangements for it that way. The larger gap (3-4 hours) gives enough time to actually do something. Grab a bite and drink, hang out with people in town that you don't get to see a lot, etc. A wedding where I come from is not considered just one's plans for the evening, but that it is the whole day. I do live in a large metro area though that has things for people to do.

kls114 · July 2010

This is normal for cathlolic ceremonies. Although my chuch doesn't have a later mass for weddings. They have a 5pm but that is for the congregation.

Our ceremony is at 2pm. We are figuring 45-1 hour mass, receiving line & pictures we should be finished at church around 3:30-3:45.

The ride to our venue is 35-40 minutes. We do have a block for OOT guest at a hotel which is close so I am assuming some guests will stop there & take advantage of the free shuttle. Others will most likely drive straight to the venue. Our cocktail hour does not start until 5pm, they will allow & accomidate guests who arrive early. We also did an 1.5 hour cocktail to accomidate our larger guest list.

There really isn't anything you can do with the gap unless you want to host snacks or drinks somewhere else.

HTH & GL!

wifeandmommy0609 · July 2010

Our church does 2 weddings one at 10 and one at 2. I picked 2pm. we are doing coctail hour at 4pm at the reception hall and then reception starts at 5pm ( we have the hall from 3pm to 12am).....

lmcit23 · July 2010

We have the catholic gap the latest I can get married is 3:30 and the cocktail hour starts at 7pm. I will understand if some people don't come to the church. But because of 5:30 mass on Saturdays 3:30 is the latest time for a wedding.

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