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Horrible father-in-law's birthday - on my wedding

KittenfooshKittenfoosh
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My to-be father-in-law is offensive, judgmental, snobby, and down-right mean.  Me and my fiance are getting married on a special date for us - 10 years to the day of when we became a couple.  That day is also my FIL's birthday.  My fiance wants us to sing happy birthday to him at the reception.  Even if I liked him, I'd be against that - can't we have the day for just us this year?!  Do we have to sing or is there a way out of this?  If we have to, at what point in the night is appropriate?   
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Re: Horrible father-in-law's birthday - on my wedding

  • RMacQueenRMacQueen member
    100 Comments
    Can you celebrate his birthday the night before? What has he said about this?
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_horrible-father-laws-birthday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ff35944-d3f1-4a5e-9b77-c01ab18aba44Post:aac08be5-666b-4219-851e-f78f785452af">Horrible father-in-law's birthday - on my wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]My to-be father-in-law is offensive, judgmental, snobby, and down-right mean.  Me and my fiance are getting married on a special date for us - 10 years to the day of when we became a couple.  That day is also my FIL's birthday.  My fiance wants us to sing happy birthday to him at the reception.  Even if I liked him, I'd be against that - can't we have the day for just us this year?!  Do we have to sing or is there a way out of this?  If we have to, at what point in the night is appropriate?   
    Posted by Kittenfoosh[/QUOTE]
    Technically, your wedding is on HIS birthday.  You stand corrected.
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  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    You have to pick and choose your battles.  For me, this one wouldn't be worth fighting -- especially since your FI wants it.  Marriage is all about compromise, right?  Might as well start it off right.  :)

    I'd choose a time during the reception, after any wedding related events you have planned.  You could also see if your FI is open to do it early, during the rehearsal dinner.
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  • Ash2985Ash2985 member
    1000 Comments
    My wedding's on my brother's birthday, and we're definitely going to sing happy birthday to him.  But I love my brother.  And he's not horrible.

    I'd just do it, it's not a huge deal and it would make your FI happy.
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    His birthday isn't on your wedding; your wedding is on his birthday. In either case, you can sing or not, but if it's important to your FH, I'd do it.
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  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    1000 Comments
    I probably wouldn't sing, mainly because I think it is cheesy.  But I would acknowledge it in some way.  As PP have said, your FI wants to do something and you should respect that.  Maybe have a little cake presented to him or just have hte DJ announce it at some point?
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    Let us not forget that he will be your family from now on.  Is it REALLY worth it to choose this battle to fight?

    Psst.  The answer is "no."
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  • opalsky007opalsky007 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Horrible or not, you're about to be related to him, hopefully for a lot more birthdays to come.

    I would at least announce it. Maybe have a cake and sing at the RD.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If you don't want to do it for FFIL..at least think of it that your doing it for FI
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    You couldn't pick one of the other 364 days in the year if you wanted to avoid this?
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  • ohwhynotohwhynot member
    2500 Comments
    That's my husband's birthday, too!  Pretend you're singing Happy Birthday to him. 
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  • sarabellamsarabellam member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_horrible-father-laws-birthday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ff35944-d3f1-4a5e-9b77-c01ab18aba44Post:962d43cc-34e0-4629-8df5-64c2a2e24d2c">Re: Horrible father-in-law's birthday - on my wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]You couldn't pick one of the other 364 days in the year if you wanted to avoid this?
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Yep, this exactly. Really, how is this going to take away from you? If anything, it will make you look like a gracious new DIL.
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  • andy71781andy71781 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    Seriously do it - it will make you look gracious and like a good daughter in law.  I sang and had a fabulous cake for one of my BMs and it ended up being more of an AW moment for me than her.
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  • tpender13tpender13 member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_horrible-father-laws-birthday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ff35944-d3f1-4a5e-9b77-c01ab18aba44Post:962d43cc-34e0-4629-8df5-64c2a2e24d2c">Re: Horrible father-in-law's birthday - on my wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]You couldn't pick one of the other 364 days in the year if you wanted to avoid this?
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Ditto. I get that it's a special date for you and FI, but if you don't want to think about his birthday at your wedding, and you don't want your anniversary to be on his birthday every year, pick a different wedding date.
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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    1000 Comments
    How dare he have his birthday that day:) Seriously, I wouldn't say you have to if your FIL wanted it, but this is your FI asking, do you really want to push how terrible you think his father is? How would you feel if your FI said things about your dad?
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  • srkropfsrkropf member
    500 Comments
    It's maybe 2 minutes out of your reception, buck up. Perhaps by being a decent person, you can help him see the light
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  • MattsPenguinMattsPenguin member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    I was a BM the day before my birthday.  Since the groom had been in the glee club (and many of the guests were also part of it), the boys serenaded me with "Happy Birthday" in the middle of the reception. The DJ just asked where Anne was and suddenly I was surrounded by 20 guys.  It was AWESOME! 
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    500 Comments
    Just keep in mind, every anniversary from this point out will also be shared by FFIL's birthday. You'll have to get use to planning around it .
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  • ehathewaehathewa
    1000 Comments
    We sang happy birthday to my granddad at the wedding reception.  It was over in about 45 seconds.  It is a pretty small comprimise. 
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  • smokeybaileysmokeybailey member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    You knew 10 years ago that your "anniversary" was his birthday.  Why didn't you choose another day?

    I'm calling this one.......lame.
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  • lauralaurlauralaur member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Ditto others, your anniversary will be on his birthday, I hope you're prepared for planning around that. If you don't want to sing, maybe just have the DJ announce it and everyone can raise their glasses and say happy birthday? It would only take about 5 minutes out of your reception.
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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    This is not a hill worth dying on.  Change the wedding date, or get used to singing "Happy Birthday" on your anniversary for the rest of FFIL's life.
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  • KittenfooshKittenfoosh
    First Comment
    Thanks everyone.  You helped chill me out and see it a different way.  I like the idea of celebrating another night, maybe the rehearsal dinner that wednesday, and acknowledging the birthday at the reception.  I am still anti-singging because i think it's cheesy, but maybe a toast isn't that bad.  My FIL is still horrible, but my fiance isn't and I want to make him happy.  
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  • mypalbabsmypalbabs
    10 Comments
    Meh, just have the DJ do it while you're in the can.
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  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_horrible-father-laws-birthday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ff35944-d3f1-4a5e-9b77-c01ab18aba44Post:aac08be5-666b-4219-851e-f78f785452af">Horrible father-in-law's birthday - on my wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]My to-be father-in-law is offensive, judgmental, snobby, and down-right mean.  Me and my fiance are getting married on a special date for us - 10 years to the day of when we became a couple.  That day is also my FIL's birthday.  My fiance wants us to sing happy birthday to him at the reception.  Even if I liked him, I'd be against that - can't we have the day for just us this year?!  Do we have to sing or is there a way out of this?  If we have to, at what point in the night is appropriate?   
    Posted by Kittenfoosh[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>My dad and his wife got married on my husband's birthday. They had everyone sing to him and they even had a special cake made. </div><div>
    </div><div>It didn't take away from their day one bit.

    </div>
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  • Xtine22Xtine22 member
    100 Comments
    We got married on one of the GMs and my close family friends bday. H and I Thanked everyone for coming then stated it was T and C's bday and sang to them. it took all of 45 second like PP stated. They thought it was very sweet.
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  • GhotiGhoti
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Happy Birthday takes all of 1 minute to sing. You might even welcome it, you can take that minute to shove some food in your mouth before you have to finish your rounds :)
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    My cousin flew across the country to be here for our wedding, even though it was his 9th birthday and he really wanted to be at home celebrating with his friends.  We had a special cake for him and had everyone sing.  It was awesome, everyone loved it, and it was over in just a couple minutes.  Like PP said, we just thanked everyone for coming and then said that it was a special day for someone else in our family as well.  It didn't take away from our wedding in the least and a lot of people told us how thoughtful it was to do that for him.  Granted, he was 9, but still...!
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