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Catholic Weddings

Requirements to get married in a Church (not sure if this even fits the question)...

I called my church today to schedule an appt with the priest.  We do not have a date yet but my FI has never been baptized.  We want to meet with him to see what we would have to do in order to get married in the Church, without the mass, just the ceremony (though my FI told me that he would be more than willing to make all the sacraments so that I could get married in my Church).  The receptionist began asking me all these questions about whether or not his parents have been baptized.  I do not know the answer to this question but I know that his sister was baptized.  Would it make a difference in the priest marying us if his parents were never baptized?


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Re: Requirements to get married in a Church (not sure if this even fits the question)...

  • HandBananaHandBanana member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It shouldn't matter if his parents were baptized.  The secretary may just have been surprised he wasn't baptized?  Not sure but it really isn't relevent to you and FI's relationship with the church and your plans to get married in the church. 

    You and FI should have a long discussion before he decides to go through RCIA and become a member of the Catholic church.  RCIA is a big time commitment and becomming a Catholic is a lifelong commitment.  He would probably have to enroll in RCIA now to finish all his sacrements and make is confirmation in the spring.
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  • doctabroccolidoctabroccoli member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Welcome!

    The baptismal status of his parents shouldn't matter.  I'm not sure why she was asking you about his parents.....  Your marriage prep won't really be any different than if your FI was baptized - obviously you cannot have the full mass, but you've said already that you weren't planning on it.
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  • mpaone24mpaone24 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Yea, I wasn't sure what his parents would have to do with it.  And yes, I would never ask him to do this for me.  He needs to come to this desicion on his own for himself, not for anyone else.  The receptionist said that the priest will call me anytime after 6pm since thats when I'm home.  I'll keep you ladies posted!
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  • edited December 2011
    Hello and Welcome!

    I, too, don't see why it would matter if your parents were baptized. They never asked us that question when we were planning our wedding and we are both Catholic even though neither one of our Dad's is Catholic.

    I would ask the receptionist nicely why that matters. The wedding is between you two, not your parents. As long as you guys are over 18, and even then, I can't really see why that would be an issue. Maybe they just want a lot of background on both of you guys or something.
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm with the others -- the baptismal status of his parents shouldn't matter. His baptismal status only even affects the nature of the ceremony and the marriage, not your ability to have a ceremony in the Catholic church.

    Also, please reassure him that he doesn't need to convert now so that you can get married. He can convert at any time that he truly feels called to it. I know you already said that this is how he feels, but I wanted to make sure that I reiterated it. If he converts after your wedding, it will automatically make your already valid marriage sacramental, which I think is pretty cool.
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  • Lauren19.Lauren19. member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The only thing I can think of is if his parents were baptized Eastern Rite Catholic, then there are some lines drawn between them and Roman Catholic. Our priest was very careful that FI's parents (and grandparents) were baptized Roman Catholic vs. Eastern Rite, regardless of what they practiced or what they baptized their children, since the family name is Eastern European.

    Best wishes!!
  • edited December 2011
    If I can insert myself into this...LOL...I decided to convert before my fiance and I were engaged, shortly after the first few times we went to Mass together. There was just something about the Church that spoke to me; I was worried that I was making the decision too hastily, or simply for him, but the more I attended Mass and the more I learned in RCIA, the more certain I was that I had made absolutely the right decision.

    It was literally life-changing for me; my life and my relationship with God and Christ is richer than it's ever been, and I thank God daily for bringing me home. It also offered so many opportunities for me and my FI to have long talks about the faith. So wonderful.

    I pray you and your FI have a similarly rich experience...

    Linda
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  • shawna127shawna127 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Requirements to get married in a Church (not sure if this even fits the question)...:
    [QUOTE]I'm with the others -- the baptismal status of his parents shouldn't matter. His baptismal status only even affects the nature of the ceremony and the marriage, not your ability to have a ceremony in the Catholic church. Also, please reassure him that he doesn't need to convert now so that you can get married. He can convert at any time that he truly feels called to it. I know you already said that this is how he feels, but I wanted to make sure that I reiterated it. If he converts after your wedding, it will automatically make your already valid marriage sacramental, which I think is pretty cool.
    Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]


    Is this true? I did not know that!  I think that, that is really neat!
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  • mpaone24mpaone24 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Just an update, the priest told the receptionist that he would be willing to marry us even if my FI doesn't make his sacraments.  My FI wasn't brought up in a religious household so he was never introduced to any religion, though his mom claims that she follows Catholic religion even though she never baptized him, but whatever.  I'm waiting to hear back from the recpetionist to see if we can meet on Monday.  

    Thanks for all your input ladies!
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  • mpaone24mpaone24 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    so theres been some new revelations in my quest.  When my parents moved, I moved with them.  I continued going to the church in our original hometown since thats where my FI still lives but I never filled out the registration even though I went to the school associated with the church.  Well when me moved, my mom filled out a registration form in my name for the new church.  I didn't know this until we began talking about my conversations I was having with the receptionist at my hometown church.  I have never went to this new church, and even though she still filled out a form in my name does this mean I'm a parishioner?  I'm so uspset that I'm ready to cry.  


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  • edited December 2011
    I don't think it really matters. The biggest thing about "being registered" in a parish is the fees you might have to pay for the wedding. Unless your mom cancelled your registration at your old church (which is where I am assuming you want the wedding?) you're still considered a member there.

    We were technically registered at 2 churches for awhile when we switched parishes. I don't think it is a huge deal.
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  • mpaone24mpaone24 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    The receptionist told me that if I was registered at another church I would have to get a letter of release in order for them to marry me, but I don't receive anything in the mail from either church so I guess at this point it doesn't matter.  Hopefully the priest can meet with us on Monday since we are both off from work .
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  • edited December 2011
    Just register with the parish you do your marriage prep at. We met with the gal at the parish, registered (so did FI), we did the FOCUS inventory all at the same meeting. We'll have to do the waiver because we're doing an OOT wedding- not a big deal.

    Honestly we'll be switching parishes again after since I'm less than impressed with how they've handled our marriage prep so far. 
  • edited December 2011
    I'm in the process of planning our "inter-faith" marriage (he's baptized protestant, I'm Catholic). I think it depends on what archdiocese your church belongs to since some have stricter rules than others. My priest gave us a booklet for liturgy planning (pretty sure this is standard for all Catholic weddings) and there was a section in it for the ceremony when one party has been baptized but the other has not. Talk to the priest, but judging by the booklet, I think you should be ok!
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