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No gifts, please

rherfurthrherfurth
in Registry and Gift Forum
90% of our guests have to travel to NYC, the most expensive city in the US, for our wedding. This is a second wedding for both my fiance and me, and we already have 2 apartments we need to consolidate. We really just want people to come celebrate with us - no gifts, please!  How do we respond to people who can't attend but want to "do" something for our wedding?
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Re: No gifts, please

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    tracy_ktracy_k member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Some people are going to get you gifts no matter what you say. Just accept them graciously... whatever you do with them after the fact (return, regift, recycle, resell) is up to you.

    Good luck! :)
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    LEESHY09LEESHY09 member
    First Comment
    If they want to get you something, just let them. It might end up being something you love and will use all the time or be able to break out for special occasions. People might actually be insulted or think it is rude if you don't let them get a gift! Best of luck
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    When they bring it up, say "Please don't feel like you need to get us anything.  We really don't need anything."  If they insist, graciously accept.  If they are local, you can suggest that you go out to dinner or something to celebrate.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    If anyone offers to throw a shower, say no.

    And in the meantime if people ask just say, "Oh you being there is all the present we could want!"

    But only say that if asked.  
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    TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Since it's a second wedding, registering is usually looked upon as inappropriate.

    Just accept any physical gifts graciously and have that be that.
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    jinxed8605jinxed8605
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_gifts-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:b2cadfb6-8c16-419a-aa54-82610ac1953aPost:0402d062-7ac9-41eb-ae63-72b04b8100d2">Re: No gifts, please</a>:
    [QUOTE] and put a place for several gift cards on there
    Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

    <strong><em><u>Please don't do this</u></em></strong>. Gift cards = cash. Asking for cash = tacky and rude.

    Don't register and if people ask just say that you definitely don't NEED anything and would love just their attendance. If they get you something then just be grateful! Also, as Banana said, no shower.
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    Lenore2010Lenore2010 member
    First Comment
    I don't know what dusty etiquette books that "Second wedding registries are rude" thing comes out of. Maybe the same ones that tell people they can't put "No gifts please" on an invitation. 

    Anyway, I actually dislike the entire concept of wedding gifts and I frankly  think the whole ritual is a "gift grab" even if Emily Post approves and you follow all the "rules". I always give them when I go to a wedding because failing to do so looks rude to a lot of people, but I feel what you are saying in not wanting to do a registry and not wanting gifts.

    Here is what we have done:

    1.Declined showers, as Banana said

    2. On our wedding website, which we refer people to when asked, we have a list of charities for our "wedding registries" for those who just feel compelled to gift us.

    So, far we had a few relatives who got positively annoyed at the lack of something like a Target registry so I did one, but took it down after a week or so because the whole idea just annoyed me. For people who give gifts we will and already have accepted them graciously. For the etiquette mavens, no I did not put "No gifts please" on any invites, but I sure wanted to do so! 

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    misscarolbmisscarolb
    First Comment
    I've read so many posts that say things that seem to be, as Lenore put it, out of dusty etiquette books. And thank you for saying it! I think that these days there isn't anything that's out of the question.

    If you're so worried about what people think than maybe you should just follow all the 'rules' otherwise do what you want and forget about it.

    My FI was the best man at a wedding a few weeks ago and the bride & groom just asked for gift cards on their wedding website and eluded to needing cash for their honeymoon. I didn't find it rude at all. Yes, of course, there will always be people who just get you gifts anyways. I think its nice to know that you are gifting them a night at their favorite restaurant.

    Anyways, long post. Just WHATEVER. I love the charity idea, I feel the same way. We've been living together for over 2 years and don't really need anything. Plus the whole gift thing makes me feel a little guilty and gross. We'll see. JUST DECIDE AND MOVE ON!

    sorry.
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