List of Duties

Calumet · March 2010

I want to divide up day of the wedding duties for my maids... and for the groomsmen too I suppose. Anyone have a really good list of things to have people thinking of / in charge of doing?Here's mine so far:Giving tip envelopes to various vendors (groomsmenBustling my dress for the receptionKeeping an ear out for the DJ getting too loudKeeping an eye on the card boxTaking care of my dress after the receptionWatching out for crazy Aunt Linda talking my ear off for too longKeeping receiving line movingMaking sure grandparents get corsages as they arrive Any ideas on other stuff?

jagore08 · March 2010

Just incase you don't see this on the other boards you posted this on I'll copy it here for you.

1. Have DH give the tips to the vendors and personally thank them when he does.

2. Usually one of the BM bustles the dress so this shouldn't be an issue. Just make sure that they practice it once before the big day or it could be difficult when you're in a time crunch.

3. You or your parents can listen out for the DJ. You're going to be listening to him anyway.

4. If you're worried about someone digging their hands into your card box, move it to a visible spot and away from any exits.

5. Ask you parents or in-laws to take care of your dress. It's not really your BM responsibility.

6. If your Aunt Linda starts talking your ear off, have your husband come rescue you. Tell him welcome to the family. If you are both stuck, just politely excuse yourself and say that you need to talk to so and so before they leave.

7. You can keep the receiving line moving yourself. You and your husband are the only two anyone's going to care to talk to. If they want to get into a lengthy conversation, tell them you'll love to hear more at the reception and then refer back to #6.

8. Why don't you ask for the grandparents to come and see you before the ceremony so you can say hello, snap a couple of candid shots of you all together and give them the flowers there yourself.

luckyme502 · March 2010

List of Duties:

Show up
Have pictures taken
Have fun

The end.

blackfire5th · March 2010

Giving tip envelopes to various vendors (groomsmen)- My Dad actually took care of this, it was something he wanted to be in charge of. This is really something that your DH can keep track of.
Bustling my dress for the reception- our photographers did this after our off-site shots just before we were headed to the reception
Keeping an ear out for the DJ getting too loud- Your DJ should be a professional and this won't be a problem. Keeping an eye on the card box- the staff at our reception site did this. This is actually a job and the person assigned to this won't be able to enjoy the reception.
Taking care of my dress after the reception- Where is your dress going after the party? Is there a reason you can't wear it to your suite and then drop it off somewhere the next day?
Watching out for crazy Aunt Linda talking my ear off for too long- You can do this yourself. Just remind Aunt Linda that it was great talking to her and walk away. Your DH will be a better resource then bridal party.
Keeping receiving line moving- They won't have any control over this. Ask your photographers to keep people going or make sure you don't talk to someone for very long.
Making sure grandparents get corsages as they arrive- Your bm and gm will also be busy getting ready. You can ask the florist, the site's coordinator, or even your photographers to make sure they get them.

leeshab1982 · March 2010

I think it's important to remember that the reception is FOR the guests. Since your bridal party are all guests, you should just let them have fun and enjoy themselves without worrying about any "duties." The pp's give some good alternative ways to take care of your concerns.

megk8oz · March 2010

With the exception of bustling my dress (Which actually my mom and her best friend took care of), DH and I took care of every single one of these things ourselves. And we had a blast at our wedding.

EDIT: Normally a BM/MOH is in charge of bustling the dress. It just worked out that my mom really wanted to do it (Either that, or she really didn't want either of my sisters doing it, lol). But otherwise, really, everything else on your list can, and should be, taken care of by you and your groom.

lalap69 · March 2010

These are jobs. Your WP should not have any "duties" except to show up in the proper attire and have fun.

You and your FI should be responsible for the vendors. If the DJ is too loud, you're going to notice. Someone doesn't need to have their "ear out" for it. The card box is a major responsibility and keeping an eye out on it will seriously detract from reception enjoyment. At my sister's wedding, my parents stuck it under their table. Why can't you take care of your own dress after the reception?

If you're having yoru ear talked off, politely excuse yourself. How to do this is a good life skill to learn regardless of the wedding. This will also help you keep the receiving line moving.

At my sister's wedding, we had our grandparents to the house before the ceremony and they got their corsages there.

AdeleDazeem · March 2010

Oh my god. Your bridal party isn't your staff. I'd be *really* put out if my good friend told me that I had to drag Aunt Linda away from you all day or be responsible for tipping the vendors.

You aren't a queen. You can talk to the lay people like the vendors, Aunt Linda, and your guests to keep the receiving line moving. You can even watch out for your own dress!

Many people will be listening to the DJ so if it's too loud, everyone will know. You remind your grandparents to pick up their corsages before the wedding.

The only one I'll give you is to bustle your dress. It takes two minutes and whoever is around is more than capable of putting a loop over a button.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

Giving tip envelopes to various vendors: Mom did this because she paidBustling my dress for the reception: Mom did this because she practiced it at the dress shopKeeping an ear out for the DJ getting too loud: PleaseKeeping an eye on the card box: We didn't invite thievesTaking care of my dress after the reception: I did because, well, DH took it off me after the wedding ;)Watching out for crazy Aunt Linda talking my ear off for too long: PleaseKeeping receiving line moving: All on the bride and groomMaking sure grandparents get corsages as they arrive: Mom did this too because she dealt with the florist.
Put down the bridal mags and turn off the knot. These are not your WP's responsibilities. This is the sort of thing people hold against you long after the wedding. Don't make the pursuit of the perfect day ruin the rest of your life.

lyndausvi · March 2010

You are WAY overthinking this. Your list is a little too mircomanaged, you really just need to go with the flow.

The when it's time to bustle your dress someone will help you. If your BMs are there at the time they will, if it's your SIL, Aunt Linda, the photographer, whomever. Trust me it will get done without assigning someone to the duty.

If the DJ is too loud someone will say something. It might be a BM or a parents, heck it might even be you if you happend to be close by.

Really, there is nothing on that list (okay *maybe* the tipping envelopes) that is so important it needs a duty list, so stop micromanging and just go with the flow.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

I can't hold back my snarky response any longer:

Any ideas on other stuff?

Wipe your ass

Blow your nose

Call you Princess

Act as bodyguards to keep you from having to actually speak to your guests, and certainly not for more than 30 seconds each

Keep the list of who hasn't brought a gift to cover the cost of their plate and collect a check for the difference

seem like they'd fit in with the rest of the list.

lalap69 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_list-of-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1f5fdb50-fb85-40f4-bf45-ef23f395f595Post:cdadc852-aead-44b9-9860-8eeca01aec8c">Re: List of Duties</a>:
[QUOTE]Keeping an eye on the card box: We didn't invite thieves
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
Eh, it's not always about who you invite, especially if your wedding is at a reception hall with more than one salon. If you're dressed up, it's not hard to sneak into a wedding. At my sister's wedding, the photographer left his bag on a table and went to the bathroom and someone stole it, getting several expensives lenses as well as all of the pictures of the groom getting ready that morning.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_list-of-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1f5fdb50-fb85-40f4-bf45-ef23f395f595Post:8a2c82e0-d786-471f-a875-75ec3eb3fecd">List of Duties</a>:
[QUOTE]I want to divide up day of the wedding duties for my maids... and for the groomsmen too I suppose. Anyone have a really good list of things to have people thinking of / in charge of doing? Here's mine so far: Giving tip envelopes to various vendors (groomsmen Bustling my dress for the reception Keeping an ear out for the DJ getting too loud Keeping an eye on the card box Taking care of my dress after the reception Watching out for crazy Aunt Linda talking my ear off for too long Keeping receiving line moving Making sure grandparents get corsages as they arrive Any ideas on other stuff?
Posted by Calumet[/QUOTE]

If I presented my BMs with a list like this, they would laugh at me. There is no reason that you can't do these things on your own. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough organize your wedding day.

stina93446 · March 2010

Your bms are not staff. If you want someone to "help you" with these items, hire a wedding coordinator.

And just so you know, my photographer bustled my dress, I took care of my dress the next day, I made sure to push me and my DH along when someone talked too long, no one stole our gifts or our cards, the band knew how loud it was, tips were dealt with at the end of the night because DH and I did it ourselves, and the flowers were dealt out by the DOC.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_list-of-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1f5fdb50-fb85-40f4-bf45-ef23f395f595Post:f60bd4f7-7dc5-4beb-864d-0475f66bf986">Re: List of Duties</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: List of Duties : Eh, it's not always about who you invite, especially if your wedding is at a reception hall with more than one salon. If you're dressed up, it's not hard to sneak into a wedding. At my sister's wedding, the photographer left his bag on a table and went to the bathroom and someone stole it, getting several expensives lenses as well as all of the pictures of the groom getting ready that morning.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]
Fair enough.

mbcdefg · March 2010

I don't really think there's a problem with asking them to do you a favor on the day-of, regarding certain things. The "bridezilla" problem would come in if you were to hand them a list or tell them that they are responsible for certain things.

Like, if you are going straight to your honeymoon and your brother lives in the same town as you and he's going right home, I don't see a problem with saying, "Steve, could you do me a huge favor and take my dress to your house for me after the wedding? I'll pick it up when I get back from the honeymoon. Thank you SOOO much, I really appreciate it." And I don't see a problem with asking your bridesmaids/mother/favorite aunt if they would be able to come to a fitting and learn how to do your bustle (but the bridezilla part would be if you TOLD them to come, or got all pissy if they couldn't make it).

I agree that things like the receiving line and DJ are your responsibility, and it's probably best to pay the vendors yourself (so you can make sure that they got their payment, and so you can thank them personally). Or arrange to pay them ahead of time if you are convinced that you won't be able to do it at the wedding.

Just remember that nobody but you and your FI are obligated to do anything for this wedding. It's fine to politely ask people for help if you really need it, but once you start "assigning" stuff then that's when you need to cool it. You won't be doing yourself and your reputation any favors if you start delegating tasks to people who are your dearest friends. You can delegate tasks to paid vendors.

saxy414 · March 2010

I completely ditto mbcd, she said it really well. It's understandable to make sure everything is taken care of, and sometimes the easiest way to do that is to delegate--but your wedding is not the time to do that. Asking politely for them to do you a favor is ok, it's NOT ok to put them on the spot, though. Most everything can be taken care of by you and your FI--especially with envelopes to vendors, I'd feel much more comfortable giving them myself, or asking a parent to do it.

Your BMs will thank you and have a much better time if you treat them like your friends and most important people, and not people who are there to do "jobs" for you.

swim1011 · March 2010

See my answer on your other post about this. The only thing out of all of this that I did for my bff's wedding was do her bustle. Bridesmaid =/= slave.

jenn.daniel · March 2010

Because your BMs are your best friends they will probably ask if there is anything else they can do. That is when you say, "would you mind distracting aunt Linda so I can escape?"

Giving tip envelopes to various vendors: ok, I think I actually read in a book that the nest man should be in charge of this, so I don't blame OP.

Bustling my dress for the reception: who knows how to bustle your dress? that's the person who helps.

Keeping an ear out for the DJ getting too loud: you can do this yourself

Keeping an eye on the card box: maybe Aunt Linda would like this task?

Taking care of my dress after the reception: this sounds like something you could do yourself. or maybe ask your mother

Watching out for crazy Aunt Linda talking my ear off for too long: see above

Keeping receiving line moving: are your BMs cattle drivers?

Making sure grandparents get corsages as they arrive: I feel like family members would be helping grandma pin her corsage etc.

CTGirl30 · March 2010

I'm guessing when your actual wedding day arrives you won't be worried about most of this stuff (save for the dress bustling). Really.

That's the only thing on this list that struck me as something I will need actual help with but as other girls have posted - other people can certainly help you with your dress as well (Moms, FIs, photographers). Anything else...not so much. I can give my father or the best man the tip envelopes but really, there's nothing my BMs need to be doing other than partying it up with me and celebrating. I would be annoyed if the bride told me "Keep an eye out for Aunt Linda and come save me if she won't stop yakking my ear off!" As an adult, you should be able to politely excuse yourself from a tedious conversation - "It's been so nice talking to you, Aunt Linda! Will you excuse me, for a moment? I see ____ and haven't had a chance to say hello yet!" And there you go.

Will you be staying at a hotel the night of the wedding? Can your mother or sister pick up your belongings for you if you're depating straight from the hotel to the honeymoon? Just sort that out now with the appropriate relative or friend. Or drop it off yourself. We're spending our wedding night in our own home so this honestly isn't an issue for us. I'll just bring the dress to the cleaners when we get back from the HM. (We leave the next day).

Your parents can direct your grandparents to their corsages or hold on to them for them.

Your DJ is a professional - hopefully. Trust your paid vendors to do their jobs and enjoy your party. Don't worry about little details that you don't need to worry about and just have fun with your BMs.

lyndausvi · March 2010

I do not think we were rude... a lot of us are former brides and have the experience to tell you that you are overthinking this.

I also think it's about the approach. I asked my sister (also the MOH) if she could take my dress back to her home while I went on the HM (my wedding was OOT). She of course said yes. If I handed her a list of duties she would have been WTF??

As far as the bustle... every wedding I've been in we did the bustle after the ceremony, when the girls were all around for the pictures anyway. It was not a planned event. When it was time to do those standing by just did it.

The rest of the stuff like the DJ being too loud, taking care of Aunt Linda etc do not need to have people assigned to those duties... Your family and friends will take care anything that needs to be taken care of as the situation arises... There is no need to to assign BM#4 to listen to volumn of the DJ or BM # 2 to keep an eye out on Auntie all night.. Just let things fall as they will. I promise you your BM will be looking out for you on their own, they do not need assignement.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

This sounds very, very similar to the list of things I did for my friend... as her DOC. A job that most people charge for, which I did as a gift. She didn't give me a list of such duties, I simply handled what needed to be done.

Really, a wedding day is a beast with a momentum all its own. You need to be able to simply go with the flow, and if you don't trust your vendors to do the job you're paying them for, why on earth did you hire them?

Deal with things as they come up, and trust that your family and friends will do the same. If you try to micromanage your day to this level, no one, not you nor any of your nearest and dearest, will actually manage to enjoy it.

SheilaS · March 2010

Regarding your gown, I am guessing that you plan to change into street clothes before you leave the reception? I did that, all those years ago.

My mom helped me get out of the gown towards the end of the reception. I think she enjoyed those last few minutes of "girl time" alone before I struck out as a married woman. I know I did. My daughter is marrying soon and if she chooses to change clothes before leaving her reception, I hope to steal a minute with her then, as my mother did with me.

trix1223 · March 2010

Sheila, my DD and I did the same thing last July. It was a pretty special couple of minutes, and I have a very cute photo of her gorgeous dress in a heap on the floor.

trix1223 · March 2010

Calumet: my reply from moms and maids:

A bridesmaid's "role" is during the ceremony. Once the ceremony's over, your WP are your guests. And unless you're going to give other guests "duties" to perform at the reception, you shouldn't be doing it to your WP.

I take that back-you shouldn't be giving anyone duties. If you need something, I'm sure if you turn to a friend or family member, they'll be all to happy to do it.

I'm also sure that if you give them a list of things they are responsible for at your reception, they'll be talking. Only it won't be to you. It will be behind your back. And it won't be pretty.

sucrets4 · March 2010

They could also be asking to be polite because given a choice of having fun and partying or keeping an eye out on your aunt, I'd choose the former.

Tell them that you want them to have fun first and foremost and that you'll let them know the day if if you need anything.

shoegal715 · March 2010

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